Fell down

[helplessangel]

In two days, I'll be clean from subs for 60 days. Today though, I fell on my face because I got hold of an rx of xanax. I know it's worse on the body but I couldn't help myself. I was doing good off of everything, including cigarettes.

But, I was gaining all sorts of weight. It's like food was what took over. I've never been one who's been ok with gaining weight.

I know I need to get rid of them but I can't seem to bring myself to do it. Guess this is an admittance of failure and a little bit of a vent. This addiction disease is so powerful!

[IBKleen]

Are you engaged in any sort of aftercare?

[jifmoc]

I have the same question as IBkleen!

[vicki595]

You got hold of an RX? You planned it dear. You had to see a doctor or go to an ER to get it. You relapsed before you even took a pill...

So now what? You need some kind of support/aftercare. What would sound good to you? A therapist? Addictionologist? NA? Your Pastor?  Do you have a supportive family? Friends?  It's difficult to stop when entirely by yourself.

Do you want to be free of the addiction? Are you ready? We support you and will try to help but you need to want it more than anything. Keep in touch!

[pillguy]

I know they have a tremendous pull.  Can you take control of the situation?  Can you throw them out?  And no matter what you do, what ARE you going to do to prevent this from happening again?

You and I were doing battle with the subs at the same time.  Your successes helped keep me on track.  I appreciate that so much.  What can I do now to help you?

[helplessangel]

I'm going to n/a meetings and they ate helping. I actually enjoy them since I tend to withdraw from my family and friends and being around people helps.

I had a refill available from March so I filled it. I'm planning on going to a meeting this evening. I think I will have the strength to get rid of them afterwards.

Good thing is is that I currently dont have insurance and not a lot of money since I'm not working right now. I have no refills and wont be going to the Dr or ER anytime soon.

Sadder is, as I've mentioned before, I know how dangerous xanax is. I've lost my mind w/d from these and started a fire and a second time ran through rush hour traffic at another time. Yeah, I think I will toss em in the toilet. Talking about it has helped jog my memory about the consequences. I think I'll have a flushing-down-the-toilet ceremony in a few minutes. I don't want to walk that same path again. Thank you all for helping me keep honest! I'll let you know how it goes.

[jifmoc]

So glad you are going to your meeting tonight, yay.

Wanna have your flushing ceremony and check back w/ us? Let us know how empowered you feel!

[helplessangel]

Well, I did it! After I took the xanax yesterday, I didn't feel good. It zapped all my energy (which I'm still trying to get back from the sub). Instead of a ceremony, I put water in the bottle and shook it like a moracca (sp?). Today, I still feel the effects... Yuck. It was a good lesson to learn. Thanks to you all for holding me accountable. So 59 days off subs, day one off xanax.

[helplessangel]

Ps..pillguy, I just love you! You have been checking up on me and have always been there. Reading your post made me feel like I needed to do it. Dont want to disappoint you.

[pillguy]

Its good to have you back!  And tomorrow is 2 months off subs.  That's a helluva accomplishment.  You should be very proud!

[helplessangel]

Sharing works! Otherwise, I never ever would have drenched my xanax.

[pillguy]

60 days today !!!!!!!!

[helplessangel]

I'll get my 60 day n/a charm tomorrow at the meeting! I thought 30 days made me excited! Never thought I'd make it this far! Boy, if I can do it, anyone can! I remember before the subs I would take 5-6 percs @ 5 mgs every few hours. If I had oxys, I was taking 4 or more depending on what I could get. I'm surprised now that I didn't die! Not to mention the xanax. Took about 8 mgs a day! But, that did make me crazy...literally. These milestones really make me happy and I want to make a cake!

[jifmoc]

Helpless- so glad you flushed the xanax and congrats on 60 days sub free. Time is accumulated in meetings by being COMPLETELY free of addictive substances. So, as great as your being off subs is, you are really one day clean because of the xanax. Tell people in the rooms about it. I think you'll learn about your relapse, and prevent it in the future if you are really honest. Good luck:)

[helplessangel]

Yes, of course you're right j. I forget that horrid day I took the xanax. That's why I like coming here. Ya'll tell it like it is. I did share in my group and people laughed at how I got rid of them. I justify it in my mind since I knew the subs would be the hardest to get off of and they were. No excuse, I shouldn't have taken the xanax.

[jifmoc]

That's REALLY impressive, that you're so open. YAY!!!