Will I ever feel normal again?????

[thisissohard]

I HAD been in pain management for about 5 years for chronic back pain. I took the highest dosage of Oxy, and hydro.  i recently started seeing a personal trainer and miraculously he did what all the esi injections and PT didn't.  So I stopped the meds, because I wasn't addicted....right? If I wasn't addicted, why, after 1 month do I feel sucidal, as if death would release me from this hell that I can't seem to come out of. At first I threw up all the time, now, it just comes out the other end. My husband works at sea in the persian gulf six months a year, I have a 2 year old, and frankly I'm glad that my husband doesn't have to deal with this. To take a shower is still a major ordeal.  I have bouts of feeling good, when I get exercise.  But then I'm so fatigued, I lay on the couch and anxiously wait for my daughter to wake up. I, much like other mothers, was the model housekeeper, well, when the pills made me feel good. Now, I have broken down and called a cleaning service to FOLD MY LAUNDRY. I'm a stay at home mom and can't even fold my own laundry. as I sit here, typing, drinking coffee to stay awake, I still get litttle to no satisfaction from this site. I'm looking everywhere, anywhere for someone to help me from this dark, miserable cacoon that I feel I am confined it. Looking for a way out, a ray of light, somewhere.......just one small ray of light to reassure me that the sun still exists. Because for me, still, after 1 month off opiates, I would rather die that raise my child. The good thing, is that she is the only thing keeping me alive.

[flmagi]

I ended up relapseing because of depression. I had started taking an anti-depressant but didn't give it enough time to really start working, takes about a month of taking it regularly.  I really reccommend you speak with your doctor and either up your anti-dep. dose or amke a change. You should take it daily as perscribed. Your depression should not be getting continueously worse or that severe. I would hate to see you relapse because of this, like I did. I wish I had started the anti-dep. much earlier, and maybe I would not have relapsed. I had never really been depressed like that and didn't recognize it for what it was.
Good luck

[troubleinohio]

hon I would start taking the zoloft regular. if you take it erratically that may be making your depression symptoms worse rather than better. And if it still doesnt help after being on it everyday for a few weeks, ask your doctor to RX a different one. If you let your depression go untreated, youre so much more likely to relapse, not to mention just feeel like crapp all the time. I hate the fact that i need to take them. hate it. But Ive lived with depression my whole life and know by now that I cant ever be without them for the rest of my life. The reason i quit my prozac awhile ago was because it started giving me terrible side effects that I'd never experienced before all the years Id been on it. It started giving me severe stomach acid/reflux symptoms within 20 mins of taking it. I mean real bad, not just "heartburn". Looking back now, i wonder if it had to do with being on the vicodin since opiates slow down everything in your body, maybe it was slowing down how my stomach produced acid/digestion and then once it kicked in it over did it? I dont know, jsut throwing theories out there. ANyways, i started re-taking it again the last time I detoxed off the vics, and i havent had any problems with the "acid storms" since, and my dpression got sooooo much better.
wishing you the best of luck!

[goldenarm]

What was the dosage u were takin?? I was takin three,,40 mill Oxys and sometimes a 20 and a vicodan,,500 to go with it,,my f@#$%^ back was killing me,,i ran out and day 2 was so impossible i ate about 8 percodan,,and i was still going crazy,.,,i was going to go on subox,,the wiesman,,,,,i went back to the pain specialist and they said not to stop til my back was healed again,,i have kicked in the past though,,how screwed it is that you are trying to get off of them and feel like%^(.. Thier are programs and medicine to make it easier,,go to a addiction specialst Dr,,,,Time heals,,Hopefully soon you will be able to look back at this and say what a relief,,It took me 3 months to get back to normal after a Heroin,,cocaine binge for a yr in the 80s,,to getting on methodone and the detox from the methodone was tore up,,I took some xanax to sleep a couple days a week,,soma for cramps3 or 4 times for a couple weeks,,,,imodium,and a couple valium...lots of water,,gatorade and koolaid,,cherry,,hot showers,,sex,,and some nice walks,,and rubdowns,,TV,,,,swimming,,i stayed clean for about 9 yrs after that till i hurt my back,,what i do now though is prescribed,,

[NautyOne]

Please hang in there.  Oxy is a wicked drug.  I wish I could tell you when you will feel better, but the fact is........nobody knows, as we are all different.  Either take the zoloft or not......taking it erratically is not good for you, and can be part of the problem.  try taking it as directed and I pray you feel better as soon as possible.  Be good to yourself for you and your baby.

Luv,
Nauty.....................

[worried878]

Do you feel really depressed everyday?  Or are some days worse than others?  I would always analyze my good days/and still do so I can keep repeating the things I did that day that helped....anti-depressents do help many

[nwill]

Im in recovery from alcoholism and addiction.  Im studing to be a substance abuse counselor now...I know exactly where you are at.  First let me tell you that there is hope.  Second let me tell you that it is not easy, however, you can do it.  I have a suggestion for you.  Before you go to doctor and try to get anti depressents, go to a narcotics anonymous meeting.  There will be people there that can help you through these times of withdraws and depression.  Some who will be there may be in recovery for a long time and have good advice, some will be new to recovery.  This sight is a great tool, but it is good to meet physically with other addicts.  Everyone there is anonymous and what is said in the rooms stay there.  I use these meeting regularly and it has kept me sober for 3 years.  My heart goes out to you.  And again there is hope.  if i can help you in anyway drop me a line.  You can usually look in your local yellow pages and find a number for narcotics anonymous hotline.  There are people out here that want you to succeed.  God Bless

[GoingToMakeIt]

Welcome to the forum! If you are taking antidepressants and they are not working either the dose is wrong or you need a different type. Don't mix amino acids with antidepressants without checking with a Dr.
You say it is not thyroid? How do you know without a test? Low thyroid can also affect mood, energy, weight and cause general lethargy. Might be wise to get a full checkup. After a month, the runs should be over for the most part. Try taking some high dose 10 Billion+ probiotics. Are you drinking lots of water? Taking walks? This too helps to detox and restore.

[thisissohard]

I finally feel some satisfaction.  To know that I'm not alone.  It's amazing how strangers can reach out to one another in times of dire need. Wow, I felt good for a second!

[bmc1976]

It just takes some time to feel normal again. Our bodies took a lot of abuse because of the pain meds and it takes while for it to heal. I know how you feel. I have been mr. mom over the last few years due to a back injury. I had to detoxed while caring for my 2 children who at the time were 1 and 3 years old. Just hang in there and keep going strong. Tomorrow is another day and it will get better with time. Are you still having problems with your back? What kind of back problems do you have? Maybe I can help or you can help me. Back pain is not a fun experience at all. I know it all too well.
brian

[lucyred68]

start taking the zoloft as directed, it takes a little time to kick in. and for the runs, get some immodium ad.  that is why you are so tired.  if you can't keep any nutrition in, it can't build your strength.  i found that "emergen-C" was a great help in restoring my energy.  it is a vitimin powder that you add to juice or soda. it fizzes up, so leave an inch or so  at the top of the cup.  it actually tastes good.  you will start getting your strength back soon.  it just takes time cause the wd's take so much out of our systems.  hang in there,

Lucy

[thisissohard]

Thank you both for your response. it helps to know you're not alone.  I did call my pain management MD, and he said to check my thyroid.  I know after 5 years of opiates, this is not my thyroid. I have anti depressants, zoloft that I have taken on and off for years. It doesn't do anything.  I know that people use antidepressants to help, but I feel that they are only making me more sleepy.  I also don't take them on a regular basis which may be part of the problem as well. I would never do anything to hurt myself because I am a mother, a daughter, sister, wife. But it's very scary what goes through your head once you don't have that chemical crutch.  You all are truly angels!

[josh231]

yeah i was gona say also talk to you doctor bout geting a anti depresent it takes awhile to kick in but it helps a tonnnnn
also i no its hell and everything but up until last friday i was bed ridden also but that friday i had to go to work and just that like made me all beter for some reason just geting my mind offf everything its weird after i worked this weakend i feel really normal alot might just be you goin like stair crazy u no what i mean? you only can watch so much tv and read so much i think all that made me feel worse than the wds

[cathy5841]

HI, THE ENERGY issue takes time.  have you tried the vitamins and aminos in the health pages.  they help many.  there are certain ones for energy.  i am not sure which are which but goingtomakeit can help with that just send him a note or pm.  sorry you are down.  i hope things get better soon.  sorry you havent gotten any satisfaction here.  maybe things wil pick up for you here too.
cathy

[troubleinohio]

are you on any antidepressants? have you ever been? I think you should be on some, and if you currently are, perhaps the dosage needs upped. It is common to suffer depression when detoxing. I had it bad too, i was nearly suicidal as well. I had been on prozac for years and then i just stopped it cold turkey months before i detoxed...bad choice for me. thankfully i got back on it and i credit it for a good part of being clean almost 90 days now. I really think you should look into getting on some anti'Ds hon. Hang in there, and please keep reading and posting here. This place may just change your life forever.

[KoalaMommy]

God bless you.  It will get easier.  My husband had been on oxycodone for chronic back pain and just decided to stop cold turkey.  He is on his 5th day clean.  He's stuggling also, feeling very depressed and anxious and achy also.  You are a good mom to be thinking of your little one and you will get through this.  Can you call your dr and explain?  Perhaps he can tell you some supplements that will help or even prescribe an anti despressant?  Post here.  These people are so lovely and caring.  You're going to be okay.  Your baby needs you and you are not here by chance but because God chose you to be here for such a time as this.
KM