****** up again

[gunn73]

yesterday i went to the city to see my family. on my way back met 1 of my old friends who is still using heroin, he asked me to join him ............. i refused and came back but that was enough to make me drive back to the city at night .... the urge was so strong i wanted to but couldnt stop myself and i did it. now i m ashamed of my self. i wanted to tell my wife abt it but i can t. she s has planned a trip and this is the first time i ll be taking her outside india, earlier i was never in a position. but if i tell her she s goin to cancel all plans and would want me to go to a rehab again. i don t want that to happen ... she s so excited about the trip. i wanted to share it and this is the best place .... so here it is.
i ve been thinking of posting since i got up but then the thought of betraying u all also crossed my mind. u all have been so supportive and i m sorry for my deed last night.

[staticage]

hey man,it happens..ive heard this story few times,,the good thing is you feel bad for using...and hopefully jump back on track...reality for me with this...had a freind on heroin,,he stopped...did it again,,to much...now hes gone...wow,just teard up..just remember how u felt without it......im on day6 off percs...headn n to work soon....good luck,,,b cool man..i know u got freinds here...

[minn66]

Hi gunn. My heart breaks for you. That stuff has a powerful pull. I honestly don't know what to say about telling your wife. I don't think you should lie. Yet, I don't know what good it would do to tell her.

I guess you realize that the city and people you used to associate with are triggers for you. I have read many posts stressing that one must change one's environment and playmates, so to speak. Also, some form of aftercare is so important.

I am glad you posted. We are human and make mistakes. Lord knows I have made my share of my own. You realize that you do not want to go down that path again. I know you have the strength within you to fight this. If it were easy then there would be no addiction.

I am pulling for you, gunn. Today is a new day. Also, and just a thought, but would going to rehab be a consideration? There is no shame in asking for help. I know it is hard to do. Again, just a few thoughts.

Please take care and keep posting. We care about you.

Minn

[amber22245]

it ***** havin to start over but I've done it 100 times and this time is really sticking for me....You def dont need to apologize to me though as it does happen sometimes....thats the truth though today is a NEW day....stay strong friend :)

[Sarah11212]

Gunn,
Please don't beat yourself up.
Take today as a new day and move forward.
Thinking of you.
Sarah

[phiaNorcoqueen]

Oh sweety, you know things like this happen, and please don't be to hard on your self.. I am so proud of you for admitting this..  but now i hope you plan to get your self back on track..  And do it with your guard up all the time..  you know your triggers and now you know to guard up...  As for telling your wife about the situation i don't believe in lieing to her, although it will absolutly do no  good to tell her either. it will only worry her..    But hey friend please hang in there and stay strong

[littlebit667]

It seems like addiction is always there waiting to take over.  You have done so well, so pick yourself up and keep going. Now you know how easy it is to fall into the trap.  Call it a learning lesson and move forward with your life.  You have been there for us and now we want to be there for you!

[dominosarah]

Dont spend alot of time beating yourself up.  Negative thinking only makes it worse.  Turn this around, plant your feet and come back fighting.  You are worth it gunn.  We have to change our playground and playmates when we clean up.  Find sober healthy people to be with.  Using is no longer an option, recovery is.  Go away with your family and enjoy yourself.  You will see how many things you have to be grateful for~~sara

[bama88]

hey gunn i went 90 days then relapsed. so i defiantly know how u feel. if it was one night. and one night only think about it before you tell your wife. then you'll have your words

[jlannspr]

Man I understand the cravings! I always start craving about this time in recovery (between 20 and 30 days). This brain of ours will do anything to get a fix. Put yesterday behind you, and learn from that lesson. You are definately not dissapointing us, keep strong, today; try to look forward to making your wife happy by enoying the plans she has for you. Keep your head up.

[gunn73]

what i did last night , i know it was just a 1 time gig...........i m so pissed at my self, i was doing so well and i ****** it all up. it s just the guilt that s eating me. i just want her to be happy.

[LostNoMore]

Gunnu - It;s OK man. The main thing is that you're talking about it here, and that one slip won't set you all the way back to square one. Use this as a learning experience, and please get back to your recovery now. Don't get caught up in negative thinking, GO on your vacation!! You deserve it, your family deserves it. Go and be CLEAN!  You're a strong person gunn. You
can beat this. You  know that. I really want you to find some aftercare. We need it. The hard part of this thing is staying clean after we start to feel better and the old mental patterns are still there. We all want you to succeed. Your family sees the changes in you. GET BACK ON THE HORSE. Keep posting and think hard about getting some help.

[10356]

Hi Gunn.. Everyone is right do not beat yourself up It is now in the past..  Go on your vacation with your family and have a wonderful time.. You came clean about your use You can feel good about that You told and that takes a lot of strength and dedication.. when I wrote to you about living with your family as you go thru this Is still good as you can not hide from life forever in your country home separated from your wife.. You need to set up some aftercare in the city meetings counseling.. You need to gain a support system on the outside so You can go back to living your life..  I know you feel safe where you are but it takes more then just removing yourself our what happened last night will reoccur.. Have you thought about moving from the city and starting out somewhere else ? just a thought I hope you do not take this as being harsh just trying to help you set yourself up for success for when you do go back home. take care and be kind to yourself.. lesa

[zoea]

Don't beat yourself up. U know what will happen if u continue. U won't be physically hooked after one use. So quickly move ahead.
Enjoy your holiday.

Be strong
Zoe

[minn66]

Just letting you know I am thinking of you, gunn :)

Minn

[ricart70]

You didn't screw much of anything up.............yet.  Just be extra careful the next few days.Your mind will be working on you.Sometimes when we feel better finally it is then that we think everything will be ok and we screw up.You can get by this hurdle with minimal problems just stay on course with your original plan..still rooting for you.don't worry about us being mad..not a problem

[Allscrewdup]

Dude just put it in the past like it never happened, just regroup and stay focused. Don't tell your wife she will make ot a huge ordeal and you are already stressing enough. Everybody makes mistakes that's what makes us human. Don't look back just keep moving forward.

[Kresaera]

If I had a dollar for everytime that drug sucked me back in I would be much richer... Things like this happen, don't beat yourself up too much and it's a great sign that you feel bad for using. That shows you want to quit!

Good luck in the future gunn, take care.

[littlebit667]

It worries me that you have not posted or checked back in. Please let us and me know how you are doing.  You mean a lot to all of us and I am hoping you are just trying to get a handle on what happened and not hating yourself too much.  Please don't.  You are human...not super human and sometimes we fall, just pick yourself up and keep on going!  

[littlebit667]

we are here to help you!!!!!

[staticage]

hope your doing ok,,thought bout u all day at work...hope to hear positive things fr u soon..take care.

[gunn73]

thank u all for being so supportive. i m alright now, though i didn t tell my wife about it, i might tell her someday in future. but telling u all made me feel a little better. so i shared.
Thank u so much.
love always
gunnu

[lulu747]

Gunn,

Hi you.  You are human and an addict and you relapsed.  It happens.  As the wise folks posted, you must protect your sobriety at all costs.  It means learning to live again, and it takes time and hard work and a lot of self love.  Don't let the shame pull you down deeper.  Move forward and make different choices.  Go and enjoy your vacation with your family, celebrate the moment-you deserve this and all the love and happiness in the world, my friend.  Believe that.

Lu

[dominosarah]

I am glad you are feeling better.  We are always here gunn so lean on us.  We understand and we care about you~~~sara

[MikeInFrance]

I am really sorry to hear about that Gunnu... You just need to pick yourself up and stop it right now before it goes any further. as for your wife and the trip you're planning....only you can answer that question of whether or not you want to keep this from her or when you want to tell her. I don't have any experience to speak on but it would seem to me that lying to her/not telling her has the real potential to create more guilt and shame and that cannot be good for either one of you. Definately stay around here and get the most out of it...it works in good times an bad. Stay strong man! :)