Urge & Temptation so strong today

[Nursey7]

Today is day 22, which I am very happy about. I have never wanted to use so bad as today though. I think I felt so much safer 2000 miles away on vacation. It just dawned on me that even though you tell family, friends and cut sources you still have to be pretty damn strong!! I am going out for a simple birthday dinner tonight with several of nurses I used to work with.  I am excited but in the back of my mind I know one of the nurses has Vicodin 10's. She knows my issue because we have talked and she gets it. However, I have a feeling if I went on with some sob story about how bad I am hurting she would probably give me one. I am seriously sitting here thinking one won't hurt anything because I don't have anymore at the house anyway. It's Friday and I can't get any, blah, blah. I gotta be honest my heads sounding pretty good right now!!!  The other side of me is come on only 8 more days and you got a month! Anyway . . . Bottom line it's up to me . . .

[vicki595]

I agree with IBK, as usual. This dinner plan is too much of a trigger for you and a situation you can easily avoid. It won't always be so easy to avoid as this is.  But, please don't set yourself up. You're still very early in your recovery and "the whispers" won't always be so strong but right now you need to keep your guard up!

Now, on the other hand, you could call your friend before going to dinner and talk about this trigger. She probably couldn't be talked in to giving you anything if she was aware of how you were struggling. And if you're anything like me, you won't beg!

It's up to you. Just be very careful during this time,okay?  I promise you, when you have clean time built up and struggled so much and THEN decide "to take just one", it really bites hard.

I'm really glad you posted today. You're on the right track!

[Life360_Dave]

Hi Nursey, this is exactly the problem when we know we have access to them. Remember how we fool ourselves? I bet this whole delema came up because in the back of your mind you know a friend will have them on her tonight. It might be a good idea to call her and tell her not to bring any as a favor to you. This is just a tempation and no different than any other tempation that we need to stay away from. Youve come to far and you know that ONE pill tonight wont be enough. 4 hours after you take it you will kick yourself really hard. You got to be strong and not have these around you.  We all have to remember where the road to these pills takes us and its nowhere but a struggle over nothing in the end. I wrote this about the end of a abusers life.
"Such a sad ending to a happy life. With all light and hope we are left in
darkness and doom.
Running around the world as fast as our feet can carry,
we are set lifeless in a hole, quite and alone."
Dave

[IBKleen]

One is too many and a thousand is never enough. I hope you don;t find that out the hard way.

Also, we relapse mentally, emotionally and spiritually before we even pick up a drug. It sounds as though that is what is going on with you and if it is then I strongly suggest that you cancel your dinner plans. You are already romancing the idea of a pill and since even you admitted that you could talk her into one, I think you will be in big trouble if you go.

You hear some members here talk about aftercare. This is the exact reason why it is so important. After we put down the drugs we need to re-learn life skills and coping skills and we need to gain relapse prevention tools. I hope you will consider outside support.

Good luck if you decide to go tonight. I'll pray for you.