Yup back again

[Undertow71]

Not really a question,this is just a nightmare way to live.I went cold turkey a while back and after 2 weeks relapsed for another 2 months,Ran into some suboxone and used 2 strips to get off yet again.things were going great then i got into a 4 wheeler accident.
   I.V. dilauded in the hospital on top of 10/325's for 2 days and having more meds snuck in,I had stuff stashed at home for emergency,this collar bone hurts like hell.Had a hole in my lung also.That was 1 week aggo today.I went thru 30 10's and 60 7.5's in 5 days.did not hinder sleep at all.Now i am out of meds and withdrawl is setting in.Now i can go buy more and spend all my money i have till i can work again,or sit here in excrutiating pain at the same time having d/t's
  I was f**** done with this ****,had it up to my hairless head and here i am again.I just want to cry because this rollercoaster is killing me.I felt great,no cravings full of energy happy all the time and now it's back to mood swings and feeling ugly inside.
  I am just so angry at this way of living and the people it brings into my life.NOT the way i want to live at all.
And all this started with back surgery 5 years aggo.i think i will just go get a sub and get this over with and just deal with the pain using naproxen.it does help.but being used to opiates again and now not having them ,well u know it just makes pain worse.

[Undertow71]

totaly understand that,and  doing such as you say has made me a happier person.I got thru my depression quickly this year so far anxiety has beeen very low.U see i am bi0polar and go thru depression cycles.Being aware of the onset and taking the time as you say,i meditate some,and it crushed my first round of depression for this year.
Usualy nov. to jan. is my 2nd round for the year.

[ImDONENoMore]

Anything that speaks to you on a real and honest level is good for you right now.  So keep doing those things if you feel up to it.  I'm just saying allow yourself to slow down too as you don't want to get ahead of yourself here.  But if it feels right, and it's keeping you clean, that's really all that matters.  I just mention taking the downtime every once in a while as a way to regroup and re-energize.

[Undertow71]

ty so much for the encouragement.
      Thats why being broken down stinks.when i go 4 wheeling or out on the suzuki.it is restfull and makes me feel great,i stop at places walk in the woods n just BREATH ya know?and  reflect on things it gives me peace and strength.

[ImDONENoMore]

I understand that, but sometimes you have to slow down to get through something.  Staying busy is good but allow yourself the downtime as well - too much pressure on yourself won't help.

And I'm sorry about the injuries - I know pain very well.  It SUX is right.  But there are alternatives to pain management that don't include taking narcotics, so you can look at those options once you're feeling a bit stronger.

Hang in there - allow yourself to feel crappy for a while, letting go like that (if you will?) will help with the anxiety.

[Undertow71]

The aftercare that has worked for me is staying busy doing healthy things,Lifestyle change ya know?I was working 40 and doing side jobs and riding in between staying busy doing things that make me happy without the meds,it works for me,but this sitting here with the broken collar bone doing nothing SUX.Still in the last 3 days i worked on a dirtbike and did a brake job yesterday on the kids car.went for a ride on the bike.short 1/2 hr ride.I just can't stop n sit still.ADHD n all.

[ImDONENoMore]

Welcome back!  Wish it was under better circumstanes, but it's great that you returned and are posting again.

And GOOD - believe it or not - these feelings are GOOD.  You're fed up and tired of the lifestyle and want to make a change.  So you know the drill for early withdrawal (stock up, showers, walking, etc.) - the real question now is what do you plan to do for aftercare???  You have to have a plan in place or you'll relapse again.

Find something that works for you as far as aftercare goes.  Then DO IT. :)

[Undertow71]

Just looking for support.i know the drill all too well.Thanx peoples!!!