The Day is getting Strange

[T2112]

Hi All - I posted a few days ago about trying to taper or quit CT off of 20+ pills per day (Codeine, Hydrocodone & Fioricet).  It was easy to post at the time that it won't be a problem and that's what I had said.  On Mon (12/31) I had taken roughly 16 pills (I think). Then on Tue (1/01) I decided to drop to 8 pills which I did. I wanted to drop to 6 pills but around 9pm last night I wasn't feeling to well so I took 2 more. I knew I had to come to work today and I had a 2 1/2 hour meeting. Now even though I had taken 4 pills by the start of the meeting, during the meeting I began to feel dizzy, uncharacteristically nervous, very quiet, and shaky. I suppose this is all normal. I would like nothing more than to go the rest of the day without taking any more but I have a function to attend with my daughter tonight that I need to participate in and don’t want to appear strange to the others. I feel embarrassed that I got to this point. I know that the first day of cutting the dose in half is nothing, probably because of what’s in my system and I really didn’t feel all that bad. Today however, the day is getting strange. I set up a taper plan for myself and I have 4 pills here with me that I am trying not to take but I am having a hard time here at work.  I never expect to go from 20+ to 8 per day and not feel bad. Ironically, there is a Flu going around and I do have the opportunity to simply melt in with those that are under the weather and people will think that I am sick. It may not be my proudest moment but I do think I MAY be able to get down to only 6 pills today if I can only wait until this evening to take another 2 pills. I have enough pills to taper at a slower rate but I just want to be off them now. If I can make it to Friday without going over 6 per day then I think I can just go CT Friday afternoon and tough out the weekend on movies and playing guitar. I know you cannot give advice on taper plans but does anyone have experience on tapering too soon? The plan I set up for myself was over a 3 week period but I want it over in less than 1 week. Thanks for listening.

[YesLife4Me]

Thanks Vicki...I was going to mention that and forgot.   I had a wicked addiction to those years ago as well.   I would get shaky, trembles, head zaps, stomach pain, and headaches when I would ct off.  I finally had to get medical help to get off them.   My Dr prescribed some meds to help and they made all the difference.  

[vicki595]

Hi- I just want to point out that Fioricet is not a drug you can taper as quickly as you are. It should never be ct'd either. That drug must be tapered slowly by small amounts at a time.  If you don't do it that way you'll feel terrible, shaky, and set yourself up for a seizure.

I would suggest that you quit one of those opiates and then slowly taper the two drugs you have left.  I think you'll feel a lot better.

[T2112]

I know you're correct. I'm not worried about the WDs. It's the fact that life does not stop so one can get through them. Probably just another excuse. I will try to not to take any and see what happens. I don't mind the Fog, or shaking but I just would prefer that my 14 y/o daughter, who is Daddy's girl, dosen't find out. She knows I take them for legit pain issues but I have never let her see how many I take. 15 years ago I messed up my kidneys taking way too many Advil for far too long. That's how the Rx for the pain killers started. The biggest problem in a way is that they worked great. But once I began taking them just to take them it was like the Ball & Chain saying. I hated them but loved taking them. I am worried about my liver from the acetominephin in the pills. Everyday my daughter and I do something together and every time we do I start to feel guilty about taking them so I just take more for the euphoric feeling and the guilt passes. At lest for a few hours. Today I have only taken 4 pills with the last ones around 8:00am (EST) today. I will try to just not take any and I will not take any with me tonight. I sincerely appreciate the support. It's actually harder than I thought it would be that night of my first post.

[Fireby29]

I always could find reasons why I was different, not really addicted, and why I needed to keep using the hydro.  It was all bull$/)!, and I was a addict.  

On another note, I could never, ever taper.  If I had pills, I would use, period.  Unless the dosage is really high to where you need a doctors help I always recommend to go cold turkey and to cut all sources because many of us can get weak and cave.  Not having any at all access to pills is what keeps us safe.  Good luck, keep posting.

Bryan

[toothfairie]

just wanted to lend my support!   i've been where you are and it's not easy....i was lucky enough to take off work for a couple weeks during my detox.....and no small children to take care of....you can get thru it, either way you go, i wish you luck and plz know you have our support on here!  just keep posting when you need to!  good luck!

[T2112]

I know you are correct. In my earlier post I stated that I "had" to take 2 pills at 9pm last night. As soon as I took them I began to feel a bit better immediately. Now I know they do not produce an immediate effect. I know I felt a bit better just because, mentally, I knew I had taken them. I then felt irritated at myself for doing so. I will try to do as you have suggested. It is strange being in the Fog but I don't suspect that I could go from 20+, to 8 to 4 in 3 days without feeling lousy. As I type this I am already thinking about a meeting tomorrow that I have been working 3 years to make happen and that I will need to take a couple for that.  I need to just stop making excuses and ride the storm out. Thanks

[ang_811]

Stupid phone...lol.

[ang_811]

Our disease will give us any reason to use.  U have to wanna b more sober than u do high. U have to fight with everything u have as ur fighting for ur life... U only have to go thru withdrawls once and that's it. Put one foot n front of the other and live n the present.

Good luck n keep posting.

[ang_811]

Our disease will give us any reason to use.  U have to wanna b more sober than u do high. U have to fight with everything u have as ur fighting for ur life... U only have to go thru withdrawls once and that's it. Put one foot n front of the other and live n the present.

Good luck n keep posting.

[YesLife4Me]

I whole heartedly agree with Andie.   I could always find a reason to take more.   I identify with the work demands, meetings, kids, etc.   And when we get past those, then comes another reason.   The cycle just continues until you decide to break it.  

[Andie015]

From my experience I can tell you that there is always a reason to take just a couple more pills....like not wanting to seem "weird" at your daughters function, the fact that you have to go to a function at all, you have to make it through a meeting, you have to make it through that day....  That is the addiction talking....you DO NOT need pills to make it through any of this, its just easier to take pills and escape than it is to deal with life.  I know this all to well.  I couldn't get out of bed without them, or take a shower or go grocery shopping....nothing.  You need to free yourself, whether you go to treatment, which I recommend, or you find a way to do it on your own, the freedom you will gain is worth all of the discomfort of going through wd's.  Unfortunately the withdrawals are just the start of the process and not every day is wonderful once you get clean, but its better than needing a little pill to face your life.  The mental ease of not thinking about pills non-stop is worth it alone.  Good luck to you...I hope you find freedom....

[T2112]

Let me tell you what is helping me. I read the post of others on this site. I actually sat in my office on Monday and spent 4 hours just reading Posts & Replies. I gained knowledge from other's experiences. I relaized that there are others that are in the same situation as I am. It allowed me to confess and receive support. As I type this I am in that "Fog" and cannot concentrate but from other posts/replies I have read I will keep moving and only do what I can. It sounds like you have a supply to begin to taper as do I but let's not. My last 2 pills were at 8:30am (EST) and I am going to see if I can get to 4:00pm. I wish I could just CT. If youre on day 3 of CT then please be proud of yourself. I have read that after day 5 it gets better. You are almost there. And I agree with you that I hate to love the pills. Hang in there.

[pillpopperhell]

I seriously am so lost and overwhelmed

[pillpopperhell]

I'm on day three of c/t and I'm thinking of starting up a tapering plan for myself.  Probably just the addiction talking but I just want what easiest.  Good luck.  This is pure hell.  I just hate to love the pills