What the doc said...

[soalone]

To all of you that know my situation that I posted about last night...those of you not familiar it is under the title 'Oxycontin Withdrawal'...
Anyhow, I just got back from seeing my pain doc. At first he was very angry with me and immediately said "I cannot proscribe medications to you anymore"....I knew that was coming.
The first words out of my mouth of course was a huge apology, followed by an explanation...but the explanation really didn't matter. We both know that wha I did was wrong, very wrong and illegal.
He explained his liablilies, etc...also telling me this NOW, that he normally doesn't like to or doesn't AT ALL prescribe these meds for Fibro....My mouth dropped and I said "God, I wish that you would have told me this long ago!"...But he said in certain circumstances, if the meds seem to be working and the patient-doctor relationship is honest (which it completely was up until this point) that he does rarely use these types of meds....
I'm thinking...oh man...this really bites.
So now what? He says "I don't know what you're going to do from here".
I explained about running out of meds during the cruise and pleaded with him to PLEASE taper me down....and low and behold he did. I just explained that there was no way that I could c/t for a week with a group of 18 women (mostly family) and try to explain that one? Especially since my grandmother bought me this cruise...how heart breaking that would be for her.
I have already been in contact with the police on this matter. The police have already spoken to my doctor on this matter. Both my doctor and the cop are going to try to get me out of this....it isn't up to them...but neither of them want to see me get thrown in jail. They know I've made a HUGE mistake, and how very sorry I am...if I could change it now I would!!!  I have a CLEAN record...never even a speeding ticket!!! No prior anything...nothing. So they think that this will all just be a big wake up call....I've already done an over an hour interview with the cop and written a voluntary statement. I've been very coperative with everyone. I am not a bad person. Just made a very bad desicion...and now just want to get off of this **** so that I can get on with my life and enjoy the life that I used to know...and enjoy that beautiful little girl that I have. The cop already told me too, that they would serve me with a summons, instead of a warrant. I begged and pleaded with him too, that I cannot go to jail. They realize that I am not a criminal, but a good, single-loving mother that is just trying to get back on her feet after 2 years of major medical problems.
So that is what I know for now...I feel like a load has been lifted off of my shoulders...Just speaking out has helped....now I just need to talk to my family, for they know nothing. It is going to be very difficult, but must be done....
Thanks everyone....

[Zakk169]

Hey soalone,
I am so happy for you. I must admit, I don't know the details of what happen to you to get in that situation, but it sounds like you are on your way to a great life again...

Now I need to get my head out of my *** and start my detox!!!!

Zakk

[mintz]

Good for you!!!  

[soalone]

I did accept you to my 'friends' list...means alot right now to me. When I get my head a little more clearer I will be able to give back to all here. I am a great support and love to help people...right now I can barely help myself, so I'm just trying to stay afloat, ya know? Thank goodness I found this site and some great people to talk to. I belong to another support group online that I've used for the past 2 years...for a medical condition that I had and those people are amazing! They saved me and helped me get thru so much! I made such great friends that I am actually going to go visit some of them in a few months...now how neat is that? What would we do without the internet? It's not like you can just talk to anyone that you know (in person) like family or friends about issues like this...it is much deeper, much scarier and something that they would never understand. Thank you again, thank you all...you are really great! :)

[toxictome]

I sent you a PM..go check it out!!!

[soalone]

Thanks everyone for your words...I appreciate your feedback and support, and really need that right now. I wish that I had time to post back individually but I have too much to do and off to work I need to go.

And to oxyaddict420....ya know, I'm not dodging bullets here. I'm WELL aware of the facts. It's just that I'm trying to NOT kill myself (and I mean that literally) and try to look forward to this trip that has been planned for 9 months!!!! Is that SO wrong of me? You are making me feel even worse because I want and NEED to feel that sunshine on my face and to be in PEACE right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then when I get home, I will be served with a summons to appear in court...and life will go on.....so please don't hassle me about my "Goddess Getaway" cruise that my grandmother has got me! I would rather you NOT respond to any more of my posts please, so far all you have done is make me feel like worse slime than I already do. You are not the support that I am seeking...sorry. Peace out!!!

[toxictome]

Glad things are working out for you. Close call...but honesty is the best policy!!!
So get on w/your cruise and we'll be here for you when you get back.....
Have fun and catch some rays for me!!!!!

[flmagi]

Whewwww. I am so releived for you. Was worrying about your situation all day today. You're making some positive steps and this will bring you positive results as you can already see. Being honest with your doctor, the cops and coming to this forum has already taken a weight off your shoulders and is setting you on the right path. I'm sure you're breathing alot easier right now. Enjoy your cruise, then get your butt back here so we can help you get clean and not ever have to go thru something like this again. I'm really so happy for you that things are looking up. Ya better start packing!!!!
Magi
P.S. The weather down south here is beautiful so you should have some smooth sailing.

[rosebud66]

Whew!!  One hurdle down one more to go...Then you can start to get the help you need.  I sure hope you realize that since it has only been 8 months, although it will be hard that the damage done to your brain will be minimal.  Nothing that won't get repaired after some time off the meds.  So happy that you were honest and he helped you.

Good luck and have fun on your vacation.
Look forward to seeing you here when you need some support to get thru the taper and quitting in the near future.

[worried878]

Doctor's are human beings too...some of them anyway! lol  I am so glad he worked with you...he probably feels a little responsible as well....have fun on your cruise

[oxyaddict420]

Ignore my last post in the other thread, as I hadn't seen this post yet.. You seem to be really dodging a bullet here.. This was super severe and some people could even go to prison for these actions.. THANK GOD YOU AREN'T ONE OF THEM!  Having a clean record, and cooperating to the fullest always helps!  It must have been hard to deal with this, but hopefully you know that you have people here that care and that will support you.. I was never trying to be mean, or harsh but just wanted you to see how severe of a situation this really was..

BEST OF LUCK!!

[Flutterby111]

I'm so happy he didn't just quit you C/T...be responsible with this for the sake of your sanity, your body, your cruise, and your loved ones.  You will heal from this.  ANd love your little girl to peices....muah.  Be safe.

[vamom51]

Things will work out - hopefully it was the wake up call that you needed!  That is the main reason I have never resorted to unlawful ways (other than sneaking from family members - not one of my proudest moments), because my husband is in law enforcement.

My most recent wake up call (other than running out of pills!) was when my husband, who has an EXTREMELY bad back, woke me up at 2 AM needed some pain medicine for his back.  Let me say, he probably takes 2 pain pills a YEAR.  Does not like to take them, so when he asks, it's BAD.  Of course, I've already gone through his meds ages ago.  So I had to take one out of my stash to give him.  How else could I explain why there were no pills??  I laid awake for 2 hours after that thinking what have I done?  My loving husband needs them so rarely, and when he needs them, they should be here!!  So I here I am, 30 hours into no pills.

There is a light - we just have to remember that when we can't see it.  I'm telling myself this as much as you!

On a much happier note - what cruise line are you going on???  Have you ever been before??  They are SO much fun - we go on one once a year!!

[GoingToMakeIt]

Wow, that took guts. That must've been hard to admit. I bet you feel a thousand times better, getting this off your chest. I am betting that things will totally work out for you.