Support plz

[stilltrying1965]

Hi my name is James im a heroin addict. Clean for  7 months. But i dont know how or why this started but im always thinking of my doc.This has been going on for over a month. Any answers would be a great help. I know i should be going to meetings and my councilor but i cant im careing for my wife who is unwell at the moment.I get it into my head that im going to lose her. If that happened i would most likely go back to heroin to numb the pain. I hate seeing my wife so unwell. Can anyone give me the answers to the way i feel.Just yesterday i found myself in the wrong company and that is not good for me Any help would be greatful ,,,,,James

[Wolfmedicine]

James,

Jay just told me what's going on and I read your thread (Ryhmes huh?).  Congrats on being clean for seven months!  That's awesome! Hang in there.

Thinking about your doc and doing it is an entirely different deal.  I have not seen or touched Heroin in over 30 years and I still smell it sometimes when reminded, but I'm not bothered.  Distract yourself by doing something you like (whatever, watch a movie, play some music, search youtube for stuff).  I highly recommend that you contact your counselor.  If you can't leave your wife, place a call and talk to him/her on the phone.

You obviously love your wife and want to do right by her.  Getting back on the $hit is not doing right.  Heroin does not travel in circles of nice people, on the contrary, usually some pretty serious characters.  Think about this.  What happens to your wife if you go to get it and something bad happens to you or you get busted and put in Jail?  YES it can happen to you.  It sure did to me, all of the above.............

[sweatinit]

James,

PLease listen to Kim! She knows you better than anyone and she knows what is best for you. She needs you to be really strong; both physically and mentally. I know you love that girl with every fiber of your being, my friend and you're sad, but you've got to take an hour or so and go!

I am really sorry she isnt feeling well! I miss you guys like crazy and pray for you often Hugs to you both.

Dont be a stranger around here. K? Being active on here really does help.

Much love, K

[stilltrying1965]

Thank you for your kind response. Mywife haslung cancer and is very ill at themoment. Kim told me to go to a meeting but im want to spend my timewith Kim. It would be nice to speak to your husband Thank you verymuch ,,,James

[laurel453]

you are beating yourself again during a stressful, a tough time..... i think that we are so used to beating ourselves that we just have a hard time not doing it and switch to this reaction at first but we can reverse this first reaction , a very self destructive one into a healthier reaction, don't overthink too much and turn to the healthier options for the sake of them .... don't let yourself keep doing this to you, James.. you saved yourself once when you stopped, keep doing it, my friend.

[Jaybay]

Hi James.  I'm going to ask my husband to check this thread when he returns in a few hours.  He was a heroin addict over 30 years and he says he still thinks about it - even has dreams about it.  He relapsed badly on prescription drugs a couple years ago and is now almost a month off Suboxone, but thank God never went back to heroin or injecting.  He also has had to deal with me being very ill and in and out of the hospital with surgeries, etc., so you both have a lot in common.

It sounds like you're doing what addicts around the world do so well: stinkin' thinkin'.  You're in emotional pain from trying to recover from addiction and also from seeing your wife so ill.  That little addict voice inside you is trying to get your attention to shut down that emotional pain by using again.  It's a royal mind flock, but you don't have to listen to that voice.  

As 2livehealthy pointed out, it's times like these that you need a sponsor.  Someone who knows you and your situation a little more personally than we do, and who is more immediately available to you.  Surely your wife would support you leaving the house for a meeting once in a while, yes?  You mention that you have a counselor.  Can you put in a call?  Since you are thinking about using again, I call that an emergency.

It sounds like you love your wife very, very much.  She's a lucky lady to have you taking such good care of her.  Can you give us any details about her illness and what has you convinced that you will lose her?

[stilltrying1965]

doc IE drug of choice Thanks for the answers ,,James

[laurel453]

James, i think you can answer some of the questions you are making... you are the one who  can change the way you are thinking .... you can not go to a meeting even if you are having such a tough time ? even if  you might be saving your sobriety by doing so ? if you found yourself on the wrong company, you could have also found yourself on the right company, right ? you will be caring for Kim much better.... please, you know where you are heading to if you don't take the right steps... start with one. Don't think on the future, just focus on the present and doing your best.

i am so sorry also that Kim is not feeling well, send to her my best wishes, please.

[2livehealthy]

Hi James,
Sorry to hear about your wife ... what's her illness? Why are you always thinking about your doctor? I don't understand that comment...sorry. I would suggest instead of putting yourself in a position with "the wrong company" take that time to call your sponsor - or attend a meeting. I've heard terrible things about heroine addiction so congratulations on beating that demon! I'm impressed with your tenacity just remind yourself of how difficult it must have been to quit. If you're not having physical withdrawals then why oh why dear James would you ever put yourself in that situation again? Just stay strong and pray. I wish you and your wife the best. Just remember to be strong. God speed.