Clean or not

[hollys]

Hello I have a question for all of you and I am asking that you please be 100% honest where you think it will upset someone or not. I am on methadone and clean from all other drugs. All I take is Methadone one time a day. I am told that I am now clean but a lot of people look at it as not being clean. Not Methadone has saved my life, family, homes and self respect etc.... I do not get high on methadone and can't abuse the program. So my question to you is am I clean or not in your honest answer PLEASE

[avisg]

I am not going to answer that and I am going to tell you why it does NOT matter what I think or what any other member thinks it only matters what you think !!!!!!! Do you let anyone influence the way you feel about you .....

Avis

[worried878]

agree...u r taking your medication as intended,,not to get high..just to sta well and move forward...i think u r doing the best u can do and that u r not "dirty"  i guess i would vot clean as u r living healthy and staying on track...kudos to u and be safe

[GA Guy]

I agree with avisg. It does not matter a bit what I, or anyone else on this forum thinks. It's a personal choice you made. Please, don't let other people's opinions about YOUR health hinder YOUR recovery. Get into a program, seek some support, get mentally well, and then get off the methadone. People's opinions on whether you are clean or not should be furthermost from your mind.

[freebird227]

Again here goes one more I cant answer that    What I see here are a group of people who support you in finding your own answers and also encouraging   you  in whatever you choose.I went on meds 7 years ago does that make me dirty. My answer is NO I am med compliant  and responsible to my recovery.  God luck,,,freebird227

[onthefence]

who would want to take time & thought to write ,,, when so many posts get deleted. this forum to censored. its terrible.

[Dezdon]

My sister is on meth and still battles everyday not to up her dose on her own and get high.  Its too easy.
  I think your doing your best with what tools you have and comend you for the efforts. Being clean is not an easy thing, period.

[dominosarah]

I agree with avis.......it doesnt matter what anyone thinks.  This is YOUR recovery.  We each have to do what is right for us.............sara

[flmagi]

I can't take a poll on judgeing your life and recovery either. It doesn't matter what we think, we are not here to judge, only support.  
Sounds like you are doing what is best for you.
Stay strong.

[j34]

As long as your finding a new way to live and are enjoying life.

[scaredmom330]

we are all here as your friend, to support you. Not judge you. if you need medication and take it as directed, not to get high then why would you think or anyone else think you are so called dirty? dont let other opinions affect the way you live your life. take care

[mtgoat911]

its not really a black or white situation when you factor in a real person
tecnically you are clean when you are off all narcotics
but you seem to be heading that way
i too was on methadone, i did not consider myself clean, but at the time i was doing the best i could do
as i am sure you are too
do you want to get off the methadone?
i am so happy that i no longer have to drink that stuff, my whole life was centered around the clinic
i had to ask the clinic doctor if i could go on vacation, because i could not go without my methadone
when you are really clean, you dont need permission to leave town
and you do not rely so much on medicine, and psychiatry
but on the other hand you have to go through life without having the methadone to fall back on
my first instinct was to vote NO
but i dont want you to feel bad about yourself
addiction is not a moral issue, its a disease
you need people who believe in you and want to help you in recovery
recovery is an inside job, no matter what we or they think
its up to you to recover
we are not responsible for our addiction , only what we want to do about it
xo

[steveo30]

mt goat i think had alot of informative comments.i myself have had a pretty bad addiction to meth .i guess if it keeps you out of trouble and you do whats right by your family,friends or job it is benefical, i can tell you from experience that it is like liquid handcuffs and i guarantee you will not be on it forever so when it's time to go off of this terrible medication you will not have a very fun time coming off.to answer your question yes you are dirty but not controlled.when it's time to ween off make sure your under medical supervision.i'm sorry theres no easy way to come off methodone,it's the most addictive drug made in the 20th century because of it's long half life 24 to 36 hours.i would suggest doing your homework.ask the doctors that are online 24-7.go to top of this page and hit forums,that will take you to the doctors.they will answer your questions,sometimes they are busy but always respond.when it comes to methodone you need to be very informative as this drug can destroy us

[hollys]

I just wanted to say thanks for everything that each one of you wrote. I understand what your saying I just get so tired of some of ppl in my family saying your not clean your on methadone and just wanted to see how others felt. This morning I went to group and had a very enjoyable time I spoke for about 15 mins I am not one to get up an talk but for some reason this morning I felt safe.....

[broknbck]

well it sounds like you have a good thing going and it is getting you there.
but just the fact that you are questioning it proves that you have not arrived where you really want to be.
drug free right?
hey, these things can take time. just keep striving for what you want and you will get there. at least you are in control now right?
do not let family discourage you. they really do not fully understand, but i am sure they just care about you. and yes they are right that you are not fully clean yet as you are taking the meth.
so it may take some time yet. it is a huge thing to get totally clean from everything and doesn't happen over nite.
when you are ready the meth will be next.

[mtgoat911]

my family hated me on methadone, infact i lost custody of my childen as a result of methaodne and "other" matinence drugs
i personally was unable to function on them, not like i can clean
but thats my experience
when i did get off mmt and ".............", my husband decided that he would stay on mmt
i got sick of watching him nod out, and eventually had to remove myself from the situation
your family knows you better than we do, if they are noticing that you are not clean, maybe they have  a better perspective
you stated that all is well, you mentioned that methadone has saved your family, yet your other post shares that your family has a problem with you on the methadone
you also talk about methadone restoring your self-esteem, but you are on here feeling some shame
not trying to get in your face over all this
i have been a part of several interventions my own and others
delt with many mmt patients, including myself, the inability to see reality can be damaged by matinence drugs
sometimes its hard to see the truth......even in recovery
so do not beat yourself up
you know your parents love you, even if they think you are dirty, ask a few other people who know you AND are not using, listen to them
and ask yourself
"what do i want?"
xo

[christos24]

along with avisg, regardless of what the poll determines as far as percentages go, you are clean if you are sticking to YOUR treatment plan, not taking any other mood altering substances, i mean ANY others, even alcohol, marijuana, anything..if you are taking just the methadone alotted to you daily properly, then you are clean and in recovery..you are doing a great job and should be extremely proud regardless if someone believes you arent clean because of methadone, they have different skewed opinions and need to keep their mouths to themselves...the question reminded me of NAmeetings..if you are on suboxone treatment or MMT(methadone treatment) you are supposed to keep that "hush hush", and not tell anyone about it in the open and alone, cuz you are considered not clean and considered "using"..its bogus and sad, they want you to get off pain killers or H, but if your in treatment they shun you away, its silly and ridiculous and anyone in recovery should be aware of that nonsense, even funnier, a meeting i was in, someone severely broke theyre arm was already on suboxone treatment, apotent pain killer, but was questioning cuz of the "pain" whether he should go along with the doctors and be put on ms contin(morphine) and norcos(hydrocodone) and all the members werre ok with that because it was prescribed and medically supervised...ISNT THAT WHAT METHADONE CLINICS ARE?! Lets jsut say I was just a little outraged-youll know if you are clean or not, its how you feel inside, and youll know it...christos

[christos24]

IT DOES NOT MATTER IF A MAJORITY THINK YOU ARE DIRTY, YOU ARE NOT TAPERING OFF YOUr STREET DRUG OR DOC, YOU ARE NOT RELAPSING, YOU ARE ON A MEDICALLY SUPERVISED TREATMENT PLAN AND STICKING TO JusT THAT, YOU SHOULD BE PROUD OF YOURSELF AND CELEBRATE YOUR RECOVERY SO FAR!!!...people need to do some research on this matter, some of these post and poll answers are far fetched and absolutely outrageous....wow, america..wow..THIS IS SAD-christos

[mtgoat911]

i attended na meetings on matinence drugs
i talked about it to people, found many who had been there
i did not talk about it in meetings, because it is agiasnt na traditions
these drugs, along with psyc. meds are considered "outside issues"
and when i do refer to them i say my "outside issues" are bothering me
but i am not the type to get drug specific in meetings
to me, its not what you were addicted to
its all about what you want to do about it
sometimes when i share my store i do refer to methadone as liquid hand cuffs
but i never go into a whole lot of using stories or specifics
usually stick with my experience
what happened, why i got clean and what its like now
there is nothing sad about this thread
the theraputic value of one addict helping another is without parallel
xo

[mtgoat911]

christos, just read your bio, saw you just started methadone
that certainly explains a few things
just wanted to let you know that i was on methadone for 10 years
and i could relate to your story
xo

[christos24]

thats good to here, message me your stroy soemtime...i definitely believe NA, group, and therapy meetings are crucial in recovering and staying clean, but the hiding of being in treatment bothers me, and not all of the 12 steps I follow exactly, but thats whatspecial about NA is that YOU make up a treatment plan that works for you, you jsut keep hsuh hush about treatment issues....i do love hearing others experiences and the positive info and the negative sides of things, i really believe that regardless if your in a suboxone treatment program or methadone treatment that group meetings where theya re all in some sort of treatment is teh msot helpful in recovery. you can get down to teh core issues of exactly waht cravigns for what drugs youa re ahving, etc...thanks mtgoat911-christos24

[mtgoat911]

well, i am off to put the kids to bed
but i will tell you about my last year on methadone
i was heading for renal failure, my body had becomed somewhat atrophied, i was unable to get out of bed to shower or use the bathroom without a walker
keep in mind i was 28 years old
one day my husband (who was also on methadone) hit a parked car and almost killed my child
that day i said, no more methadone
a couple of weeks later i was in icu
i hate talking about that last year
one day i hope to post a journal or two
i was 18 when i got on methadone
its my drug of choice, i like herion but methadone was easy to get and cheap
but anyways,,,,kids are calling
i will add that my clean date is 8/23/04
there is life after dope
xo

[christos24]

the three things are very important to all the NA meetings ive attended Ive been to 15 different churches and groups and talking about treatment has always been the same, you dont tell anyone unless you want to be looked down upon by some

[cynicalslave]

It's the difference between being sober and being drug-free. If you're not getting high, then you're sober. But you're not drug-free.It's still prolonging the addiction in my mind. It's safer than the alternative, but if you are feeling guilt over it then may be something to work on discontinuing. Anyway, that's my two cents(I don't even understand that phrase) good luck!

[benzo1961]

IT IS TOTALLY UP TO YOU HOW YOU FEEL IF YOUR  COMFORTBLE WITH YOUR SITIONTION THAN YOUR FINE. WERE NOT HERE TO JUDE YOU BUT TO HELP YOU. GOOD LUCK  :)