Hi again SJS49,
We have so much in common. I c/t off a long, long time of opiates abuse (plus) and then got my Methadone, that was prescribed for pain, down to 30mg and jumped off of that with street bought adderral (snorted both) and took a klons (benzo) at night to come down. I have even change my eating habits, but these cigs I am still working on. I have got down to about 1-2 a day, with puffing here and there outside in the cold. We do not smoke in the house, or one after the other anymore since I am not wired up. At my Bible study we go over so much about our health and so fourth, but these darn cigs are really the worse for me then anything, because of my Heart too. WE know deep down what it is doing, so I just work the best I can at it and Pray hard. I did not even start smoking until my later 30s. I know deep down I can do it, but I just think right now I am not 100% ready.
Yes, it is a fact that the using any kind of Benzos or Downers, sort of speaking, will cause more anxiety if used for a long period of time. I have had many talks about this with Drs, plus lots of reading. I read how and what it does to parts of the brain, nervous system and so fourth.
The more I go to Church and surrender to my Lord the better things are getting. No fear about death right now and I try not to get to down about the ones who are gone. It took me some working at with other Christians to get to the point of excepting this. SO..as like drugs and booze, those are out of my life and the cigs will be done with. I am working on staying away from these Triggers and change my behaviors with something better. Ha!.
WE CAN DO IT!!!
Like you, I am always grateful for what I do have, I grieve for what/who I have lost, and I know death is inevitable. The older I get, the older my mom gets, and the more scared I become. I have a HUGE, irrational fear of death. I've learned how to deal with it a little bit, and believe it or not, since I quit taking Ativan all together, like a year or so ago (I wasn't addicted to it, so don't know how long it's been), my fear of death has subsided a bit. Call me crazy, but the one thing that I though was helping my panic attacks (Ativan), I think was actually making them worse when it wore off and inducing them more. And death always went hand in hand with my panic. Still does, just not as frequently. Oh, I also plan to talk to my doctor about how to help me quit smoking...so funny, I can quit pills cold turkey, but not cigarettes. Every time I light up a cigarette, I just have fear and they taste like s**t and I want to quit, but God Bless it, I just can't do that cold turkey hahaha. Anyway, it has started scaring me about getting cancer in the long run, and all the health problems that come with it are starting to concern me. After I quit smoking, I will be like a saint! No recreational drugs, no prescription drugs, no marijuana, I don't drink, man, I will just be the way God created me! And that will be a GREAT feeling!!!
Hi SJS49.
Wow!! Your time went fast from this side of life..lol
YES..trust me when I say, take every moment of your time on this earth and show your love to your loved ones. Life goes bye fast and death is certain..sorry!
When I turned 60 it was the strangest age of all. You just flash back on your life and look at how much time you have left to do the things you want/need to do. LOVE your Family at all cost and at all times. This yr around the holidays I get very lonely and miss many of my family, but I was OK this yr because I gave it to my God. However, I did tell him that I am only humane on this earth and it still can cuts like a knife. I still even grieve for my Dogs. However....Life is GOOD right now and I am very Grateful for what I do have. I have lots of land and wild animals to share it with beside my Hub, Cats & Moose (moms dog) who is still with us.
SO...YOU go and give your Family all the LOVE you can!!!!
Bless U
Vickie
Hi Vicky! Happy New Year...I am a little late. I have some New Years resolutions...I am going to try to exercise more, and try to spend more time with my family (like my mom, my brother and my sister). I feel like I have become very distant from them over the past couple years since my boyfriend went to jail and my son was born. My brother's baby is only 4 days older than my son, so I want them to spend more time together, as I was always with my cousins! I also resolve to keep my clean time going at all cost. I am 6 1/2 months in and I can't believe it has been that long! It feels like just yesterday. But then again, I can't believe my oldest son just turned 21 last month, and that also feels like yesterday. I hope you had a great holiday season! I know I did...the first holiday season I have been pill free in almost 10 years and it felt amazing! Although, I'm not sure about anyone else, but I am really exhausted now that the holidays are over and I am relaxed lol.
Hello....Tonight is the night. 2017 is going to be a good yr.
I do not think there is a different in being clean and sober. A drug is a drug and booze is a drug. Some people just say it that way..Ha!
I did not hear anybody say anything about there new yrs resolution???? Also, what are you Grateful for these days.
Hope everyone has a great News Years!!!
Bless U
Vickie
PS. Where is everyone??????????
h i Vickie...you beat me to our Holiday post.....I agree with it and would just like to add that both N/A and A/A run partys during the holiday in N/A there called ''narathons'' it is a great place to go and meet other clean people we have all kinds of fun dancing good food and speaker meeting threw out the holiday.....if your serious about your recovery this is a great place to start I wish every body a Happy new year and remember where all members of the '''we dont pick up no mater what club''
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Gnarly<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<