when did you decide to stop?

[pinksapphire]

when was it that you decided it just wasn't worth it anymore?  i have to be honest...i quit when i have to.  when i am forced to by my supplier.  he is having trouble getting them as often as he used to and i have to go through w/d about twice a month now.  it's so stupid.  i can feel great half the time but like **** the rest?  i know it's stupid.  but i swear i can't believe i'm saying this but it is worth it to me!!!  i freaking love my oxy.  i hate writing this but it's true.  if my supplier calls i will pick up..."stinkin thinkin"...ugh i hate that phrase but it sums it up i guess.  i hate to admit all this.  i am a wreck...

anyway, back to my original question...when did you really make the committment to stop?  i guess i'm talking to people that have...what?.....10 days or more?  i don't know that doesn't seem fair.  just anyone that really resloved to stop and is doing it now.

[89alumni]

I just read your story that you wrote back in April of this year.  First and foremost, I hope that you are okay right now.  I was strung out on herion for 5 years.  I went into rehab 3 times, but everytime I came out, I would see the same people and start using again.  It was like a dog chasing its tail.  Like you, about twice a month, my dealer would run out, or someone would get busted and he couldn't get any, I would go through withdrawls.  They were the worst.  I couldn't sleep because my legs kept twitching.  I was so short tempered and would yell at everyone.  Finally, I got so sick and tired of being sick and tired, I packed up my things and moved 80 miles north of Vegas.  I didn't sleep for 3 weeks, but I knew that I couldn't get anything there because I didn't know anybody.  I got a job and with each passing day, it got better and better.  When I would go visit my family, who lived in the same neighborhood where I would get my dope, I would get sick to my stomach when I would approach the exit on the freeway.  But that too got better as time went on.  I've been clean now for 16 years, and I am not ashamed to talk about what I've have been through.  I am proud of where I am today, because not too many people can stop doing herion.  I was one of the lucky ones.  If I didn't stop, I would either be in jail or dead now.  I love myself too much for that.  I hope you give it a try and remember "one day at a time".

[Kathy1010]

I was taking norco.I had already taken a couple of them one night.I had a horrible headache that wouldn't go away.The only thing that helps me with headaches is excedrin so I took a couple.I became so wired and could not sleep.I'm not sure why,but I actually thought I was going to die.My son was asleep and I remember telling him and my dog how much I loved them.I was horrified that my son would find me dead in the morning.It was awful.I prayed to God that if I got through the night I would get off the pills.The next day I realized what a negative affect it had on me and also that I wanted to be around for my son.I started weaning that day.

[crazy2106]

i myself was forced to quit cause my supply ran out i have only been detoxing for 3 days now and i myself feel so much better than i did on day 1 it's not much but it is something. i myself did not wanna stop but i finally realized how much my addiction was hurting and scaring the ones i live with it is still so hard and just yesterday i was so frustrated that when i went on a ride with my husband to be i wanted to jump out the car and just find someone to hurt plz plz plz don't be like me you may not realize it but the people who are the closest to you KNOW that you are an addict and you may be scaing them as i am with the people who are closest to me

[josh231]

so weird you aid that bubba i was thinkin bout that early today about how it like held me back as if i wanted to go on a tirp but didnt have enough to make it

it just really sucks knowin theres somthing you can control that is holding you back  with getin a different job goin outa state or country having to remember to have enough where ever you go the struggle of getin them when your getin low not bein able to get up early

[bubbaganoosh]

when i looked in a mirror or when i have to keep going to a dentist, or when i sweat profusely and when i want to go on a trip i cant longer than 14days.

[kim715]

I think that I knew it was time to quit when I couldn't lie to myself anymore.I abused vicodin then made the mistake of doing the methodone.Today I am 20 days clean.Eight months ago my husband and I had to take over raising his daughters two little girls they're 2 and 4.They're mother who has done some type of drug since I met her 11 years ago,had started smoking crack and shooting heroin and to support her habit she had started prostituting.She got pulled over one night with the kids in the car,she had just made a run for crack.The police called us ,THANK GOD, to come get the girls,and their mother went to jail.We haven't heard from her since.We see her ads on craigs list in the erotic section.We also have copies of her police records she continues to spiral downward.She looks so bad that when the 4 year old seen her picture on craigs list [it was just a face shot,nothing sleazy] she didn't know who she was.The 2 year old calls me mom,shes just to little to explain anything to yet.four months after we got them they were visiting their father on a Thursday,at about 6p.m. the phone rang it was the police.They had a search warrant for his house and he and his girlfriend were under arrest .  The police were looking for coke and weed,the 4 year old told them where to find it.The police knew it was there because for the two days prior,the girls had been with him since Monday,they had sold large amounts of both to undercover officers.My husband and I knew nothing about this prior to letting the girls go with him or we would have never let them go.So now their mother is MIA and their father is most likely going to prison for a while,and these two little girls have seen way to much and they need to be raised in a safe healthy enviroment.I had been regretting deciding to do the methodone for a while.I felt I was going to be going to that clinic for the rest of my life,like I was never going to be able to live a "normal" life without planning it around trips to the methodone clinic.Once we got the girls full time I had to quit my job to stay home,and we were struggling to pay that weekly fee.I couldn't lie to myself anymore about the methodone.The fact that I got sick if I lowered my dose and the fact that I was scared to stop said it all to me.I had switched my addictions.I was still counting on a drug to get me through the day.I was fortunate enough to not fall as flat on my face as their mother,and fortunate enough never to have been caught doing some of the illegal things I did when I was taking the pills but whos to say if I didn't stop now with all the drugs,that in the future I wouldn't get caught or get so out of control I'de loose everything,family,friends,finances.My motivating factor is those two little girls.They were the straw that broke the camels back for me.They deserved better then what they had been dealt and just like their mom and dad wether it was crack or heroin or weed or methodone I was still an addict.I got clean for me because I couldn't stand myself ,and I couldn't lie to myself anymore but God sending those kids into my life was my final motivation.You will do it when you are ready.I hope that will be soon but until you see that light I will keep you in my prayers.Peace.

[pinksapphire]

i really appreciate you answering me.  i just took a shower and i brought my cell phone and the home phone in the bathroom in case my dealer called.  i am ashamed :-(

[road2recovery]

I feel pretty much like everyone else...I think an addicts story is like reading our own journals...Let's see for me it was like gizzy, i almost died, and thought wth am i doing...I thought i was a pretty strong person, but had no idea how strong these damn pills were...When i came on here and started reading, i could not stop...I just didn't think there were any that would understand how a stupid pill can control my WHOLE life...I was tired of the chase...Tired of not going to family gathering because i had none, or vacations....my kids ball games, etc....I just said this is enough , i want my life back...
I can remember taking out photo albums of my 4 kids and i looked so happy, and i was...That was the day i said i want to look like that again, i want to feel like that again...And also i want to be healty and see my grandkids....
Also, 15 a day was not even doing what one a day was doing 3 yrs prior, so what was the use????  
now i am 7 months clean...And loving life..it is worth it..also i never want to feel those w/d's ever again....
you can do this...
this forum saved my life!!
r2r

[Sarah231]

LOL, I guess you really got a sign that it was time to quit!



(I'm not laughing at the tragedy, btw, just the strength of the sign!)

[gizzy32]

i decided to stop the night i overdosed, went into convulsions, was bleeding internally, popped 2 ribs and was on the floor for 5 hours till i could get to the phone for an ambulance. being close to death and in that much pain put an end to my coke use very quick, i had no choice at that point and it did make it easier.

[Penelope14]

I finally hit a point in my addciton where enough was enough! I was so addicted to oxicotin that it almost ruined my life, I was self destucting by the day, the withdrawals were brutal but facing life drug free was something I just wasnt ready to do, thats when I entered a methadone clinic, while it did give me the chance to get back into the world & start rebuilding the damage & destruction I did, it also put me in denial, I thought my addiction was over, yeah right! I was now addicted to a new opiate, & the worst to detox from, so it hit me about a year ago, its time to clean up & start living, & not hiding behind a controling drug, Im now in the begining stage of recovery & I have a long way to go, but Im happy & proud of my accompishments & my only regret is having to take methadone to do it, but theirs no more looking back, its all about moving forward & I do hope one day you find your way, & I know you will, your time will come. Penelope

[flmagi]

It seems most people go thru a progression of stages til they get to the point of trying to get off the stuff. And even then there may be relapses. Its all a learning experiance. I remember being at the stage your at now.  Having to wait for supplier, feeling like Cra!*, calling around, driving around......Oh, but it was all well worth the effort. But  you'll get real tired of that eventually...Hopefully you won't die before then.  Sounds like you're getting closer to the realization.  I hope so.

[poetrygirl1960]

I got sick of it many times, but not sick enough until now.  I got to the point that worrying all the time how many are left, how long will the last, when is my next script actually due and how many days early will they let me have it.  Wow, wears me out just writing it!!  I think just knowing I couldn't function day to day and getting tired of constantly plotting in getting them.  I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.  I got to the point that I didn't just want them I HAD to take them.  

[cathy5841]

i decided to quit the day i realized oxycontin controlled me.  my every thought, everything i did.  i planned my life arounf snorting a pill.  a teeny tiny pill.  never thought about quittin before.  i had pills, got up that morning and realized that the 1st thought to enter my mind was my fix.  nope not me.  i quit.  had no idea there were w/ds to associate with it.  but the next day i was in hell....actually the next seven days.  but, now i have 4 months clean and i could not be happier.  one of the best decisions i have ever made.   the other was quitting coke years ago. lol
good luck to you
cathy

[Sarah231]

Took me over 10 years of vicodin before I got sick of everything:

The stress of wondering if my supply would run out.
The stress of wondering when the refill request would be denied.
The stress of knowing I had to take a pill before I did anything. Even a trip to the grocery store.
Waking up early because withdrawals had started.
Never feeling like going out or doing anything.
Making sure there were enough pills in my purse to get me thru the day.

I'm on day 9 and I feel like ****.
Haven't slept yet. Jittery with the aliens running under my skin all night.
They tell me here that this will end eventually....

I'm counting on that, guys!
Cause I'm getting real tired of hurting.

[worried878]

I am thinking back...for the longest time it did not bother me...then it would a bit and I would quickly dismiss it....then i started sayin that i need to quit but later...then it really started bugging me...this all took like 3 years...I think it was the money, the feeling bad about the control they had over me, and the hassle....also they not longer gave me the feeling I craved anymore not were they much for pain either...they made me feel bad...I began doubting myself and isolating...i liked them as they me so "vivacious" when socializing...so much fun...no longer was like that....my supplier would run out as well so i then had 2 plus my doctors...one of them/the suppliers/had a certain amount of control over me as well and I did not like it/did not go there but did not like the feelings i got.....I woke up one day and asked myself "What in the he!! are you doing?...taking money out of my IRA, associating with grubby people, losing myself...and I dont even feel good anymore when I take them...then I found the forum....then I quit..it is an ongoing process......long but you asked!

[josh231]

every since i realized i was hooked i wanted to stop i tried quitin a few times and i got laid off in january so i was like im gona do it now but i didnt i ended up waitin till last month and finaly did it and am doin great

tords the end i got really sick of like coming down like i was constantlyy lookin for a high like when i got home from work i started feelin ancy so id take more and i could just feel myself falling deeper and deeper