DAY 12 AND I RELAPSED LAST NIGHT

[IndianaDone]

Please don't beat me up -- give me some advice on how to rebound. I was feeling so good going on day 12 but a super stressful situation came up that I could not avoid and I took the easy path. I'm so sick and mad at myself. So sick. I know NA is the answer, but the question is --do I start back at day one or continue as its day 13? I feel strong and know I won't (yeah right) do it again. Please give opinions. THANKS GUYS.

[IndianaDone]

Are you serious? More info please . . .

[IndianaDone]

Thanks  --I needed that. (your comment).

[SunnysideUP27]

Relapse is part of the game. I did it many many times on my way to recovery now I am 11 short days away from my one year clean mark... Those feelings and depression, anxiety are the worst... But with time and hard work they go away I swear to you.... Maybe not in a week or month or 2 but with serious clean time and real hard work, I can telll you things get better much better. I am happier than before I started drugs.... Just hang tight, start again. I will pray for you.... God Bless SUnny :)

[IndianaDone]

I have been thinking back on what triggered me and it was basically a stressful situation I couldn't avoid.

But also during my twelve days clean I was reminded of the feelings I had while using when I did things high so many times before. I started calling it the opiate highway. The paths and trails I had went down many years high, and now (during the 12 days clean) going down the same paths and trails clean. Just constant reminders and being cognizant that now there is NO CRUTCH to lean on.

I know what you guys are saying --you're saying eliminate those opiate highway trails --take a different trail.

But those trails on the opiate highway are a major part of my life and impossible to avoid.

I guess I'm realizing that I really am an addict --not just the word "addict" --but the actuality of it all. Hard to sink in.

[august1965]

My doctor put me on a vitamin regime complete with vitamin C every hour and the withdrawals were gone.  Be generous with the "C".  30 grams a day is fine (you will get diarea).

[FourJays]

Don't beat yourself up - a relapse or slip is part of the process for many people - it was for me (a few times).  Try to think about the positives here; like the fact that you DID make 12 days.  Now you KNOW it can be done.  Think about what the causes are and what you need to do to avoid this happening again.  Consider it a learning experience and move on.  Get into some kind of aftercare support; meetings, therapy and even this site.  Whatever you do, don't give up....you are worth it and you CAN do this.  Hang in there - we are here for you :))

[ricart70]

Hey just get back on track and don't take any more and you will be fine.If you start feeling guilty and over thinking it your going to just want to keep on going.
Just remember we have all done it and it's not a big thing as long as we learn from it.Stay away from triggers or friends or friends that are triggers.  
Let us know how you are doing buddy.  I know this crap is everywhere but you can avoid it until your feeling strong enough.  Hang in there

[gnarly_1]

HI  unforchanatly your back to day 1   going to N/A will be a big help doing this  nothing like one on one with another addict the meetings are only 1 hr and you dont have to speek unless you want to there really low key and a great start  remember you dont ever have to pick up again its up to you
good luck and God bless.......Gnarly............

[OpenMind24hours]

Nobody beats us up better than we beat ourselves up. Yesterday is history and tomorrow's a mystery. But we do have today. We don't use just for today.

If your question was an NA question, yes, get another surrender chip. It helps you to maintain your accountability and always helps us NA members to see that our addiction still awaits. It's out in the parking lots of our meetings doing push-ups.

I had a 2-year using disaster after many years of being clean that I'm just now recovering from. Got clean 7 months ago. I had a problem and I eventually used. Then I had two problems. The using didn't solve the first problem. It was still there when I came back down. Talk about beating myself up! You're doing better than I did. You immediately posted. I immediately stayed out for two years.

TiredinTempe has a good point when he says cut your sources. You got to make that commitment. You got to make yourself "fresh out of stash". Completely unavailable. Nobody on your phone to call, dealer can't call you. Then you'll be able to concentrate on your recovery.

It's the mental thing now. Accepting life on life's terms is what we learn to do in NA. We start by learning to accept ourselves. Everything else follows much easier then. Remember that our program of recovery is the perfect program for imperfect people.

You're going to be okay!

[SmilingBright]

Lol. Sorry for all the typos.  I have two small kiddos and very fast fingers.  Lol.

Yes let's all keep on trucking!!!!  Ha

[ariley13]

I love the 'keep on trucking' comment! Made me giggle!

[SmilingBright]

Please don't beat Yourself up !!!!  I've slipped up a few times in the lat few months.  You can't dwell on it and bet yourself down!!!  
Pick yourself up and keep your eye on the prize.  Our freedom!!!!!  You can do this!!  I love what evolver and the others said!!  
Keep on trucking.  Dust yourself off!!!!  

[ariley13]

Don't beat yourself up. Just pick yourself up, learn from this mistake and keep moving. Mistakes are only mistakes if we don't learn anything from them. Like TiredinTempe said... make this a positive experience. Figure out what caused this slip and what you will do differently next time. You can do this!! We are all here to support you! :)

[EvolverU]

Hi! Let's make this a 'slip' and not a relapse. You're back on the right track.  Congratulations on posting. Way to stay 'witnessed'!

I can't stress how important it is to not beat yourself up. Shame/guilt aren't helpful but lead us backwards to the self-reinforcing, cycle of our habits. Heartfelt regret & deep soul searching/self-analysis, on the other hand are definitely called for.

It's so important for us to build a 'framework' to support us as very, very few of us can just 'do this'. (If we could we wouldn't keep relapsing, eh?)
So, is there a possibility of you going to a meeting to get some local support?

This would be a start on the aforementioned 'framework'. Other possibilities include: System of Spiritual Belief, Sober friends/family - (hanging with them and opening up to them), positive hobbies & passions, reaching out and staying 'witnessed' when you're overwhelmed or bored (before you slip!) and, finally, giving back via MH or otherwise.

Hang in there, my friend. Just dust yourself and keep heading in the right direction. Let's make this time stick, eh? We're here.

[TiredinTempe]

It is just a number....1,50,500...the important thing is what can do next time to avoid this? Aftercare, cut off sources. Picking up the phone before picking up. I also relapsed last time on 12 days because I did not cut off my sources. I won't make that mistake again. Sometimes we sabotage our recovery as we think that we're not really worth it. So so not true. We are all worth it. Stop now, readjust your day and get going. Make this a positive not a negative.