Hi Everyone...... Sorry I have been MIA.... Thankfully not because I slipped back into using Vicodin.... !!!! I am on Day 7 of my withdrawl and haven't had any opiates in my system since Wednesday, so technically I am on Day 5, does that make sense? Oh, really what difference does it make in the long run, I am off the Hydrocodone and that is what matters!!!
I must say that for all my fear of withdrawl it wasn't nearly as bad as I expected.... Yes my stomach is a mess but, a little immodium and I can deal with that... Sleep is OK, but, I am taking .25 mg xanax at night to sleep and I think that little bit in my system is helping with the anxiety.... My head is foggy and I am a tiny bit clammy in the hands and feet and my lower legs are sore but, I have been walking at the park daily so that could be from that also...
I have been taking Motrin daily, it helps a lot... I take my vitamins and that is that.... I have been listening to TREMENDOUS amounts of music and everything is inspiring...... I definately don't feel like me and my nerves are up and down but, I really think I will be OK...
Cravings--- Yes they suck and esp. today for some reason.. Maybe because it is a weekend and I am not all that busy. It is the little things that I used to take Vicodin to do that I miss and want it for.... Stupid things that no one should need a pill for.....making the bed, shaving my legs (sorry boys ..lol) painting my nails.... and cleaing the house....... But, I make myself do it all because well who wants to be smelly with hairy legs in a messy house with chipped nail polish??????? Also, my sense of humor has returned......
All in all, I am OK, mentally I crave but, I deal, I feel happy, even with my stress level, I feel happy and proud and the withdrawl, other then the stomach problem, it really is OK and if I can do this ANYONE CAN!!!!!!
My biggest hurdle today, and where I need my great friends here is that tonight I am going to my moms for my neices birthday..... My dad has cancer and a virtual pharmacy in the house including Oxycontin (not my DOC) and Percocet.... I could easily sneak upstairs and take a few, but, who other then an addict like me would steal painkillers from their father who is dying of cancer?? I have talked myself in and out of this ALL day and in the end I do not think I will but, I know that will be HARD!!! My family does not know of my addiction... It is not that I cannot talk to them but, because my father is so sick I can't put anything more on them, my dad needs my mom and my mom would worry way too much about me even though I am 32 I am still her baby..............
So Please pray for me to be WISE and STRONG and RESPECTFUL and to keep my hands to myself and to go there and get my ars out of there with empty pockets!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I promise to do my best and I am sure I will!!!!!!!!!!!!
I will update you all..............
With much love and gratitute!!!!!
Tracy