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Day 10 since finishing my Suboxone taper
Today makes the 10th day since I last took any Suboxone and I continue to feel normal with no withdrawal symptoms or PAWS. I slept about 6-7 hours and woke up 10 minutes before I had set the alarm to go off, had my morning pot of coffee and I'm good for the day.
Today is my birthday too, so I'm going to order a pizza, play video games all day, and relax. I'll still be home alone, the phone won't ring and nobody will stop by to see me, but that's an everyday thing and fine with me.
Today is my birthday too, so I'm going to order a pizza, play video games all day, and relax. I'll still be home alone, the phone won't ring and nobody will stop by to see me, but that's an everyday thing and fine with me.
"Ever thought of moving?"
I've lived other places, but have lived here most of my life and don't think I should have to move. I'm on a fixed income and have an apartment that I like and can afford, isn't a dump, and at one point thought I would like to live here the rest of my life.
It's within walking distance to the grocery store, has electronic keyless entry, is monitored 24/7 by security cameras inside and out, and the building is contracted with a local exterminator that treats every apartment on a monthly basis to keep out bugs.
Not that it doesn't have its bad points as well. The person who lives right across the hall from me is someone who I used to buy weed from for 25 years, but we do not get along at all now, to put it very mildly, and haven't for years.
I'm at odds with management for having the kohonies to stand up to them and call them on their BS, and recently threatened to file a lawsuit against them. I half expected to be evicted for getting in their face the way I did.
So it can be tedious at times, but I couldn't move somewhere else and have it as good as I do here, so I have to take the good with the bad and make the most of it.
I've lived other places, but have lived here most of my life and don't think I should have to move. I'm on a fixed income and have an apartment that I like and can afford, isn't a dump, and at one point thought I would like to live here the rest of my life.
It's within walking distance to the grocery store, has electronic keyless entry, is monitored 24/7 by security cameras inside and out, and the building is contracted with a local exterminator that treats every apartment on a monthly basis to keep out bugs.
Not that it doesn't have its bad points as well. The person who lives right across the hall from me is someone who I used to buy weed from for 25 years, but we do not get along at all now, to put it very mildly, and haven't for years.
I'm at odds with management for having the kohonies to stand up to them and call them on their BS, and recently threatened to file a lawsuit against them. I half expected to be evicted for getting in their face the way I did.
So it can be tedious at times, but I couldn't move somewhere else and have it as good as I do here, so I have to take the good with the bad and make the most of it.
Your story is indeed inspirational, as are most on this forum. It always amazes me how people go through so much in their life, and yet still come out fighting. That's awesome!
congrats on 11 days now woo hooo and happy belated birthday hope the pizza and vid games were FUN :)
Way to go. Everything you say is so familiar. I too don't have many friends. The ones I have are the only ones I can trust and that isn't many. Ever thought of moving? Where you don't have a reputation? Doesn't have to be far. Just new scenery and more things to do. I am in the Chicago suburbs so I can get as lost or involved as I want. But work and my kids keep me busy.
I'm done with marriage too. First was an alcoholic. Second lied about his use and sobriety and started using drugs again pulling me in too. Really sad and stupid on my part.
So I am separated. Giving him a chance to straighten out but knowing it most likely won't happen. He went to rehab already and then started again blaming it on me. See I wouldn't let him move in with me immediately and needed to see he would stay clean and involved with counseling and AA etc. guess my not backing down to his incessant demands to stay over or move in drove him to start within a week. I was just so horrible to him.
We'll see what the future holds but I would rather be alone and safe and setting a good example for my kids than be with someone I can't trust just to be with someone. I hope the very best for you. And great job on 11 days now.
I'm done with marriage too. First was an alcoholic. Second lied about his use and sobriety and started using drugs again pulling me in too. Really sad and stupid on my part.
So I am separated. Giving him a chance to straighten out but knowing it most likely won't happen. He went to rehab already and then started again blaming it on me. See I wouldn't let him move in with me immediately and needed to see he would stay clean and involved with counseling and AA etc. guess my not backing down to his incessant demands to stay over or move in drove him to start within a week. I was just so horrible to him.
We'll see what the future holds but I would rather be alone and safe and setting a good example for my kids than be with someone I can't trust just to be with someone. I hope the very best for you. And great job on 11 days now.
In the circles I ran for the past >30 years, you can't trust anyone and some genuinely do have bad intentions toward you.
One of my "best friends" is a gun nut who once told me if he pulled a knife on me, and I told him I was going to take it away from him and stick it where the Sun don't shine, he would be justified in pulling his pistol and shooting me because he would be in fear for his life.
Still another of my "best friends" was a pathological liar, and you couldn't believe a word he said. When you have to weigh everything a person says to judge if they're telling you the truth, how can you trust them at all?
Another, who I had known since grade school, was a documented snitch who was trying to set me up to get his GF out of jail. After calling me 10 times in one day, I asked him what he wanted he couldn't have said the first 9 times he called that day, and had my number changed. His GF went to prison and I didn't.
It gets worse than that, but you get the general idea. It gives real meaning to "With friends like that, who needs enemies?"
I'm not saying that everybody is bad, but I only know bad people, and am better off alone. I don't make friends easily, and in the relatively small burg I live in my reputation proceeds me, and even if I have changed to some degree, people still see the same spots on the leopard.
I haven't drank for almost 18 years, and the only thing to do on a social basis where I live is go to the bars or church. I've had enough of the bars, but I have gone to church a few times.
I've been married multiple times, and anybody can make a mistake once, but when you keep making the same mistake over and over, at some point you have to learn from your mistakes and give it a rest.
As far as counseling, my Sub doctor was a psychiatrist, and a good one who sized me up to a T the first time he saw me. He didn't think it was healthy for me to be spending so much time alone, and wrote me a script that said "Go to church." And after seeing me those 4 years, even he admitted I might be right in my reasoning.
One of my "best friends" is a gun nut who once told me if he pulled a knife on me, and I told him I was going to take it away from him and stick it where the Sun don't shine, he would be justified in pulling his pistol and shooting me because he would be in fear for his life.
Still another of my "best friends" was a pathological liar, and you couldn't believe a word he said. When you have to weigh everything a person says to judge if they're telling you the truth, how can you trust them at all?
Another, who I had known since grade school, was a documented snitch who was trying to set me up to get his GF out of jail. After calling me 10 times in one day, I asked him what he wanted he couldn't have said the first 9 times he called that day, and had my number changed. His GF went to prison and I didn't.
It gets worse than that, but you get the general idea. It gives real meaning to "With friends like that, who needs enemies?"
I'm not saying that everybody is bad, but I only know bad people, and am better off alone. I don't make friends easily, and in the relatively small burg I live in my reputation proceeds me, and even if I have changed to some degree, people still see the same spots on the leopard.
I haven't drank for almost 18 years, and the only thing to do on a social basis where I live is go to the bars or church. I've had enough of the bars, but I have gone to church a few times.
I've been married multiple times, and anybody can make a mistake once, but when you keep making the same mistake over and over, at some point you have to learn from your mistakes and give it a rest.
As far as counseling, my Sub doctor was a psychiatrist, and a good one who sized me up to a T the first time he saw me. He didn't think it was healthy for me to be spending so much time alone, and wrote me a script that said "Go to church." And after seeing me those 4 years, even he admitted I might be right in my reasoning.
Well done getting off if the Subs, I know the feeling, I was on them for 18 months and it felt great when I finally took what I knew would be my last dose so I know how great you must be feeling. You gave yourself the best birthday present you could have wished for. Congratulations and probably belated happy birthday wishes when you read this as I am in different time zone. About the being alone part, it's how you have chosen to deal with the upset others have caused you so kind of like a coping mechanism, if I have understood what you have said correctly. It's a big old world out there and it is full with genuinely caring decent people. If you think all people are bad and out to hurt you then chances are you will attract such people into your life. Changing your views and realising that there are good folk out there will start a process which will enable you to connect with such people. Going it alone is usually down to some deep routed fear so it maybe that some counselling is necessary. That's of course only if you want a life with good people in it and would prefer not to go through life alone. Take care x
good job on the double digit sober days and Happy bday as well cant go wrong with da pizza pie!!!
I bought my Methadone off the street and maintaining a habit like that over a period of years isn't always possible.
I've tapered myself down off Methadone so many times I had a calendar with different taper schedules worked out according to how many 10mg Methadone tabs I had to work with, and tapered myself off successfully more times than I care to remember, only to start back up once my supply picked up again. Sometime a matter of a few days.
I went on Suboxone in 2009 to give myself a chance to get used to living a life other than the one I had been living for over 30 years. It gave me a chance to break old ties, cut contacts, and get used to living a life that didn't involve illicit narcotics, but I didn't take advantage of it.
I just coasted, hung out with the same people at the same places, talking about how long it had been since I had been off Methadone, and smoked dope the whole time I was on it. I thought getting off opiates was a major step for me and smoking weed wouldn't hurt things.
After 2 years I tapered myself off Sub successfully, but in no time at all thoughts of going back to using started coming back to me, and I was fixated on getting high again.
Rather than go back to that lifestyle, I went back on Sub for another 2 years and did the work I didn't do the first time around to get my mind right. I have an unlisted phone number that nobody knows, have cut all ties with the people I hung out with, and made it clear they are not welcome in my home.
That's why I knew the phone wouldn't ring today and nobody would stop by and see me. ;P
I had an easier time tapering myself off this time than the last, am feeling a lot better about the life I have now, and have not had thoughts about going back to street drugs.
The trick for me will be not to go back on Suboxone, but it was causing me to retain fluids and I felt like I was a candidate for congestive heart failure if I stayed on it, so I have an added incentive to stay off it. But if it came down to it, I would rather go back to a very low dose of Suboxone, less than 1mg a day, than back to the life I used to live, but I don't see that as becoming a problem right now.
It's not a magic pill, and it's not a matter of if Suboxone works "for" you, you're the one who had to do the work to change. It just gives you the chance to do it.
I've tapered myself down off Methadone so many times I had a calendar with different taper schedules worked out according to how many 10mg Methadone tabs I had to work with, and tapered myself off successfully more times than I care to remember, only to start back up once my supply picked up again. Sometime a matter of a few days.
I went on Suboxone in 2009 to give myself a chance to get used to living a life other than the one I had been living for over 30 years. It gave me a chance to break old ties, cut contacts, and get used to living a life that didn't involve illicit narcotics, but I didn't take advantage of it.
I just coasted, hung out with the same people at the same places, talking about how long it had been since I had been off Methadone, and smoked dope the whole time I was on it. I thought getting off opiates was a major step for me and smoking weed wouldn't hurt things.
After 2 years I tapered myself off Sub successfully, but in no time at all thoughts of going back to using started coming back to me, and I was fixated on getting high again.
Rather than go back to that lifestyle, I went back on Sub for another 2 years and did the work I didn't do the first time around to get my mind right. I have an unlisted phone number that nobody knows, have cut all ties with the people I hung out with, and made it clear they are not welcome in my home.
That's why I knew the phone wouldn't ring today and nobody would stop by and see me. ;P
I had an easier time tapering myself off this time than the last, am feeling a lot better about the life I have now, and have not had thoughts about going back to street drugs.
The trick for me will be not to go back on Suboxone, but it was causing me to retain fluids and I felt like I was a candidate for congestive heart failure if I stayed on it, so I have an added incentive to stay off it. But if it came down to it, I would rather go back to a very low dose of Suboxone, less than 1mg a day, than back to the life I used to live, but I don't see that as becoming a problem right now.
It's not a magic pill, and it's not a matter of if Suboxone works "for" you, you're the one who had to do the work to change. It just gives you the chance to do it.
Hi- was wondering if you could give me some info on how you got off of methadone? Did you do a taper and switch over to subs at some point?
Thanks... Much appreciated :)))
Thanks... Much appreciated :)))
Congratulations on day 10 clean, and a big happy birthday to you today !!!
Glad your feeling good...
Glad your feeling good...
No offense taken. I don't need people around me to feel validated as a person and am comfortable in my own skin.
Trust is something I no longer have in abundance. I've learned not to take things at face value and to go with my gut feelings, that getting too friendly with people is usually a mistake, and I'm not a very outgoing person as a result.
Trust is something I no longer have in abundance. I've learned not to take things at face value and to go with my gut feelings, that getting too friendly with people is usually a mistake, and I'm not a very outgoing person as a result.
10 days AND your birthday??? Well, YAY you! Congrats on your clean time (and 18 years off alcohol to boot)!! And, a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you! There are moments that I wish I were alone, but they do not last long. I'm a people person, I love to hear their stories. I never did understand people who prefer to be alone - please know that is NOT a judgment, I just don't know how to be alone. Sometimes this has caused me to stay in or form unhealthy relationships but I have learned that people are who they are and there are some self-centered a$$holes out there but there are always those angels as well. I am blessed with many angels by my side and fortunate to eventually get rid of the others. You are doing great and I am glad you had a wonderful day! Now, I am thinking that pizza sounds good for dinner.:)
"Did you ever have a relationship with your son?"
Not since he was a baby. I divorced his mother due to her infidelity when he was only a baby and her new hubby wanted to adopt him right away. Me in their new life wouldn't have worked out, so I went along with it so he could have a father figure in his life.
The only time I've seen him in over 20 years was when my house sold and his mother developed an interest in reconnecting with me, thinking they might get in on the money. When that didn't happen, they stopped coming around.
Thanks to everybody for the Happy Birthdays, the pizza was good.
Dryan8313, I wrote about my history with Suboxone and tapering off it a couple days ago if you want to look back at my posts.
Not since he was a baby. I divorced his mother due to her infidelity when he was only a baby and her new hubby wanted to adopt him right away. Me in their new life wouldn't have worked out, so I went along with it so he could have a father figure in his life.
The only time I've seen him in over 20 years was when my house sold and his mother developed an interest in reconnecting with me, thinking they might get in on the money. When that didn't happen, they stopped coming around.
Thanks to everybody for the Happy Birthdays, the pizza was good.
Dryan8313, I wrote about my history with Suboxone and tapering off it a couple days ago if you want to look back at my posts.
Happy Birthday!!! And congrats on your 10 days! I hope you have a wonderful evening. Sounds like a winner with the pizza and video games. Enjoy! :)
COMMUNITY LEADER
I totally understand the drinking and drugging friends. That part was very painful for me as i considered them "close" friends. I was very mistaken. I am okay with that now. I dont have time for artificial people in my life. I also understand the multiple marriage thing. Been there done that, wont be repeating that either!
Did you ever have a relationship with your son? Thank you for explaining a bit more about yourself. I am really glad you found this forum. You really do have alot to offer.
Did you ever have a relationship with your son? Thank you for explaining a bit more about yourself. I am really glad you found this forum. You really do have alot to offer.
"Have you always been a loner or is this just a protective coating you wear?"
Friends used to be something that were very important to me. I depended on to be there for me and I was always there for them, have given them the shirt off my back (literally), and spent most of time hanging out with them drinking and getting high.
When I quit drinking 18 years ago next month I found out I didn't have the friends I thought I did, mainly drinking buddies and associates, and that most of them feared me, hated me, or both. The people who I thought were my real friends were just people I had let get close enough to me to stab me in the back, and when they did they twisted the knife.
That came as quite a shock, to be honest, and I made it a point to avoid everyone and basically isolated myself for the next 5 years.
I've since cut all contact with everyone I used to associate with and over the years have learned to be self-reliant and am fiercely independent. I've made it though more than a few real life and death situations on my own, where my life actually did hang in the balance, with no help from anyone, and came out the other side a much stronger person for it.
I've been married and divorced multiple times, and have a son somewhere in another state I haven't seen in years, but relationships don't seem to work for me and at this point in my life feel like I'm better off alone. I do what I want and don't have to answer to anyone, and have lived like this so long it's what I consider normal.
I have health problems I'm dealing with now, and when I die it will in all likelihood be alone, just like I've lived. It's not something I'm looking forward to, but it doesn't scare me either. Not much does, beside Methadone and benzo withdrawals, and those are not issues I have to deal with.
Friends used to be something that were very important to me. I depended on to be there for me and I was always there for them, have given them the shirt off my back (literally), and spent most of time hanging out with them drinking and getting high.
When I quit drinking 18 years ago next month I found out I didn't have the friends I thought I did, mainly drinking buddies and associates, and that most of them feared me, hated me, or both. The people who I thought were my real friends were just people I had let get close enough to me to stab me in the back, and when they did they twisted the knife.
That came as quite a shock, to be honest, and I made it a point to avoid everyone and basically isolated myself for the next 5 years.
I've since cut all contact with everyone I used to associate with and over the years have learned to be self-reliant and am fiercely independent. I've made it though more than a few real life and death situations on my own, where my life actually did hang in the balance, with no help from anyone, and came out the other side a much stronger person for it.
I've been married and divorced multiple times, and have a son somewhere in another state I haven't seen in years, but relationships don't seem to work for me and at this point in my life feel like I'm better off alone. I do what I want and don't have to answer to anyone, and have lived like this so long it's what I consider normal.
I have health problems I'm dealing with now, and when I die it will in all likelihood be alone, just like I've lived. It's not something I'm looking forward to, but it doesn't scare me either. Not much does, beside Methadone and benzo withdrawals, and those are not issues I have to deal with.
Happy Birthday!!! congrats on 10 days, sounds like you got a nice relaxing day planned!
Congrats! I wish I would've tapered! Lol I've been ct on 4mgs and I'm every other day still feeling it! 14 days for today! Had a panic attack first falling asleep and awoke not breathing! So ya wish I would've tapered! But I refuse to ever go back! Keep it up I'm right there with ya girl!
You have friends here !! Congrats to you. Soon your 10 days will be two weeks. Yay!
COMMUNITY LEADER
Happy 10 days and Birthday!!!!!
I know you say it is okay with you being a loner but it bothers me! It just seems like you have so much to offer. When you said the phone wont ring it just made me feel bad for you. Have you always been a loner or is this just a protective coating you wear?
I know you say it is okay with you being a loner but it bothers me! It just seems like you have so much to offer. When you said the phone wont ring it just made me feel bad for you. Have you always been a loner or is this just a protective coating you wear?
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