Day 20! No Xanax or hydros

[invisiblegirl]

I just thought I would post on here again, I've only posted a few times and after my last question got no replys I almost gave up BUT for the last week I have been reading posts not replying to them and I feel that reading everyone's story has really helped me! Also I was searching for the "how long will this last" and I never got a true answer so I thought I would just share how I'm doing even if I'm posting to myself, lol. Today makes day 20 off of Xanax, opiates, and somas. When I got home from detox I thought everything was going to be perfect and I would take the world over because I was clean WRONG! I mean i haven't been home that long but I do want to say tha yesterday was the first day I woke up feeling remotey normal. I didn't post because I was are the feeling would go away and the fog would come right back in my head. But it didn't. However this morning I woke up feeling ok (not psychotic) but not as good as yesterday, so I know I'm not better yet, plus it feels like my legs are dragging and with a ten ton weight on them. But I'm still doing OK which I think is really good, I'm actually getting ready to go get m hair done here in a few hours. I'm so proud of myself for fighting, it would have been easier to just go back to taking pills and still would BUT I know (because I'm actually thinking again) that although it would be easier for now it would be prolonging this even more and I've come to far to go back. I don't ever want to go back to where I was. Xanax made me feel alive, then when taken away I felt dead. Literally! I don't like it when someone tells me what to do, so why was I letting a pill control me? That answer is up in the air, but I know where I am now. I want to thank everyone on here, although I don't know anyone here, I have read stories over and over and feel like we are all connected. This forum makes us all stronger and I hope to be a strong voice for the newcomers on here just as I read words of advice from everyone that made me feel some sort of hope and kept me coming back everyday to see how you all were doing. Anyway, that's it.

[toothfairie]

i just saw your post and wanted to say congrats on 10 months!  and please don't ask your doctor for any pills!!  you have come SO far and fought hard i'm sure to stay clean this long!  I am at almost 4 months clean and I just hope and pray to get to where you are!  Maybe post a new thread to get more responses...me posting on this will bump it up but you might get more in a new post.  Again, congrats on 10 months!  Are you doing any sort of aftercare?  Like counseling or NA/AA meetings?  if not, that will help you to get focused on loving life again...I am having trouble with that as well...like looking forward to things etc...but still, life is so much better off pills!  

[invisiblegirl]

I'm just going to go ahead and reply to my own post. I don't want to toot my own horn but OMG, I can't believe I've come so far. I had (in my head at least) made May 26th my clean date.. Looking back I had almost forgotten I relapsed on Oct 6th.
  I actually came back to this site because for some odd reason I started feeling like I needed to go to a Dr. Get some meds to feel "normal" again. What the he'll am I thinking? Ive been clean from pain pills for 10 months!! ..and the benzos for only 5 months, still that is a MAJOR accomplishment, so why now do I feel the need to suddenly start taking pills again?
  I believe getting and staying clean was like a journey, and at this point I feel like I've mastarded it (knowing I haven't or I wouldn't be here). I was high on sobriety like I earlier quoted. Now, I'm feeling life's problems and boredom is one of them, I'm looking to how I can just feel good and relaxed laying in bed. Well, I just have to get over it. I'm actually saddened by the fact I'm thinking of taking anything. I'm still and addict and I will always be an addict. One pill and I'm right back t where this all started 8 years ago.
   I know this is long, but I'm more posting for myself to mark my journeys, fails, and accomplishments. I'm pissed I even took that Xanax on Oct. 6th, if I hadn't in 2 months, I would have been one year clean. What would I be giving up if I took anything now?
  I guess I just needed some reassurance that I could in fact do it. If anyone managed to read this insanely long post, thank yo :) I still love you guys!!

[overopiates]

Im sry u didnt get a response before but Im glad u came back.I came off all the same pills.They r rough but xanax for me was the longest and worst w/d because w/o them I had the worst most severe anxiety.it takes time.thats a crappy response i know but u r doing great.keep posting

[invisiblegirl]

Laura, I was in detox for 12 days and they detoxed me off of everything. They gave me valium the first 7 days, anti siezure medicine and blood presure medicine. I was really the first couple of days and the rest is a blur but I remember it being long and horrible, except the last two days when I wasn't in pain. They told me that dextoxing off of Xanax took longer and I would be in there for 16 days, however my blood presure was really low the entire time I was there so they let me go home, plus I thought I was ready.
  Everyday I've noticed that some of the w/d disappeared, the blurry vision was the first to go, thank goodness. The nights are still bad as I haven't taken any sleeping medicine because I'm scared to take any pills at all. I'm not working at all for the summer andi figure I don't really need much sleep right? I'm only getting maybe 4 hours of sleep and I'm not tired during the day, right now I'm so excited to be clean that I'm really trying the enjoy my summer and loving all the time I have to myself.

[NoMoreHydro]

I have found that the Amino Acid Protein Shakes each morning give me a "stable" energy level throughout the day, without the buzz of energy drinks, jitters etc.  That's just me, but they are good for you nonetheless.

[Ladyluck8]

HI,
I really love your post. I too am twenty days with out hydros and am tapering off the Xanax. I was afraid to comment on Xanax because the really scary side effects for the wd. In rehab did you get a rapid detox medicine off the Xanax? I am down to about 1 mg one in early evening and one in the middle of the night.
I so agree with you . If I had known how serious these little pills were I wouldn't have gone near them.
Thanks for sharing your experience.
Laura

[jlannspr]

You just sound happy! I've gotten B12 shots from the doctor, and it has seemed to help. 20 days is awesome especially fighting two totally different addictions. Reading how difficult others struggle is really makes me appreciate my struggle. Hang it there and keep your guard up. This addiction does silly things at unexpected times. Great Great Job.

[invisiblegirl]

Thank you guys! It's great to able to speak freely and maybe help someone else out. The mental part is by far the worst but it's slowly going away I actually have hope today!! I really am going to suggest to my detox faculty that they give out at least a leaflet on what to expect when you come home w/ding from Xanax so people know there are not really demons in their living room, there really aren't chucky sized children running around you in the bed, I've been in and out of more mental hospitals than I can count and guess what looking back? I wasn't in once before I started taking a benzodiazepine and once I was there and they gave me more I was fine, it's not a joke at all. I really did (as I'm sure many people do) that I was crazy, it all seems so real. I now blame all my problems on Xanax, and I know that seems crazy to most people but I am convinced that if more people knew what the symptoms were after they quit taking them were, they probably wouldn't start in the first place.
   I'm so happy that today is today and I'm here and CLEAN to enjoy it. I'm still struggling with the energy part, the only time I feel like I can move is when I force myself to go for a walk or something like that. Question, does anyone know of a NATURAL energy supplement (that is safe and non-habit forming) that you can take besides caffeine? Caffeine gives me the shakes and believe me I've had enough of that! I'm taking a multi vitamin already because I have low iron but what vitamin is supposed to help with lack of energy?
   And thank you again everyone for giving me strength! I'm going to be that shoulder to lean on whenever anyone needs anything.

[NoMoreHydro]

Great job on the 20 days!!!!    A big day in your new life and it's nice to see you are viewing life through "clear" eyes.  Great job and keep posting.

[selfinduced]

Hey invisible girl no more!  What a great accomplishment you have made. Hold each day clean precious now. The physical hump is over, just don't let the mental part slip thru the cracks. You have worked so hard and so, so very proud of you. xx

[akitagurl12]

THANK YOU for sharing your experience so far!  You are right about there not being a concrete anwser out there about how long xanax w/ds take.  I am glad you are sharing because I am sure there are lots of others out there who feel desperate.  I know I did.  Glad you are feeling better, and it will even get better as more time goes by.  Please keep us updated and share freely.  I am sorry your last post was missed:(