Day 3... Wanna die

[jibi07]

Day 3 detox almost 72 hrs since last perc when will the worse of this be over ... Feel like I wanna die today.... So easy to make it all go away! But I wont

[jibi07]

hi, i'm sorry to say i was on a bender, i'm back now , just wanna ball my eyes out.... i posted a new post.... very tearful today, i hate the person that i have become, i dont know her anymore................ was not even getting high anymore, was taking them for the energy i guess..... i don't know!

[ricart70]

Yeah jibi...where are you ?  let us know.....Or we will come looking for you-and we will find you

[Overwhelmed10]

Hope you are hanging in there Jibi...thinking of you .

[YesLife4Me]

That's GREAT news!  I'm glad you are still hanging in there with us.  Sounds to me like you have moved past the worst part and are on your way now.  I hear what you say about sitting at a desk all day.  I have to go for walks on my breaks.   I'm proud of you!!  

[ricart70]

glad you are hanging in there and sorry about the back pain.   Hope you feel better soon.You are doing good keep it up

[jibi07]

hi four, thanks me too, i have unbearable back pain, does not help i sit at a desk for 12 hours, but i just wanna move forward ..... i know it'll subside, and i'd rather have this aweful back pain than the initial " i wanna die WD" LOL, so it's all good!!

[FourJays]

A good day is a GREAT thing  . . hope it continues on.  Hang in there!

[jibi07]

hi vickie, well to be honest, i'm good today, hanging on. thanks so much.

[VICourageous]

How are you doing today??You got some good info..Just keep on truckin forward even if it is one min. at a time......The first Step is the one for the rest of our lives......
vickie

[jibi07]

thank you so very much!! :-)

[painbal]

You are worth fighting for. This is the time for you to stop the insanity of it all. Cause you are WORTH it! Take it hour by hour if you have to. I am proud of you for going for it.

[jibi07]

thank you, you dont sound like an aa slogan lol, but your right, and i have to push past the first few days , and i know i can!! :-)

[ricart70]

I don't want to sound like an aa slogan but yeslife is right This is how we ALL do this.ONE day at a time. After a while we can adjust our focus.Sometimes we have to return to just one day but it gets easier with time. we want you to succeed and we also know that you can do this.   fight! make it til bedtime.Make it past payday don't give in. You won't if you don't want to

[jibi07]

thats exactly what i'm doing.. i'm tired of being tired all the time, tired of looking for the next pill, tired of lying, tired of it all, iv'e had enough of the bs of this, i'm doing good convincing myself of this, and this is what i really want.

[YesLife4Me]

Good for You!!   Now stay resolute in your request for them not to give you any.  If you ask them even one time, they won't take you seriously.  I really do care and want you to be able to put this behind you sweetie.  I know the wd is very real and even when we try to put mind over matter, it's still there.  However playing the mind games with ourselves does make a difference in how well we get past it.  Reach down inside yourself and fight for this!!!   Make short term goals that lead to your long term goals.  That is how I had to do it.  Make small benchmarks to celebrate.  

[jibi07]

no today day 1... but i'm not feeling too bad, i was taking 40 325 mg day, yesterday i took a few, today i feel ok,i have told them i dont want them, but wil they listen, i dont know............ i' m hoping, i said if they care they would listen to me. i'm trying the placebo affect on myself, lol, i told myself yesterday that i was going to wake up feeling fine today, and everything would be good, i woke up, had a shower came to work and am not too bad, i keep telling myself WD does not really exist, it's all in my head............. anyway, we will see what tomorrow brings, and the next day.

Thanks for caring!

[YesLife4Me]

Are you on day 2 today?  Have you told your family you don't want them?   You've got to put up your own roadblocks.  If you don't tell them, then they become a safety net to fall back on when things get difficult.  

[jibi07]

i'm sorry, not meaning to avoid the access question.... sadly i know many people that have them, but i have been trying to avoid these people, and for the most part i can, it's hard when a majority of them are family, that makes it tough... but i really am trying!

[VICourageous]

I was too !!! You have to stay away from all "Triggers" that means any body who uses..It becomes a whole new life style change...Both mind, body & spirit...Do not beat your self up..Put those Sh**t Kicking Boots on and Goooo....We have to be TUFFER then ever before...
Hang tight...Meetings would be a good one...Support is the KEY...
vickie

[YesLife4Me]

I was wondering the same thing.  It's been brought up several times now and not addressed.   No access means no pills.  No pills means no going back, detox and recovery.  

[ricart70]

Why don't you say anything to us about the access you have to these pills??
I'm not trying to be mean at all but it seems like you are purposely avoiding mentioning anything about access and how to cut it off.  Talk to us about this Please. This is key .   I would still be using if I had not removed myself from the pill people.    

[YesLife4Me]

That crappy stage is temporary compared to the rest of your life.  You can give up a few days of feeling yucky for freedom can't you?   If this was easy, there would be no such thing as relapse.  You have to fight for it.  Dig down deep girl and find your motivation.  Write down all that these lil demons have cost you in terms of money, spiritual and physical.  Look at it everytime you want to cave.  

It seems like you are having a difficult time with the initial detox combined with easy access.  Set yourself a goal to not ask for any for a a few hours a day, then a day at a time.  And tell them not to give you any!!!   Even if you beg them!!!   Next thing you know a week has passed, then  30 days.  Once you get past that initial week, it gets better.   You've done this before, and you know that the more you do this, the harder it gets.  

[FourJays]

Don't ever give up . . . you do need to "grab the bull by the horns" and not let go.  The feeling crappy stage is temporary - just get through it - it will get better.  Hang in there . . . pulling for you :)

[jibi07]

i just dont want them, but then i start feeling crappy and cave... i'm my own worse enemy.... i want this so bad, i need it, but keep failing and falling down. i guess i just have to grab the bull by the horns as they say.......... we will see how it goes....

thanks guys!