I want to stop so bad can i do it alone?

[Kaltrogdor]

I have been taking loritabs on a daily bassis (5-10) for about 2 years now. my life ***** i can't keep a job, i feel like my wife hates me, and i feel like the biggest peice of **** in exsistance.i want to stop, i NEED to stop, but every time utter failure. I have a wife and 2 year-old twins, i am the man of the family (sorry ladies) and i should be reliable i should be my family, i should be a better person because they deserve it. But i can't, because i am useless and empty. i dont know what to do and i am so lost. i want to die, but i wont leave them. please, help.

[groundhog_day]

I really feel for you and particularly relate to how hopeless and worthless you feel, I'm in that same spot. Its like when I am doing the pills, it does not matter what else goes good in my life, or what blessings I have (good friends and family etc), I can't enjoy it or appreciate it because every day from first thing in the morning to last thing at night, the pills are on my mind - hours and hours of hating myself, planning to stop, failing to stop, calling myself names, worrying about the health risks etc etc. The pills are the center of my consciousness and existence, and the more I hate them and the more I want to stop, the tighter I seem to get wound up into them.

You know, for a fact, that you can make it through the worst of the withdrawals - 10 days is terrific!! As others have said, get the thomas recipe, get your wifes support, and get through the next ten days. But you MUST get aftercare. Normally when I post I talk very gently, make suggestions rather than saying a person must do anything - free will etc. But I am saying you MUST get aftercare, to learn how to deal with stress without plunging back into the abyss, how to deal with conflict, with feelings, with loneliness and fear, with day to day ordinary life, with happiness and excitement and with the gap that will be left behind once the pills are gone. I say "must" because I have gotten clean twice - first after ten years of heroin, with aftercare, where I stayed clean for 5 years. Second time more recent from codeiene, without aftercare, for 12 days.

Aftercare includes things like meetings of Narcotics or Alcoholics Anonymous, SMART recovery meetings, counsellor/psycholigist, drugs and alcohol group therapy, rehab if possilbe, self education about addiction and what to expect, and definitely this forum, passing on your strenght and hope to others.

sorry for long post, best of luck for day 1, I am with you in spirit :-)

groundhog

[jollyman069]

Man you can do this..you already know it's not easy but when things get really tough get a hug from your twins...post here as much as you can, we are here for whatever you need we will try to help,

[Kaltrogdor]

thanks man, i talked to her. it was tough and tearful, i haven't gotten her involved. she is 20 and we have a set of twins plus she has a very demanding job. i really don't want to put anymore weight on her. But, your right about the mind. its  like im fighting with an alternate personality and hes very persistant. thanks for belieing.

[Kaltrogdor]

yeah man, tomorrow is day one. you know, i never thought about that till now, the only time i did feel it was like ****. i guess those damn things stop more than just pain, they stop feelings and the digestive tract(lol). but i'm going cold turkey, that weening **** never works for me i just get down to the last little bit a day and i'm like well i gotta get some more just for the next few days, then i get there and its a different story. Thank you for the help.

[wbp2700]

Was in the same boat as you bro. Can't belive it but I'm actually starting to give my wife compliments and not argue as much. It had to have been the pills that I swore made me so happy. I'm on day 52 today. Feeling better than ever. Only reason I stopped is because I got sick of the running around and wasting money on pills. My wife never asked me once to stop even though she knew it was slowly killing me. Now she says if I ever go back it's curtains. Get her involved. Tell her you know you're acting like a piece of **** but you wanna change all that. Alot of it is mental too. Your mind will play the worst tricks on you. The other night my wife found 3 Norcos in her purse she hid from me. I asked her to let me see them then bumped her hand and made them all fly out the window on the freeway. Didn't even phase me, I actually enjoyed it. Things are really different sober but so much better. I know what to expect day by day where before I had to make sure I had my pills first and foremost. Give it another try. You're stronger than a ******* pill!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[gizzy32]

That is what us addicts do. When I was stressed or hurting, I dealt with it by doing so much drugs to the point of sickness so I did not have to feel, crazy huh! Learning to deal with life sober is what many of us needed to work on. Trust me man, many here can relate. W/d's are the easy part, staying clean is tough. I assume your going cold turkey? If so look in the top right under health pages and in there you will see the thomas recipe. If you can get the stuff for this, it can really help with w/d's. More will come along soon to offer advice. So is day one tomorrow:)

[Kaltrogdor]

yeah, actually i made it about 10 days 2 months ago. Then i got let go from my job and started fighting with my wife and just stressed out in general, you know? I ran to the only thing that offered me relief, that made me feel that even if things were bad it would be ok, and dove straight back into the abyss. I want it so bad, I want to feel like i'm not worthless, useless, or just empty. I know that if I can make it past this I can do that again.    

[gizzy32]

Why did you fail in the past? Were you able to make it through w/d's and then relapse? Many of us started to hate ourselves in active addiction, it seems hopeless and not being able to stop makes us feel weak. You need to get over the self hate and that will start by overcoming these evil pills. There is lots of support here so stick around, come up with a plan on how you want to do this. It's not easy at first, but you will feel like a new man and be able to fix this with a clear head. How bad do you want this? Good luck, we are here to give support.