Help

[MJV]

SO I haven't been on the forum for several months.  I decided that my medical problem (severe kidney stones) was an excuse for my vicodin use.  However, I am realizing that I have a problem.  I am day 2 clean from vicodin.  I am tired, achey, and have major diarrhea.  Is it ok to take immodium and ibubrofen to help, or should I be letting my body clease itself?  I just got a call from my doctor today and he said that I have 3 more kidney stones that I am going to pass.  The pain with these is unbearable, but I am afraid that I have already quit c/t and then go back once I have the pain again.  My other issue is that I don't really have the desire to get clean.  I love the vics.  I feel good when I am on them, but I know they are harmful to me.  Any advice?

[sadinmichigan]

I am very glad to hear your feeling better today. you will have good days and bad, but it will get better all the time..congratulations on 3 days..it seems that days 2-4 are bad but it starts to let up..keep up the good work and keep posting,especially when you are feeling bad ,craving or just need some support..take care..Lisa

[MJV]

I was up to 12 pills a day.  I am on day 3 of being clean, and I actually feel a lot better today.  I probably shouldn't have said I don't want to get clean, because deep down I do.  Why else would I be here?  It is difficult!  I just want to figure it all out and I go back and forth soooo much!  I was really sick yesterday when I posted, so I was not in the best frame of mind.  Definitely better today.  One day at a time right?

[liscamdave]

I remember you...welcome back...

Its really tough if you don't want to get clean. That is how I was for the longest time. I only wanted to get clean to lower my tolerance. So its kinda hard if the will power isn't there. How much are you taking?

[kim715]

Lisa is right about how one day you'll just be chasing that high that you will never get again because you're tolerance has increased so much,.When you're spending your whole day trying to get more and more.When your paycheck is gone before you get it.When you're associating yourself with people that ordinarily you wouldn't even think of speaking to and you really feel nothing but distain for them but you put yourself in that position because they can help you feed your habit.When you can't function or get out and live a "normal" day unless you have them.These are all reasons that can fuel your desire to get clean.It's not all about not liking the way the drug makes you feel anymore.Sometimes it's about not liking the person you have turned into or the lifestyle that your leading because of the drug......Peace...Kim

[sadinmichigan]

I am so sorry that you have to deal with those wretched kidney stones. I know how bad they hurt..Congrats on day 2..you will feel better in a few more days..I think it's ok to take immodium and motrin..especially if you have to leave the house..I would try though to take it only then, just my opinion..It's good to let your body rid itself of the toxins..As for you saying you don't have to desire to get clean..well, that is one thing you really need to have to stay clean..I don't know how long you have been taking vics but one day you will not get that high feeling anymore or your going to have to take more and more..one day you will no longer like them. it's inevitable..