END OF THE ROAD OF ADDICTION

[ladyboop]

I thought I would throw this out here, and see if it's just me, or part of the end of the road of the addiction. Has anyone eles found that at the end of your addiction You did not go anywhere. You where content to be locked up at home with your pills? No will to want to get out and do things? Just stay at home with your pills?
I am finding myself very depressed. I told myself it was the price of gas. But the more I think about it. I am not sure it is all the price of gas. I would love any input on this one. My kids are grown and gone, So it is just me and my dogs. I really think if I get a job and get out and do things I would feel better. But right now it is so hard to do...

            Thanks to everyone...

                  Lady

[ladyboop]

It is nice to know That I am not alone in this. i thought I might be sinking into a deep depression. I hope that the Dr can shead some light on this today. I have to start getting things done. I have gotton to the point that paying the bills is no easy thing! UGH!!!  I have to have a place to live.. Thank God for ACH..lol..lol..  

Thanks for letting me know, its all part of the addiction... Hoping to feel better soon..


                     Lady

[addictedme]

My own experiance was that when in active addiction my life was consumed by pills 24/7. Even when I was "getting things done" I was thinking about pills,,unless it was the 1st few days after getting my scrip,,those days were like xmas and I took pills like I"d always have a full bottle. Then it was counting,always counting even though I always knew how many I had,,then planning,,I"ll take this many for these days then I"ll taper ,,,hey then I"ll quit. Taper didnt work,,almost out of legit pills,,starting to panic,,getting a few more at street prices or an er,,,making it till the next scrip,,counting again only now days rather then pills,, get your scrip and its xmas again. WOW that was a long way to say that when you quit you have a void in your life just like when someone retires. You hafta fill that void with whatever makes you happy and at the same time dont fill it with another addiction like shopping,eating,whatever.I guess ya gotta fill the soul. Counsling,religion,support groups or just reading and meditating along with physical activities or hobbys.Thats my experiance anyway

[JDRMinSD]

I found that the pills isolated me from the things I used to want to do...like they slowly trapped me into thinking that all I needed was the pills to make me happy (anthrophomophizing anyone?).   I think all of us have gotten to the point where the pills mattered more than other things we loved or just more than they should have and that was (and/or should be) a big wake up call...a sign that we have/had lost control.

It's all part of it.

By the way, "aftercare" doesn't have to cost lots of money...how about just staying in touch with people here?  It's free, helpful, you help others and it works.  This place isn't just about one person, but about all of us together helping each other out with a common fight...and US winning.

Keep in touch here.

Good Luck.

[HYDROSUPERMOM]

I've quit and slipped a few times.  But when I'm high, I do what I have to, but my favorite part of the day is night when the family is asleep and I take ,my last pill for the day.  I zone on sitcoms and computer games.  There is only 1 person I like to speak to at night.  I was always a doer and a mover.  Loved to talk to and be around people.  I'd rather be clean.  I blew it a few times, but managed to get back on the horse before the whol;e physical addication takes control.  I'm on a slip now, with a plan to stop again in a couple of days.  As everyone here knows, you need to clear the calendar to go clean.  My kids are so busy with year winding down.

[worried878]

Good luck with ur appt tomorrow...maybe ur hair wont fall out and u will feel much better....NA meetings are free..they do pass around a basket for donations like for a buck or 2  thats it...and they are everywhere if u look on the website...the forum is good but meetings are good too..  it is hard to get out whe u feel depressed...i isolated at the end of my addiction and for the first month or so after i quit...i think it is normal...hang in there girl

[realms]

that has been ME for the past 3 years!!!! to a T........          hope you can find support!!!!!!! and soon.................everyone here is is only always a click away!  there are so many wonderful and supportive people on this site!!!!!!!!!!             Lisa

[iwant2Bfree]

wow, I'm not the only one...I have been locked up in my room seems like for the last two years after I get home from work.    Your not alone..Hope the doctor can help you out.  

[ladyboop]

I have an appointment with my Dr in the morning. To see about going on something. I have used Topamax in the past. It makes my hair fall out. That is why I stopped it. At this point I think I can handle losing a little hair to feel better. I lost my health ins when I got divorced. So No aftercare for me. Do not have the money for it right now. Not really making it as it is... Hoping to get it together soon. So I can start seeing someone.. There is not alot here where I live..
Thanks for all the input. I do not feel so alone now..lol.. Thought I might be losing my mind or something...

                  Lady

[malenurse57]

My wife volunteers @ a local nursing home doing nails and just talking to some of the residents and says she will not give that up.

[GoingToMakeIt]

Both at the end of addiction, and for several weeks after quitting. I had no desire to go out. didn't want to deal with people.

[addict3]

How much is gas?.....how much are your pills?.....Go take the dogs and or yourself for a ride, a short one if that is all you can tolerate. I am @ 30 days clean today, and it has been only the past few days That I have felt good.

I too only wanted to stay home, I would go to work and then go home soon afterward.
If I had stayed out, I really think I would have felt better sooner.

I hope this does not sound mean. it is not ment to.
Good Luck, and have a good day.

[joann1975]

I totally agree but I have just started realizing it these past few days. We actually got out and went to a bday party this past weekend ( i was sober ) and it was fun and we are doing more stuff this weekend! But yes...I kept myself cooped up in the house staring at the tv or in the floor half-a$$ playing with my son. I am glad I found this site and glad I have taken control of my life!

[mommy52713]

Yes, as my addiction grew all I wanted to do was lock myself inside and not have to deal with the world. I dont know if it all had to do with the pills for myself I think it was and is my depression for me they go hand in hand.

[meldawn143]

I know excactly what you mean. Ive been there many times. You will make any excuse but the truth is that you are lacking motivation to go out and do things. I truely think you should start doing things (like a pt job) that you must do that will force you to get out. This is what I did and it made an excuse to realize what Im missing by staying home and it lifted the depression a bit. Do you see a therapist? I have a weekly therapist, and a phyciatrist for my depression, anxiety, mood disorder. It helps so much.

[desperate1111]

yeah that was me. i didn't want to be bothered with anyone, family, friends, no one. i was happy just me and the pills. how ridiculous that sounds. and its hard to get moving again after you quit the pills. i spent too much time feeling sorry for myself. i had to finally make myself get back into life. and it feels so good.
do you take anything for depression? i take prozac, don't even know if it helps but i did change my attitude a few weeks ago and that did help.
gas is 4 a gallon here!!!!!

[mimi1313]

Absolutely, I did that. And I ddin't realize it. I know part of it was pain but was part of me felt happy to be just home and thought i was content. I think that really hit me afterwards that I did that because I've never been one to stay in one place for long.