depressed on day 15

[toothfairie]

a good friend on here suggested i post since i've been down today.....so i took her advice....today is day 15 clean....never thought i could ever say that 10 days ago and i've very grateful for that...never the less.....depression or gloomy mood....has set in big time.....i think it has something to do with me having to go back to work Monday....i know i have to but i'm just really upset about it and wondering if i have the strength yet to go back.....been off 2 weeks...which is a very long time for me....not sure i can make up more excuses to be off.  I'm  assuming this is normal but it sure is hard.

[toothfairie]

awww thank you so much B for posting....i know you are going thru a hard time....my prayers are with you and my heart goes out to you.....but thanks for being there for me!  you are a true inspiration!!  xoxoxoxo

[toothfairie]

thanks you clean!!   i just had a mental pic of big granny panties.....LMAO!!  yea i guess i can do 4-5 hours....it is a gift for first day back....i'm so glad i found this site and you guys.....it got me thru worst of WD....and will continue to take any advice given.thru my recovery...thank you all so much for the words of encouragement!!   i've been a baby past two days...so i'm trying to "grow up"....lol  

[Bkitty]

Sweet tooth!! I love it!! Im not much on giving advice today as I don't feel good (obviously) but I wanted to send love (((hugs))) and support your way! Hope today is a better day for you. ~Bkitty

[clean_in_ks]

Hey sweet tooth!  You said it, fear of the unknown...... and you WILL DO JUST GREAtT!!  4 or 5 hrs is a "gift" for your first day back.  Fear spells...
F...false E...emotions A...appearing R....real.
"Appearing real.....NOT real"  Make a deal with your head to NOT think about going back to work until TOMORROW when you will be doing it.
I always try to go "over it, under it, around it" but when I dig up the courage to go THROUGH it, I grow.  My foundation is stronger and I believe in myself.  You will too!  (don't forget to wear you big girl panties LOL)
Look what you've done in just two weeks!!!!  Tomorrow will be a ringer!
And you'll be on here tomorrow night joyfully posting away!!!  I KNOW you will~

[toothfairie]

thank you comingclean.....yes tmrw will take care of itself....its just the unknown is always worse....i made it thru CT WDs alone except for the wonderful people on here.....so i guess i can work half day tmrw.....lol  boss said only come in at 1 cuz of patient load is light in am...thank God....lol

[toothfairie]

thanks for sharing your story with me.....this has been a journey for sure.....i have never done power drinks....so not sure.....they might make me bounce all over the place and with my job i need a steady hand...lol  i am only working half day.....my boss said don't come in til 1pm....not many patients in the morning so i'll only put in 4-5 hours....thanks so much!!!

[Success007]

Sorry my post was for toothfarie, well I guess for anyone who gets an ounce of inspiration . I luv u guys, all !

[Success007]

I used a power drink and it worked best so far.  I can't wait for day 30.
And the saving of $115 month is good and if there was a natural disaster imagine if we ran outta meds!!!!   Prisoner to oxy/ percs has really controlled us. It's time to control it.   Gain control over our lives.   I did it as rec. long story. My dr got arrested for sexual assaulting patience, he stayed open 1 more month before getting shut down.  I went it on day 1 after it was splattered all over the news, I asked for percocets, he wrote rx, then I went to pain med dr to keep up the refills. I knew what I was doing. Everyone in the waiting room, well half , im sure where in the same boat. As time goes we tolerate more. Party's over, it turns on us eventually. I'm 11 days behind u and I hope when your 111 clean, I hit 100 days clean !  It's big to tell a friend or two, the dirty secret keeps us as hostage longer. The more people who know, the less chance of relap. My mom asks if I'm off the junk...and I must let her know that it didn't over power me. So if for that alone,perhaps ego, whatever motivates you. Do it. Thanks for coming here.  I look fwd to staying clean with you. Xo

[Comingclean2012]

I think once you get into work and your mind is busy that you will be fine. I know that the first time I went out after being clean I was so scared everyone would look at me and KNOW thati was different. However, most people told me I looked great and were happy to see me out and about. No one but my husband, my best friend of 28 years & you guys knew why I had been sick from withdrawal and not a flu. Just do your job and I bet you'll find the day flies by and you'll be happier for getting day 1 back to work under your belt! Good luck sweetie and just focus on today, tomorrow will take care of itself! Hugs!     Keri

[toothfairie]

thanks Denise.....i emailed my boss and asked how many patients we have tmrw.....i don't know if i hope alot of a few.....lol  either way it will be tough but i'm hoping to get thru the whole day without freaking out and running home.....lol  

[denise3606]

I kind of wish I did not know what your are talking about , but I do...Like you said put my big girl panties...You can do it..But is has to be a constant reminder that This too shall pass...Be grateful for every minute you are at work and the morning will end and then you will be on your way home...Boy do I know where you are coming from...Love you and I will pray for you today....Hugs Denise...It is hard for me today too, but getting better...

[toothfairie]

you always give good answers....all of you do..... :)

[Pat1956100]

I think i'm ready for my nightly nap :(  I woke up way too early today and it was a long, hard day.
I really hope you feel better and wish I could stay awake longer but my eyes just won't let me.
I will chat with you first thing in the morning or later tonight when I wake up.
Another day clean girl. We are racking them up now.

[toothfairie]

thank you so much....i can feel the love from all of you....means so much!  and i'll think of you all when i go in Monday....lol  :)

[Teresa1717]

Your going to be ok girl...Ill be with you there in spirit :)

[toothfairie]

still anxious about work....uggg  but it'll be ok eventually....i had popcorn last night so not craving it tonight....i might have a yogurt in a min....lol  

[Pat1956100]

How are you feeling?  Is it popcorn time yet?  Maybe not, I just had a pudding lol.  

[toothfairie]

thanks so much jen....it's nice to hear that i've helped you somewhat.....i'll be on here tonight as well.....hope you have a great night  :)

[jenjen1966]

So sorry to hear about your bad day. One day at a time, remember? By Monday things will be better. If only just a bit. I'll be home. If you need? I'll look fo you. You have been an inspiration for me. Reading your posts really helped get me thru! Stay strong. It will get better.

[toothfairie]

thank you Kyle....that gives me hope.....it's not a strenuous job...well not the one i'm returning to on Monday....it just can be stressful with my boss.....to say the least.....i have another wkend job with the military that i've had to duck out of for past couple wkends....but i don't have a weekend lined up for that just yet....hoping i'll get another couple weeks before i tackle that one....it IS strenuous and stressful....lol  

[toothfairie]

yes that's true......fear is a powerful thing for sure....especially when you feel weak and tired....but you all have made me feel better and i know i'm not alone in this battle...

[kyle505]

What you're feeling is normal, albeit unpleasant. As you know, you will continue to have good days and bad days - and the anxiety will hang around for awhile, making things you've done a hundred times seem almost impossible.
During the last two months that I used I focused only on getting and using pills. My work fell behind, but I didn't care. On day 6 of my detox from hell I had to return to work. The night before I couldn't sleep; the anxiety and worry pressed on my chest so hard there were times I thought I would pass out.
Fast forward to day 3 back at work...I was amazing!! Without the meds clouding my head my productivity was super human. I got caught up in less than a week and felt so proud and thankful.  
I can't tell you not to feel anxious or depressed about returning to work; all I can say is you my surprise yourself.

[rush2112]

My pleasure, I try to look at situations from different perspectives, helps me get a grip when I feel lack of control, hope my perspective helps...FDR said it best..."the only thing we have to fear..."

[toothfairie]

anything you offer as support is welcome Pat!!  always!!  and you have been there as well as others from day 1.....that means more to me than you know.....you've supported me even when you were down yourself....thank you all so much....