need advice.

[olyv511]

I have been abusing my medications for a long time.... like 10 years long time. I call myself a high functioning drug addict. NOBODY KNOWS... I MEAN NOBODY except my contacts when I run out. I take 10/325 hydrocodone and sometimes 30mg of percocet. First thing on my mind in the morning is taking my hand full of pills, oh yea I left that part out I don't just take one pill I take from 8 to 10 at a time. So up to 100mg of vicodin just in the am. Yes I know the acetometophine is damaging but I am an addict I don't care unfortunatelly. I did an experiment with myself I guess... one morning I woke up so sad and somber and realized how much time has flown by so that morning I took just one pill because I feel like I have just been masking life and hiding a trama and the pain of dealing with it from surfacing. This day that I took the minimal pills just to keep me from getting detox ill was wonderful... I saw the world in a who new light. I felt things I hadn't felt in a long time my mom told me how beautiful I looked she said I had a glow about me. I did feel pretty darn good. I need advice on tappering off for good. I have my last 60 pills which would normally last me two days I guess my question is how do I have those get me through the tappering so the detox won't be so violent? I am ready to see this world again for the first time in 10 years. any suggestions appreciated!

[AMom1st]

Hi!  Just want to lend my support.  Check into the Thomas Recipe.  Get the items listed there and take them right away...even before you quit your pills.  They will help.  Withdrawals are not fun but they are doable.  Truthfully we work ourselves up about it and then when we go through it we find that they weren't as bad as we had built them up to be in our minds.  Now, don't get me wrong....you are going to feel like hooey for few days but you CAN do it.  If you want the liberated feeling of being able to see the world clean and sober then you will do this.  First thing is first though, figure out a plan to stop whether you taper or go c/t and stick with it.  Be ok with not being ok for a few days while you withdrawal.  Tell yourself that you have the flu and in a few days you will feel better.  Then the real work begins...aftercare.  But first thing is first....let's get you clean.  Keep posting and remember to take things one step at a time.  There are so many wonderful people here that will help you through this...even if it is minute to minute.  Best of luck!

[Teresa1717]

Hi there and welcome!! Your drug use sounds very similar to mine and pills were ALL I thought about!! I would do what I had to to get them. Even to the point of breaking the law. You have made a great decision to stop because using the amount you are, for how long you have been, is on the path to nowhere in a hurry! I promise you life WILL be better without pills!

Tapering is obviously always the best way since it lessens the w/d's, but most people dont have the self disipline to do it properly. To be honest, you said you have 60 left and the amount you use daily, you wont be able to do a proper, slow taper so IMO tapering with what you have verus stopping c/t, will really be no difference in the w/d's department unfortunately. I know that your scared of the w/d's! I was TERRIFIED of them, but they werent as bad as I had invisioned and after 5 days the worst was over.

Youve made a great choice here, one you wont regret! Were here to support you in any way we can! Stay close to the forum, and post often!!

[Bubulous]

I do feel for those with PTSD.  The good news is there is more awareness about the issue now and I am seeing more and more getting help.  Also if they get back from war and fall into addiction as long as they say something to their chain of command before failing a drug test, they are often sent to treatment where they can work on the PTSD and the addiction.  Money is not an object I just spent 90 days in a 1800 dollar a day treatment center.  

As far as my story of recovery....

I coped since 2006 when I got back from Iraq with pain pills.  I recently got out of treatment with a lot of will and a lot of knowledge but my work was not over.  I still had codependency (a behavior where your mood is easily altered by people, along with a lot of other aspects).  I also had to work on my OCD which I just learned I had a problem with about a month and a half ago.  I am also bipolar type one.  I made a big milestone yesterday and I can stop working for a while and enjoy life, being mindful of my addition and mood swings.  I am not saying I have it harder than anybody but I am saying I have over 160 days clean today and it is reachable.  You are about to start your road to self discovery and it can be a long road but if you have your heart in it, take every day one day at a time, start learning about the underlying problems that feed your addiction, I can't remember if you said you are getting them off the streets but if you are give up all communication with the dealers and your friends that use.  I don't care how close they are to you.  you can always start back up if they recover.  I just had to turn away my best friend that I went to Iraq with because he kept trying to get me to buy them for him or take him to one of my ex dealers because his were out.  Notice what emotions and behaviors make you crave the most.  It is usually depression, pain, and/or the obsessive thought that we develop form brooding over where we are getting our next fix.

Keep coming back here and you will find a lot of support.  

[YesLife4Me]

Hi, its pretty slow here on the weekends.   Tapering never worked for me either.  As soon as I started feeling bad or had something I needed to do, I was taking an extra one here and there.   There are only a few people and I mean a few that were able to taper succesfully.  Most of us had to either go cold turkey or taper so a level and then jump off.   Going ct is actually easier in some ways because you get it all done and over with quicker.  Tapering seems to draw oit the inevitable and you don't feel so great while in the process.   You said nobody knows.  One of the things we have to do is tell our secrets.  Even if it is to our dr or an AA/NA meeting to start with.   Being accountable is huge to being succesful, otherwise we do eventually relapse.  This isnt something you can do by sheer will power alone. Your dr can prescribe meds to ease withdraw.  Otherwise look up the Thomas Recipe on this page and get the minerals, supplements, nutrients and most of all the Immodium to get us through the detox phase.   And keep reading and posting for support, advice and feedback.  This really is a wonderful community that has helped so many.   After you get off the meds, you will need support for dealing with day to day mental things such as depression, challenges, etc.   So stick around and keep us updated on your progress.  And good job for taking the first step of reaching out for help.  You can do this!  

[olyv511]

Thank You so much. First of all let me say I appreciate your services to our country!! I hate that so many soilders are dealing with P.T.S.D. It is such an ugly dibilitating mental illness. I KNOW. I honestly have never tried to quit...I never really saw a problem until I realized I was just surviving life but not living it anymore. I mean what I say when I say thank you for answering me (it's not the drugs talking because I haven't taken any today) i'm feeling pretty positive and hopefull although I know there are bad days to come too.

[Bubulous]

Hello and welcome to the forum,


Of course you don't think about the damage you can do to your liver, that isn't how we work when we are using.

"realized how much time has flown by so that morning I took just one pill because I feel like I have just been masking life and hiding a trauma and the pain of dealing with it from surfacing."

Yeah you got that right.  Not many people would disagree with that.  i was using mostly because of PTSD from Iraq although that wasn't the only reason.

As far as tapering we are not allowed to post instructions on how to do it.  I had know success with that before.  You will find a lot of people here who can help you through doing it cold turkey and you may find someone who can talk to you on pm about tapering but like I said, it NEVER worked for me and often doesn't work for most people.  I have seen some however that it did work for.  With you being use to taking so many at a time I doubt that you can taper successfully if you try it and you fail come back on and ask about quitting c/t.  Either way come back and let us know about your detox and you will find a lot of support and advice here,

Larry