End of the line~

[dominosarah]

My daughter called me this morning.  Asked if i had heard about the body they found on the shore in the town i live in.  I said no.  I am heading to DQ and i hear the name of the victim.  It was a former coworker of mine.  She was 38 and it was suicide.  I saw her about a month ago at my other job.  She came in with that smile she always had to show me her new tattoo and update me on her life.  She was doing so well.  Was in a relationship, was sober and working at a new job.  I dont know what happened from then till last night, all i know is her demons must of came back with a vengenance.  She fought addiction, was clean and then would relapse.  She could never really put any amount of time together but she was always honest with me.  I would tell her how proud of her i was and to always keep her Guard Up.  We always said see ya with a hug.  There wont be anymore hugs.  I always had to laugh as she was so much shorter than me.  She didnt stand 5'0 with heels on, i am 5'8!!

My emotions are all over the place right now.  I should of seen this, i should of done this and i should of done that.  Am i so wrapped up in my own life that i cant see into someone else's?  I am pretty good at reading people, how did i so badly fail at this one.

My point in this tragedy is for everyone to talk talk TALK.  I dont care what it is that is bothering you, please reach out.  We all have value and are important.  I dont want anyone to feel this despair, there is a way out and talking about things is a start.

RIP my friend, may you soar with the eagles~

[marycarmel]

So sorry for your losses and pain.

[10356]

This is all very sad Sara and I'm so sorry that you are going thru this and that your friends Daughter has been taken.. This disease we share alcoholism addiction it is so scarey when it gets out of control.. any of us that have drank till we were beyond knows what terrible fights alcohol brings to a relationship any of us that have done it long enough have picked ourselves out of the mud on more then one occasion.. My heart breaks for their pain for their loss for their anger for their disease.. My condolences my friend too you and all who loved the two. for your young friend who took her life.. for all of us that suffer under this insidious disease.. love you friend.. lesa

[meegWpaw]

im sorry Sarah i did not see the second part of this post until now.  i am so sorry.  you have been through so much, especially lately.  i can't imagine how you must be feeling but i hope you take some solace in how much you have helped others, certainly me.  it's more than once daily that i repeat things you have said, in my head, to keep myself going.--Meegy

[BelleFemme]

My heart aches for you...I will be praying for her family...and for you wrapping you up in the most comforting of energy and peace....we never know...a couple of years ago, before the hydros, I have been there. All the tragedy. I was tired of waiting for what was next...came very close. A few times...no one would have saw it coming, but I would have hurt so many people...my thoughts will be with you and her loved ones...

[debsgotcurves]

My most sincere condolences.  It's to me the worst part of recovery, that we lose so many that we grow to love to the disease of addiction. I've lost way too many over the years. Thanks for sharing your story though, it reminds me of how much we isolate ourselves when we are using.  I am incredibly grateful to have found this group bc I have been sooo alone since I started using and even more so since my divorce and moving to another city 4 years ago. I've been around long enough to know I can't do this alone. Your friend CHOSE not to turn to anyone for help and that is not your fault.  You were an inspiration to her I'm sure as you are to MANY on here! Sorry for your loss!

[addict3]

This is unfortunate my friend. It is absolutely meaningless for someone to do this to another and oneself.
It leaves family, friends and acquaintances wondering what part they played in it and could they have done something to have prevented it when in fact they could not. It is a very selfish and inconsiderate thing to do.

How are you? Are you taking care of you? Try not to get to wrapped up in it.
Now is the time to have that Guard Up!

[LeaAnn807]

I'm very sorry, honey!  You're right.....everyone should talk about what's going on in their heads.  Nothing is stupid or meaningless if it's bothering you......

Talking could save a life.  I try to always be there for people in my life who need me.  Sometimes at the expense of myself when it comes to not sleeping to talk to them all night or most of it.  It's a simple way to help, and I don't mind it!  I know you're the same way as you have talked to me and helped me through a lot of things over the years.  Thank you for that!

[ImDONENoMore]

I'm so sorry, Sarah.

[Overwhelmed10]

So sorry to hear this Sarah..it's especially hard when tragedies occur so close together...my heart goes out to you.
Julie

[ricart70]

Sorry Sarah  

[selfinduced]

There are no words.......peace and prayers to you Sarah and all that knew and loved this family.

[EvolverU]

Sarah, my friend, I'm in tears, here. I, too, consider myself to be a decent people-reader but lost close friends & asked myself where I'd gone wrong.

It's not you..... It's not. It can happen in the twinkling of an eye! Especially with someone who has been clean over &  over and then gone back. OD's are so shocking, heartbreaking & frustrating for the survivors.. So pointless.

I know you're aching from your post, because I do for my losses & because of your very nature. You're a caretaker & you gather people to you. You can't do it all. It's hard but true. You do so much.

I just want to tell you that you've  helped save many people. I'm one of them. Thank you.

You're also the person who so powerfully demonstrated to me on your 5th yr. milestone that we are going to have these rough days and feelings & that we COULD do that & survive intact - We could go forward, soberly. Thank you for teaching me that.

With Love & Respect,
Annie

[toothfairie]

So sorry Sarah!!  my prayers are with all concerned....take care of you my friend!  ((hugs))  so sad indeed....such devastation addiction can cause.

[dominosarah]

It is very sad~

Hugs my friend~

[dominosarah]

The sad part is you can understand how this happens.  The rage takes over.  I need to get some fresh air.  Thanks for talking to me laurel, hugs to you~

[ariley13]

I'm sorry Sarah. This is very sad and scary news. People really do lose themselves when in active addiction. It makes you into something you are not.

[laurel453]

it is indeed scary what our minds can be driven to by all this ****, substances, whatever, they destroy our sanity too fast. i don't understand what make anyone wanting to kill a loved one but i know that I have never felt worse and almost insane that at the end of my days of using.

[dominosarah]

It's so scary laurel as to how fast the insanity switch is turned on.  The husband had been drinking and the situation escalated into 2 deaths.  I am in total shock over this.  When she called and told me this i couldnt even speak.  I am so grateful for my sobriety.......

[laurel453]

this is heartbreaking... i am so sorry for you friend, sarah and for your coworker, poor daughter !!

[dominosarah]

Just had a phone call from one of my coworkers who i am very close to at my other job.  Her daughter was murdered yesterday by the husband who then took his own life.  They were 47.  Both of them had trouble with drugs and alcohol.  Please PLEASE i beg all of you to check yourselves at the door.  This could be anyone of us~

[weaver71]

Really sorry Sarah. You know how fast it can happen, she may have been fine until her last few hours. You lived an example, you did all you could have. I really feel for you and those who knew her.

[akitagurl12]

I am really sorry too.  That is very sad.  You gave excellent advice, let us all promise to reach out and talk BEFORE we make a permanent decision for a temporary problem/state of mind.  There is always hope, even when it doesn't feel like it.  

[Overwhelmed10]

I'm so sorry to hear this Sara.  Se was lucky to have had you as a friend.  Sending thoughts and prayers.

[atthebeach]

Sara you were her  friend, coworker, an ear, a hug, she knew she could count on you. She  was blessed to have you in her life.
She has a place in your heart.
Hugs, comfort and peace my friend