First time here...

[Iacknowledge]

I am really glad I'm here right now! To make a long story short, I have been addicted to pain pills for 3 years. I haven't actually run out, but I know I will. That time aways comes right? I recently realized my addiction is completely out of control!!!! I was up to 25 Vicodin a day! Worst part is I dont even have that warm feeling in my tummy that makes me feel happy anymore. It's just a sad sad addiction. I have been taking 2 a day trying to ween off but I'm not well! Real problem now is all I want is to feel "normal" again, which in turn is "high!" I hope the support from this website can help me! God knows the only person who know I'm addicted is my connect . The rest of the world is completely in the dark :( I want to be myself again. I

[LostNoMore]

Hello. I know you're hurting right now. We've been there. Minn is right about prolonging the withdrawal by taking a few pills a day. You're at a point now where it seems like you could stop taking pills and get on with the DT. It won't be as bad as you think. For me, the fear was way worse than the WDs turned out to be. Getting and staying clean is not easy but it's so worth the struggle.
Hang in there and stick around this forum. I get a lot of help here just by reading and posting. It's good therapy.

[minn66]

Hi and welcome! Cutting down to two a day is a great accomplishment and it is good that your husband is holding the pills. Do you have a "quit date?" I know what you are trying to do and yes, a lot of people have been able to successfully taper. The thing is, you have drastically reduced your intake and are going through wd anyway. The small dose you are taking now is just prolonging the withdrawal. I found I was very relieved when I finally just quit altogether. As you know, it won't be easy. Stock up on Immodium and supplements and just tell yourself you have a bad bug that you have to just suffer through.

Whether you decide to continue to taper or jump, keep posting and we'll help you through it any way we can.

Hugs,

Minn

[Iacknowledge]

Thanks for the support & all of ur advise! To be totally clear, I've pretty much always been an addict of some kind, stopping for a couple months years weeks etc. But this Vicodin addiction has by far been my drug of choice. Like I said this past month I took at least 25 pillls (somedays I'd lose count) anyway, this past Sunday I started running low. I only had about 18 left. I took them all. It seemed almost like i wanted to run out just to quit. So here I am...my husband has been taking care of me as best he can. He is actually my connect :( I've basically manipulated my way into my addiction. (Sigh) I guess what were trying is to taper. He has the bottle of  pills. Not me. I WANT so badly to be DONE. (Oh btw he doesn't take them unless he is serious pain as it should be). I was really bad the first 2 days. was killing me. 2 hours of sleep (insomnia) & an upset stomach. No appetite. It's definitely an out of body experience. Also I don't take the 2 pills until night time to help me sleep because I think without sleep you can't function as well. So anyway here i am the 4th day & I woke with a sense if calm I guess. I know its still in my system so I'm obviously not clean but I haven't taken any pills today yet. Maybe the withdrawal symptoms will be worse when I completely stop. & then of course my craving will always be there. I will come here for the support. Day by day. Day by day.

[akitagurl12]

Hi, I am glad you found this website:)  My vicodin addiction got completely out of control too, and I could see if I didn't stop, my life was on the verge of falling totally apart.  Plus, I lost that warm fuzzy feeling a long time ago, I was just taking it to stop the w/d symptoms.  I am so glad to be off that rollercoaster.  It is so worth it, even on my bad days.  I wish I did this a long time ago, but sometimes things need to get really bad before we are motivated to change.  I thought being high was normal too, but it's not.  And it does take a lot of time to start to feel normal.  It's a sometimes scary but exciting journey because you begin to turn into a completely different person when you quit.  Not back to the person you were before you quit really, but a whole new person, with much more knowledge, strength, compassion, and new respect for life and your body.  At least that is what is happening for me, and I haven't even been clean a month yet.  Keep posting, this site has really been a great support for me.

[overopiates]

If ur going straight from25to2a day thats not a taper thats just awful w/d dragging &2a day isnt helping ur w/d.I would just flish them get the supplies from the thomas recipe.For me the worst was tummy issues so load up on NAME BRAND immodium.The name brand works tons better.i dnt know the medical way to explain it but immodium has the same/similar binding ingredients that opiates have to calm ur stomache,stop diarreah&helps w/other symptoms of w/d too.It was explained to me its got the stuff that opiates do but wont ever get u high but helps w/lots of w/d symptoms.It did too.I took it generously for a few days when I went c/t from150mg of hydro a day for years.If u have a doctor(if not get one if possible)explain ur quitting ask for clonidine a blood pressure med thats widely used for opiate w/d&helps most of us a lot.N the thpmas recipe these r a couple of the items as well as a benzo4anxiety(smallest dose4the shortest time).If u cant or sont wanna do that get an otc anxiety aid(ask the pharmacist or here people can tell u many things that help).If u went from24to2a day r u sleeping?Thats probably the biggest complaint.Otc altril(sp?)Ive heard good things also a tylenol,exedrin,advil P.M. ANY P.M.med should help.Also rls is a big complaint(I took the clonidine I mentioned from a dr&it took that away).Like I said if u just dropped that much thats wild but Im thinking u tapered.What r ur worst w/d symptoms?Oh&for most of is high is our normal Im telling u right now its not.U will need aftercare(NA,addiction specialist etc)to stay SOBER.The mental part is really tough&u cant do this w/o support.This forum is amazing,a suppoerive spouse as well BUT u need other support(a sponser is great)2stay clean.Like me&so many others I seem to have forgot what sobriety is like,high is ur normal,u cant imagine really being sober is like.That was the case for me.I was scared,I took pills ro do ANYTHING(clean,grocery shop TAKE MY SON TO THE PARK(thats the1that gets me most)IGNORE THE RANDOM PART OF SENTENCE at the end.on my phone cant seem to delete it sry

great)2stay sober.I think lik me u hVe

[littlebit667]

You are almost there!  The realization that the pills are NOT your friend is big.  I say almost..because to really start the process....you need to get rid of your connect..block the number, etc.  Whatever it takes.  I tried over and over again to stop and for me it did not stop until I told my husband, adult children and doctor (my connect).  It was at that point, I began the journey to get clean and stay clean.  Hardest and best thing I ever did.  I know everyone's story is different and your walk will be different.   But, once the devil pills turn against you the only choice (at least for me) was to find a way to get and stay clean.  You are right the mental is by far the hardest.  The brain wants us back on the pills...and will do whatever it can to get us using again.  Glad you have found your way here.  Great site and people who really care!  Keep posting.

[huddy318318]

i am also is the same situation as where nobody i know is aware of my addiction and problem, which i imagine trying to get clean would make it harder.. Thru my experience i would advise you not to get some type of otc sleep aide...(sominex, tylenol pm) bc they work different for everybody...for me they made my anxiety and restless legs 10X worse...when at home try watching a lot of movies, take 4 or 5 showers a day.  i was clean for over 3 months and am so pissed at myself right now for putting myself thru this again..i know for myself anyways it will not be until after that 4th week before i still feeling like myself again around 75%.  we can do this

[Iacknowledge]

The hardest part is the mental part, I know!. My mind has been playing tricks on me for sure. But at lest I won't have to worry myself to death about what I'm doing to my liver anymore. Lol.

[Iacknowledge]

Thank you so much for taking te time to write me back. As for now, I've done a lot of research on the addiction of V's. I am trying to seem myself off and yes I plan on quitting. I know this because i am sick & tired of putting myself on an emotional roller coaster. & I want to see clearly if that makes sense.  I feel like ive been asleep for 3 years. I haven't been able to even leave my house, honestly I think I can do it tomorrow. I will. Although there's no sun out lol I need to see REAL people. Smh. Depression has gotten the best of me just because I'm afraid I wont know how to function without my pills. Even just talking about it now is refreshing. I hope this is the last round of pills I come across.

[Rodbird]

As many others have told me this is a unbelievable place you get suppport and that is very true! Question 4 u are u ready to get clean? You cant change what u don't knowledge?

[huddy318318]

I am right there with you...when i wake up tomorrow i will be on day 5, coming off of a 6 year battle with Vicodin and norcos...i do have some advice as i was clean at 1 point last year for 3 months but relapsed and am trying again..1st thing is get some immodium, drink as much water as possible.  GET OUT OF THE HOUSE as the sun increases serotonin in our brains.. if you can try and get some valium or xanax to help you get by the first week.. i was not able to obtain them so i turned to a herbal energy "shot" called vicozen (i know it sounds similar) but u can find it online..this shot has done WONDERS for me.  For me the hardest past is the mental side of staying clean.