Avatar universal

Friend Needed

I know this is probably not the right forum to ask for help with other stuff than the obvios substance abuse issues, but I have been here for a little while, and I respect most everyones input.
Me and my husband are both addicted to the same drug, we are both tapering down, and it's been about a year that we have been tapering. I got pregnant at 15 (he was 19) and got married at 16 (he 20) it's been 9 years and going on 10. We have had a whole lot of hard times, this addiction included. At first when we decided to get clean and sober we were getting along very well, and it seemed the light at the end of the tunnel was becoming brighter. Now lately it seems we can't even have a normal conversation without it turning into an arguement or full blown fight. I can't even begin to say who's to blame when this happens. We end up saying so much to eachother that we get lost in what the problem was in the first place. I am going insane with confusion. We don't agree on anything. Ideas, beliefs, how we want to live when we are sober and financially equipped again, etc. For example: I came to this site and signed up because it seemed to be a nice place to go for outside support, and all that. Everyone here is going through the same thing as everyone else and I find it enlightening and it helps me get through hard times. Well he don't agree, he thinks it's stupid, he thinks that I shouldn't ask questions or for support, but that I should just be able to read everyone elses stuff. He thinks I am dumb for giving any info to anybody, and he actually threatened to just stop paying for internet so that I can't have the access. I don't understand what is wrong with what I am doing. He is more of a private, personal person and I have dealt, and finally respected that about him. So why can't he do the same for me? Why can't he let me cope the way that helps me, while I let him cope the way he wants. I've told him to checkout the site, and the forums, but he just thinks it's a waste of time.
I don't just want to give up on us, but I am so afraid that once we are off the drugs that we won't work. His views on love and live are not at all like mine, and it seems instead of meeting in the middle he expects me to just give in and face reality that life sucks no matter what.

Am I wrong to be this way?
Is it just the w/d symptoms that are making us snap and fight all the time?
Should I be worried or am I just being selfish and paranoid?
Are our children happier with 2 parents who can't get along, or is it better for them if the parents are seperated yet are friends?

Any words needed, honesty appreciated no matter if I like it or not. I just need a friend right now.
Also I hate that I have to sneak to be on here. So for those of you who wonder why I am not on here for days at a time, well it's because I can't. Please help, and sorry if I should have went to a different forum, but like I said earlier, I like it  here.Anything..............................something.........................to help me with my confused thoughts

4 Responses
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382273 tn?1206529485
Obviously now is a tough time. You definately need support to get thru this you are right about that. If your not getting the support you need out of your lover and are directed to come here, then by all means come here for support. But that right there is telling you something about him and how he operates. Now doesn't it. I understand somewhat when people look for support from thier significant other and don't find it there when the other has NO IDEA what they are going through. But in your case you guys are trying to do this together and he should support you in any way that you are trying to help yourself. My point is this. If you don't get the support you need from him now at both of your lowest points in life then when will he be there for you?
Helpful - 0
352798 tn?1399298154
There is nothing wrong with what you are doing here. The separation thing is a whole different story. If you are always fighting and there is no peace. That is not healthy for you or kids. Can you both see a counselor? It sounds like this hasn't always been this way. You both need to get clean for a while before you call it quits with each other.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
See, it's amazing how I feel after hearing.................well anything. I agree with both of you, and unfortunately it is why I am confused. But your (both) comments, have made me feel even the tiniest bit better. I already decided that I am going to wait until I am clean before making any decisions. And I mean when I get clean, not when both. I feel I will come through this first, so therefore when I am sober and things don't change I will know that I can go on without him in life and be a strong, productive woman, because I went through something really tough and succeeded. I am just getting sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooIMPATIENT!!! I want clean NOW. I want to be normal NOW.

Anyways thank you guys bunches. I really appreciate your point of views.
And GoingToMakeIt, it kinda always has been like this, but up and down. The beginning of us was HORRIBLE but I know it was because of our age difference, and what life had thrown at us so quickly.Last year was our best year to date, but out of 9 -10yrs. thats kinda not so good. Sometimes I think I can change the way he thinks in certain areas, but how many times have we heard that, and jeez is he HARD-HEADED!

Sorry, I guess I had to vent some more.LOL
Again thanks................Sam
Helpful - 0
390416 tn?1275185087
I thkn alot of it has to do w/ wd, but you also hav e alot iof history packed in your young yrs..thsi is how i would do it for me...I would get clean first and then take things from there...as far as separating, only you can decide, but children do suffer, plus they think this in NORMAL...so keep posting...is there any way you can get come counseling???I found that to be helpful also!
Helpful - 0
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