Getting Busted, a Blessing in Disguise.

[lesson_learned]

evening. Last week I got a blessing in disguise, I'd been abusing vicodin since last fall. Getting 3 refills a month. I came up with every excuse to keep taking them as directed. Then some a$$clown suggested I crush them to get a stronger effect, me being an addict,did so. Well, I got busted the FIRST time I did it. As I said, it was for the best. Doc will no longer prescribe narcotic classed drugs to me-ever. Said I broke my narcotic agreement, which pretty much black lists me from getting narcotics anywhere, ever in my life. Hopefully I won't ever need them for something serious, now that I've gone and been a fool, and screwed everything up. >:(
I'm angry at myself. Can't believe I was so weak.

She referred me to a substance abuse doctor, who called me and interviewed me. I'm having such a hard time. This discontinuance occurred three days before I was due for a refill. So I split them up into 5's from 10's. I've been sneezing, unable to sleep long, diarrhea,body aches, my injury seems to hurt 3x worse. But this is for the best. I'm not making excuses anymore. It's so easy to wrap up addiction into a pretty little package...and yet so hard to see it for what it *really* is. I wish I was strong...on Thursday, at 12pm I will take my last dose of Vicodin, hopefully ever. I see this substance doctor on Friday at 3:30pm -well- into withdrawals. I'm scared..like anyone else. I don't even know how to live sober. I set up an apt with a substance abuse councilor but I don't see them until Aug10th. I hope I can post here for support. I know I screwed up, so I don't need any hard talk, just need some support so I stay on the right path. I can't sleep either =( I heard Effexor is good for the anxiety and even pain relief.  I'm kinda moody, find myself crying at the drop of a hat....I gotta get through this. Help. I'm an addict, and I f*ked up. Big Time. ="(

[dominosarah]

It was do or die for me so i had to just do it and take whatever came my way.  I took myself mentally to a place i had never been before.  Vicoprofen was my DOC but i took whatever came my way.  Tapering must be dam tough.  It takes a special person to do that in my book.  Just keep going on yours and hang in there.  This is tough i know but the other side is so awesome~~~~~sara

[Ballgame]

Wow cold turkey. That's impressive. I couldn't last more than 60 hrs cold turkey before getting help. I tried it.
I'm struggling now because it's a struggle to not take a pill when I have wd.  So it's nice to know people can do cold turkey.  My taper is for oxy, is that what you did?
Thx for sharing

[dominosarah]

I started using when i was young and didnt give it up until i was 46.  I put down the drugs in April of 2008.  Went cold turkey as i wasnt a good candidate for tapering as i am an all or nothing type person.  I took the wd's as they came as i knew i had to rid my body of all the toxins i had fed it.  I remember going to Walgreens, throwing up all the way to get my supplements.  WD"s were brutal but nothing compared to what my life was while i was using.  I got into recovery care as i had so many demons dancing in my head and to this day i am still working my program and dealing with those monsters.  My sobriety is the most sacred thing in my life and i protect it with everything i have.  I have come a long way but i know i cant ever let my guard down.  Just for today i am a very grateful recovering addict~~~~sara  

[Ballgame]

Meant long. Darn iPhone auto spell

[Ballgame]

Sara how LNG did it take you to get clean? You taper?

[dominosarah]

YES that happens and it is an awesome feeling.  It will happen Ballgame.      sara