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5347058 tn?1381188426

Guard up, Guard up, Guard up!!

Hey MH friends! I had something happen the other night and just wanted to post about it. Hopefully it can serve as a reminder to always keep your guard up, regardless of how much clean time you have. First off, I have been clean for very close to 6 months. The past month has been a very rough one and the past week has been almost unbearable with cravings, constant stress, and a whole lot of BS. I guess that we are often tested when we are at our lowest. I was having a particularly upsetting evening on Thursday when one of my BF's friends called me and asked if I wanted some pills. (I can't stand this dude!) I guess that we were supposed to be running into him on Friday. I said 'Are you f'in kidding me?' and hung up on him immediately!! I mean seriously WTF??!! This guy knows that I am sober. He knows all about what I have been through. He still had the nerve to offer me pills??!! Just crazy!! Anyways, I made it clear to my BF that we would not be seeing this guy anytime soon, period. We went on about our business and thank goodness, I am still sober. I dodged a bullet for sure. It would have been so easy for me to cave with all of the crap that I have going on. Believe me, my addict brain was trying very, very hard to justify me using 'just once or twice'. Please everyone, keep your guard way up, ESPECIALLY when times are hard. That is when this kind of thing always seems to happen. Know your triggers, avoid them as much as possible, and always reach out when you are stressed, emotional, or down. It's good to have someone to hold you accountable. A big thank you to my friends that helped to 'talk me off of the ledge' on Thursday and Friday. Love you!
23 Responses
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Avatar universal
I'm still so very proud of you for hanging up on this jerk, what a looser eh! Yup you need out of that relationship, but you already know this, I hope you find your escape route soon. I too have been finding the going rough of late, just feel low and the craving have been mental. I suppose the fact my mothers pills are lying all round the house and my sisters too, well the ones she gives my mother are anyway, they both suffer with depression and anxiety, my mother is riddled with arthritis too, so you can just imagine the type of pills on offer. They just don't get it, they think the pills they have are safe because they take them, of course they aren't addicts, well not until they try and quit they aren't. I'm the only addict in this house to them, if you don't buy them from the street your cool, so not the right way to think. I have been really strong in ignoring there blindness to this problem and the pills can stay on display as far as I'm concerned. I have told them to hide them, it lasts for a day or two then they start appearing again. I gave up on asking after a couple of weeks, let them get on with it. I will be going back to my property in a month or two so its cool. It'll feel good to say I'm the only one in the family who's truly clean from all known substances, haha! I can remember a big argument with my whole family in a club a few years back, I was pushed out back then and know one wanted to know me, no one! They all ganged up on me shouting at me to sort my life out, but it got way to heavy, plus if you know me backing me into a corner isn't a good idea, I kind of explode into a whole new kind of crazy, ha! I finished the argument by saying listen to all you, I could hear half of you rattling on your way up to me, give yourself a shake, hahaha. Right rant over for now, head up peeps. Love ya Ang, the escape route is just around the corner, I'm sure of it. Great post, ;)
Helpful - 0
2083449 tn?1381354708
Great reminder ariley! It's so important to be aware that these types of situations happen unexpectantly, and we must be prepared. I can't stand people like that! Someone who knows you have quit yet still calls with an offer. How about deleting him from your phone, and your life? Take care, and I'm so glad you made it through that!
Helpful - 0
5347058 tn?1381188426
I would love to delete this guy from my life. Unfortunately it's my BF's friend and he refuses to stop talking to this guy. I just need to delete my BF once and for all and problem solved!! ;)
Helpful - 0
2083449 tn?1381354708
Well, if your BF really cares about you, and you staying sober.......  Just sayin.  Perhaps he could talk to and see him when you are not around! It's a sticky situation and I don't envy you! Stay strong! You're doing great!
Helpful - 0
4341997 tn?1514588688
great post Ang!  you did great with the phone call!  what a jerk!  you are a strong woman...take pride in that!  and yep...gotta keep our guard up all the time.  
Helpful - 0
1970885 tn?1435860428
Sonrissa said it, and you know it. Why in the hell would your BF even associate with someone who not only has pills, but is an a s s about it and tempts you?  Think about it...What a horrible thing to do to and addict who fights everyday to stay clean. If something similar happened to me, I would NOT tolerate anyone who's supposed to be close to me allowing a friend to act as your BF's friend did. Do not gloss this over; do not just put it aside because he's your BF's this or that.  I will happen again. This is a whole lot more serious than you may realize. Your BF is disrespecting you, putting his friend before you, and because of that he's allowing this to happen again.
K
Helpful - 0
5347058 tn?1381188426
My BF is a jerk. This is just one in a string of many screwed up, thoughtless things he has done lately. I know this and because of everything I am working on getting out of this relationship. Unfortunately I have no means to just up and leave, but will very soon. I know it's very messed up and I am not justifying his behavior at all. There is no way to justify that and he knows exactly what he is doing. He's just a selfish a$$ and doesn't care. Man, now you got me started!! ;)
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
GOOD JOB SPONGEBOB! I am super duper proud of you querida!
Helpful - 0
1970885 tn?1435860428
Lol...Wow, you sound like someone not to be messed with. I'm glad to hear that you are so aware and aren't taking any of the BS. Good for you.
So, I'd expect nothing but great things from you in the future. Good post.
K
Helpful - 0
2083449 tn?1381354708
OK, so that explains it! Sorry you are in that situation! Remember to put yourself and staying clean, first! Above anything and anyone else. I truly hope that things work out with the BF situation soon! You deserve some happiness! Take care and fight hard.
Helpful - 0
5347058 tn?1381188426
Haha! Yeah, Kyle I can be a bit of a brawler when necessary! ;0  Thanks guys!
Helpful - 0
1827057 tn?1397520277
Great job on turning those down !!   hang in there and stick to your plan ;)))
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Avatar universal
Great job honey bunny! Way to stay strong!!!
Helpful - 0
5685035 tn?1423932969
great job, iv been craving...coke mostly...today was bad i fear the holidays...and i fear moms bday...4 dealers are parting next door i want coke....ugh
Helpful - 0
5347058 tn?1381188426
Do you have anywhere you can go to get away from them partying?  That's a huge trigger, especially if you are already down and craving.
Helpful - 0
5429734 tn?1379741413
So proud of you sweetie!   That guy is a complete punk! Ugh... i do not like stupid people. You know you are a rock star in my book! You are worth so so much more!! I know you can and will get out of this. If you need any help we will all hop in a big white van and go steal you lol wouldnt that be fun?? I am so proud of you and thanks for this post we all need to remember to keep our guard up!
Helpful - 0
5347058 tn?1381188426
Yay! A good old fashioned kidnapping! Sounds like fun! ;)
Helpful - 0
4522800 tn?1470325834
Well Girl we both were talking about this yesterday.. I told you & kyle I was having a hard time going into some of the posting..I was hit the hardest ever in my 1 year and 2 weeks. I have been on this Merry-Go-Round most of my life. This addiction will never be over for me until I am 6 feet under and on may way to heaven. It takes work everyday to keep that Guard Up!! ( I just love that saying) But for me I have to wear the Armour at all times with a sword..Every time I turn around it seems like some one somewhere has scrips or a beer or something not natural in there hand or mouth. I know some really need there pain pills, and they can do them right..My hats off to them. I am dealing with three in my family dieing with cancer..Now we just got a call that my Hubs dad has 1 month because of brain cancer. I can handle this day by day. They all lived a good life. This is not my Triggers right now..There are a few more personal issues that are driving me crazy, but it is turning out for the best..I am really seeing some bad things right now, that I am staying away from, but it really does show me that I do not want to be like that anymore..I am done with the games, the money that gets spent..ALL The BS. I can not help any of my Friends or Family right now..I can only help myself and if this is being selfish then so be it..I want to Live...The best thing I have ever heard on here or anywhere in my life so far about this, is what IBKleen said in ABNs post..
I MIGHT HAVE ONE MORE RUN IN ME.. BUT I DO NOT HAVE ONE MORE RECOVERY!!!
Talk about a wake up call..That did it..THANK YOU IBKLEEN!!
Thanks Ang for this post too..I was going to do one, but just could not do it at this moment..You said it all..lol
We must keep marching on and keep our head high and never ever think we have this Beat..HA!!! That is when the beast will reach up and bite you right in the ash.
Bless Us ALL..WE ALL ARE IN THIS TOGETHER!!!!
Helpful - 0
5347058 tn?1381188426
Amen Vic! We will get through this. We have to.
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4522800 tn?1470325834
Yes we will..It is also a learning Process too!!! lol
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6109773 tn?1381071043
Congrats on keeping your guard up. Sorry that you had to go through that. Shady!!
Helpful - 0
4810126 tn?1503942735
Hey Angie! I'm so glad you posted & I'm truly proud of you (but then I always am.) As you know, you're in good (or bad) company as Dig & I are also going through it right now & I'd like to thank you for being there for me, too. You're so right about us being accountable to as many people as possible. I agree w/ you & Kyle that you need out of the relationship but I gotta' say that even when you get away from that stressor & are on your own, you're still left w/ yourself (the ultimate test!) In fact, I've been finding it more difficult on my own in some ways than before I broke up w/ my SO. In a way, b/c of his bad behavior, I had to play the 'straight' man. Now, it's all down to me but I'll find my way through this as I know you & Dig will. The important thing is to fight the urge to isolate when things get bad. Reach out, Reach out -- Guard Up, Guard Up!
Helpful - 0
5685035 tn?1423932969
Ang glad you hung up!!! PROUD of you
Helpful - 0
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