Guilt

[hope4good]

I am happy to say I have been clean for 3 1/2 months.  I am the happiest I have been in a very long time.  The main issue I am having now is guilt.  I feel so guilty for the things that I have done to my family and friends when I was not sober.  I was a awful mother, wife and friend.  I am just wondering if anyone else is dealing with or has dealt with guilt.

[bama88]

Guilt is a strong emotion. And you need to be proactive about it. You need to forgive yourself. What's done is done. You can't go back and change the past. One of the 12 steps of recovery is to make ammends of the people we hurt while using. this will help you bring much needed peace in your heart. I promise. its natural for us to feel guilty due to our actions. yet we've got to learn to accept what's done is over. I was very shameful and full of guilt for a long time. and my kids used it against me. I was manipulated by guilt until I forgave myself. then I moved forward and made big progress.

What good comes from guilt. its a very negative feeling. and it will go away if you let it.

[killerzoey]

I feel for you with this one. I have kids and while I kept our sh*t together (no small feat against these odds, but that's another Oprah), I wasn't fully present. And that *****. I guess we just have to be proud that we were strong enough to turn it around, and think of how it might have been if we had not. Take care and let's be gentle on ourselves. Not to be...that just invites more badness.

[clean_in_ks]

Guilt can only be a useful emotion if it causes us to CHANGE...and that is often painful....but once we start making choices that we don't have to feel guilty about....then growing THRU that process and the pain that accompanies it.... comes CLARITY and a new love for ourselves.  My guilt for choices made while using still rears its ugly head, too.  I cannot go BACK and change those....but I can change my future choices.  Forgiving ourselves is one of the hardest things to do.  But is the balm for our souls that can bring us a much desired peace~
"Do something today that your future self will thank you for"~
Blessings to you~  

[ActingBrandNew]

First off, congrats on the 3 1/2  months clean! That's great!

You want to know if anyone else is dealing with or has dealt with guilt...Yes and Yes.

Its funny that you bring this up because I was thinking about it yesterday which was my 3 years clean. I was thinking about how guilt lingers...even after all this time clean. Ive done some horrible things because of my addiction....I lost everything behind it...including my health. So, I still deal with guilt as well. But having said that, what I was thinking yesterday was how I used to use that guilt as an excuse or reason to get high.

Id get high...lie to my now ex-wife....who'd cry....which would make me feel guilty...and Id use because I didn't want to FEEL that guilt (an excuse) ...so Id again lie about that....which would make her cry again...which made me feel guilty and....you get the picture. Nasty cycle...

Looking back I realize...she didn't MAKE me feel anything...I made myself feel guilt by MY OWN actions. I was just always looking for an excuse to get high. So yeah, dealing with guilt in recovery is hard. Especially when your mind is still healing because it tries to trick you into going back to using over the guilt. Its just a nasty lie that makes things worse.

Guilt is natural if your a human with emotions. Especially if you have hurt others. Ive realized I can never take back anything Ive done, but I do try to make ammend's to those Ive harmed and live my life in a way that I don't hurt myself or others at all. It doesn't take the guilt away...but it dulls the sting when you do your part to make things right.

I guess, if your looking for advice...Id tell you when you feel grounded in your recovery enough, reach out to those you've harmed. And, do it one at a time. Don't overwhelm yourself. And, the reason I say make sure your grounded is because you may not get the answer your looking for or the kind reception that happens in a "perfect world". Be grounded so it doesn't send you off.

Hope you find some ways to ease your pain.
Take care :)

[Bkitty]

Congrats on your clean time!! Yes I know the guilt! The thing though is this,,if I let the guilt get to me its gonna kill me. Make amends. Take ownership of the things you did. Change. Make new memories and new beginnings. We cant take back what we did,,to ourselves or others. But we can change how we feel. Great Job! ((hugs))