This isn't a question, just some comments really. I was here a few months ago when I first realized I had a problem with the pain pills my doctor had prescribed for my back. Back then I was very ashamed that I had lied to him in order to get more drugs when I ran out early. This site helped me get the courage up to tell him, and my husband, what I'd done. Well, my doctor was very understanding, but all he did was lower my drug intake by putting me on the regular hydrocodone instead of Norco. I was supposed to try to taper off, and for awhile I did okay. Then when I was down to taking 4 or 5 pills a day, I just went nuts and started taking more again. Now I'm up to 12 to 13 pills a day which is way too much, especially for the tylenol content. I'm so scared. Since this all happened, my husband has been doling out my pills every day, but I always manage to find his hiding spots. I call for early refills because I'm "going out of town." My doctor is so helpful, he never questions anything! Lately I've been having thoughts of suicide, even though I don't think I'd ever actually go through with it. Before, my husband had a hard time understanding why I couldn't just quit. Well, I've tried, but it's obvious to me I'll never do it without help. I finally broke down tonight and wrote my husband a letter telling him what's been going on with me. I told him I need to get some help (rehab), and now I'm just sitting here at almost 5 AM waiting for him to wake up and be thoroughly disappointed in me. I don't even know if anyone is up reading what I'm writing, but I just had to get some of this off my chest. I can't do this anymore! It's wrecking my life. I hate going to work, I quit going to college to get my teaching degree, I have no desire to do anything and I can't enjoy anything unless I'm high. God, this is so depressing!