Harsh Responses

[Firefaery1023]

When I first started on this forum, I noticed that everyone was so nice.  I have noticed lately that some people have said some things that seem to be a little harsh to people that are trying to get off of their DOC.  I just wanted to let people know that everyone here is reaching out to get help and that we don't want to be turning people away when they are asking for help.  I am not sure if people mean to be harsh or if it just is hard to tell because it is over the computer.  Could we just read our responses before we post them to people's questions so that we don't turn anyone away?
Thanks!
Fire

[Firefaery1023]

Case in point hopsing94 is leaving for a few weeks because of people directing negative responses toward him.  I really hate seeing people leave that are here to get help!!!

[mimi1313]

Very well written, Fire. This is not like a conversation where things can be blurted out and not taken back. It is written and yes it can be misunderstood but if we took greater care in how we use our words we would have less drama and controversy.

[slk714]

ditto, well said

[Firefaery1023]

Thanks for the support!!  I just felt like 3 months ago when I joined people were a lot more understanding and caring.  I have noticed in the last month though a lot of people say that they needed to leave because they had tried to reach out for support, but had some harsh input towards their situations.

[sadinmichigan]

I agree...i know sometimes it's hard because the reader has different moods as well..and i think sometimes people lose site in thier enthusiasm to help that they come on too strong or forget how it was for them..especially when it comes to sub...people just have so much to say and alot is negative towards the person wanting help..

[puranx]

show some harsh responses...havent seen any. Also...umm guys notice everyones relapsing here and there after a week, after 2, after 5.. ITs not all butterflys and kisses, these people are fighting for there lives. Sometimes the truth hurts but it also heals. Im not talking calling people names or weak or anything like that but speaking the truth, not sugar coating it. I would never want my @ss kissed or sugar coated. I relapse i expect and HOPE you guys give it to me good. Give an example of negetive response?

[mimi1313]

I think there is a way to voice your opinion and not hurt feelings or alienate anyone and that has not been the tone of this forum for quite some time.

I know we are all in different stages and in early stages  we can react more emotionally but people also need to realize words can hurt and we need to treat each other with care.

[Firefaery1023]

I agree people seem to attack sub quickly.  Most people here that are trying sub have tried several times to get clean without it and feel this is the way to go for them.  The way I see it, if people are trying to get help, who are we to judge.

[Friend999]

Fire,

I must admit, I really had not noticed what you are saying, lately anyway.  There have been some "harsh" responses in the past, some that got a few people ticked off.

Nevertheless, your post is well taken, and I'm sure it will be a reminder to all who post that the goal is to help, assist, comfort, provide support, and try to give answers. Turning someone away, I'm sure, would be the last thing anyone would want.


Of the two forums I read consistantly, this one is definitely the most active, with the most responses, and probably the most lurkers.  The other post has wonderful people on, just as this one does, but less of them.

Friend999

[Firefaery1023]

It isn't that we don't want you to tell them how it it, people need to hear the truth.  More of when we are mean to them about how much medication they were taking or that they relapsed.  We need to encourage people to get up there and fight and not put them down!

[GoingToMakeIt]

Well said.

[Mikeinthesouth]

And just remember the majority here are addicts as I speak for myself an addict but I do know that diversity make the world go around and feel open minded to alot. I hate when their are people who believe their way the only road to the destination but I ignore those after taking all into consideration and examing the way it is written or the like. Please anyone who feels pushed away don't let one or two bad apples ruin the whole package for you. Remember we are here for ourselves as well as each other. Mike

[Mikeinthesouth]

Exactly what fire said who are we to judge. I for sure will not throw the first stone...

[Firefaery1023]

Thanks for the added input!  We are all different and some people do think that their way is the only way to go.  I know that I went c/t and relapsed a few times before it had stuck for me.  I could never taper but some that works for and some of us need to use sub.  There are different solutions for each one of us and we all need to remember we are either here to get help or give support and some sort of way.  Most of us are addicts of something if we are here.

[oxyaddict420]

Knowone needs to show you proof or examples of this happening!  So many people see this happen and even go through it.  Just because you feel that being harsh is a good way to get through to someone does not mean that it is the best way for others.  

It seems that most others agree with the original post, As I...  This is my first post on here for about 2 months just in part of the fact of people just bashing one another!  It sickens me how vulgar and explicit people can be to others that are sick.  I hope that everyone searching for help gets what they need.  

Take care.. Will

[sadinmichigan]

well said Mike..!!! There are many roads to the goal..

Puranx- i really doubt the majority of the people on this site don't already know that it isn't a bed of roses..pretty much we all know that already..and we all know the truth about being an addict. many of us have seen the light already on that one..

[Mikeinthesouth]

I agree to an extent with you in having to be truthful as I don't want sugar coating if this were the case you guys tell me I will feel better today on day 7. Yes and I agree we are all trying to keep from going down for the third time and it is life or death for me too. Here's where I feel a bit different some people are not as ready for truth or for ones opinion I can only speak for myself. I have read many post and don't reply on the ones I don't feel I should as I don't agree with their opinion so I can't say something acceptable so I shut up and keep my opinion to myself. I believe we all have the common sense to feel by the posts of these peoples nature and not to be to harsh as it is a touchy situation getting clean. Opinion= ones own thoughts for the best route to the goal Experience ones own method to the point. I have never used subs so I can't talk of them and I have strongly thought of them as an option and will if I use again. It is worth my life.... Love to each and every one of you guys here....

[poetrygirl1960]

Not sugar coating is all well and good, but throwing manure all over it isn't necessarily a good idea either.  There is a way of showing tough love, and being brutally honest without being actually "brutal" if you have a little thing called tact.  Getting a point across is the key, and can be accomplished without being hateful.

[puranx]

sorry guys but its the internet and your airing your dirty laundry, kids can come here, aholes can come here and will. You never know whos gonna attack. You gotta have thick skin on the net. Take what you want, ignore the rest. People are aholes esp on the net because theres no responsability and there keyboard heros. I would never be harsh, i was asking to see what harsh is and who the offenders are to watch for it, not cause i dont think its happening. I seen mostly positive here 99% of time and the stuff you guys consider harsh might be something i didnt thats all.

[cathy5841]

okay, here comes my 2 cents.  this place has gotten outta hand with the negative air.  people are just saying things on here to get a rise out of others.  and that is jud plain bs...when i cam e here IB  was here and when she opened her mouth(keyboard)..it was not all nice nice, but it was compassionate. didnt matter how many times she had to tell you.  she was kind.  i have been accused of being to nice and not telling ppl like it is.  when i am on this open forum i am kind to ppl and offer support to them anyway i can.  and my friends list can attest to that.  BUT, when it comes to getting tough i can do that too.  i just choose to do it kindly...and in a pm.  AINT THAT RIGHT MIKE!!!  there is no need to humiliate pll on this forum and i have seen alot of it lately.  i totally agree with fire.  ppl, the last thing i needed in the throws of wds, was someone telling me i deserved it.  hell, i was hurting, i wanted somebody anybody to tell me it gets better.  so, bottomline...if you arent being nice on here, we are coming after you.  i am personally tired of ppl being a@@e@.  i have had it.
thanks for you time
cathy

[mimi1313]

Excellent post Cathy!!

[sadinmichigan]

ok..heres some honesty for you...you calling people guilty and accusing them of running away..that is not helpful..i am so glad you are so non guilty about your own addiction..guilt is part of realizing you are an addict..there is nothing wrong with guilt unless you never get past it..there are people in all stages of addiction and from all walks of life..yes this is the internet but most people aren't on this site for kicks and just to be rude. Because someones feelings have been hurt doesn't mean they are guilty and running or weak..we all have lives outside of this forum and people are going through other things as well..not everyone feels so strong all the time..glad you do

[avisg]

Overall most of the responses to posts I have seen are very supprtive .We have a wonderful group of people on the forum. If we can remeber when we post  as corny as this may sound treat others like we like to be treated .I think posting will stay right on track.

[hopsing94]

AMEN sisters