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An introduction
Hello. My name is Kent, and I have been lurking on this site for quite a while, and I decided now would be a good time for me to come out of the shadows
Let me first give you a brief history of my life: I am 43 years old, and have been using (and abusing) drugs since I was around 16. I tried many different drugs, and although I enjoy them all, my Drug of Choice, without question, is prescription painkillers. About ten years ago I was diagnosd with idiopathic peripheral neuropathy, a very painful and all together unpleasant problerm. A health problem I will have the rest of my life, which is only going to get worse over time. And there is no cure.
And having peripheral neuropathy has also enabled me to obtain large quantities of drugs, to suppoirt my growing habit. I have tried to quit many times. I have been through multiple ************** programs, even some really nice in-patient drug centers. As they say, it is easy to get clean, The hard point is staying clean, which I have not been able to do. In 2001 things got REALLY out of control. I got up to an 800mg a day OxyContin habit, and the only way I could continue having such a huge habit was to get my drugs illegally. I began forging prescriptions, and I got away with it for a while. But eventually I got caught, caught with a 7 count felony indictment. We are talking serious stuff here. End result: Even though I had a totally clean record, my judge (who was close to becoming a federal judge) wanted to make an example out of me. To show that he was "tough on crime".
My sentence: 17 months of incarceration in the Ohio prison systen
I was sentenced to 17 months of incarceration in the Ohio Prison system, and let me tell you is was NOT a fun to be
But then I did got caught. And even though I did not have any sort of criminal history. My serntence: 17 MONTHS
, I ended up spending 17 months in prison.
When I got out, I tried to get my life back together. I moved in with my Mom, and I got a job. Things were OK. But my Nueropathy was getting worse and worse, and I finally ended up back on painkillers. Since then I have been a functional drug addict. But the drugs have taken a toll. They have caused physical problems, psychological problems, and, yes, spiritual problems. Something had to change.
So I have been repeating the cycle we all know so well. Binging, then withdrawing, and then just when things are looking up, bam, another binge.. I could not break myself from this cycle. I was seeing a therapist who told me about Suboxon. I know about methadone, I know about trading one addiction for another. But he told me that sub was different. I told him I would think about it.
Then, a tragedy hit. My Mom, who I was continue to live with, was diagnosed with late stage lung cancer. And suddenly, there were huge quantities of drugs in my house. Hundreds of 80mg Oxys, liquid morphine, dilaudids, Percosets, I knew that the only way I could make it though is by getting onto long term Sub. This was around August of 2007, so a little over a year.
And being on subs saved me from being in a position of stealing huge amounts of drugs from my Mom. Even on sub, I relapsed more than once. But it was not like it could of been. I started at 16mg of sub, and got as high as 40mg a day. So I have taken a lot of suboxon.over a long period of time.
This last winter was hell ... watching my Mom being in tremedous pain, the agony she felt. And it was so hard to take care of her. Finally, on April 5th, my Mom Beverly Summers passed away and is no, thankfully, at rest.
And now I am left with picking up all the broken pieces. And it has not been easy, to say the least.
Through this time period, incidently, I applied for Social Security Disability and it was approved the first time, which I guess is pretty rare thing. Maybe my mom, up there in heaven reunited with her husband (and my Father) Sanford, asked my higher power to hear my prayers. So at least that has been taken care of. And now I am going to have to figure out how I can live the next 20 years or so being in chronic severe pain and not be treating the pain with narcotics.
My health insurance runs out in February, so I need to try and be done with the suboxon by then. I am now down to 16mg a day, which is a lot less than I was taking, but it is still a pretty big dose. I need to continue to taper off these next five months, and I am not sure I can make it. I just lost my Mom. And these upcoming holidays are going to be really tough.
I have been reading a lot of your posts, and I have read many, many people having such a bad withdrawal from Suboxon. You guys have me pretty freaked out about the whole thing. So we shall wait and see how it goes.
I don't regret going onto sub. If I hadn't, then I am 100% sure I would have stolen a lof of drugs from my mom. Stealing drugs from your dying mother ... It doesn't get much lower than that. But that is where I would have been.
So when I see my doctor on Thursday we are going to talk about whether I am ready for another drop, down to 1.5mg. I am not really sure about that.
I just wanted to introduce myself. I know there are a lot of loving, kind, compassionate people on this board, and I am sure times will come soon where I am going to need all the help I can get. And who knows, maybe a year from, now I will be the person that might be able to share my experience, strength, and hope with someone else.
Thanks for reading this far ... I temd to rample, especially when I am feeling good. And right now, all things considered, I am doing really well. But that can and does change frequently. That is what happens to a person who screws up thier brain chemistry for years and years. It is going to take time. But I know in my heart that it will be worth out.
So, again, my name is Kent. And I look forward to being an active member of this board,.
Kent
Let me first give you a brief history of my life: I am 43 years old, and have been using (and abusing) drugs since I was around 16. I tried many different drugs, and although I enjoy them all, my Drug of Choice, without question, is prescription painkillers. About ten years ago I was diagnosd with idiopathic peripheral neuropathy, a very painful and all together unpleasant problerm. A health problem I will have the rest of my life, which is only going to get worse over time. And there is no cure.
And having peripheral neuropathy has also enabled me to obtain large quantities of drugs, to suppoirt my growing habit. I have tried to quit many times. I have been through multiple ************** programs, even some really nice in-patient drug centers. As they say, it is easy to get clean, The hard point is staying clean, which I have not been able to do. In 2001 things got REALLY out of control. I got up to an 800mg a day OxyContin habit, and the only way I could continue having such a huge habit was to get my drugs illegally. I began forging prescriptions, and I got away with it for a while. But eventually I got caught, caught with a 7 count felony indictment. We are talking serious stuff here. End result: Even though I had a totally clean record, my judge (who was close to becoming a federal judge) wanted to make an example out of me. To show that he was "tough on crime".
My sentence: 17 months of incarceration in the Ohio prison systen
I was sentenced to 17 months of incarceration in the Ohio Prison system, and let me tell you is was NOT a fun to be
But then I did got caught. And even though I did not have any sort of criminal history. My serntence: 17 MONTHS
, I ended up spending 17 months in prison.
When I got out, I tried to get my life back together. I moved in with my Mom, and I got a job. Things were OK. But my Nueropathy was getting worse and worse, and I finally ended up back on painkillers. Since then I have been a functional drug addict. But the drugs have taken a toll. They have caused physical problems, psychological problems, and, yes, spiritual problems. Something had to change.
So I have been repeating the cycle we all know so well. Binging, then withdrawing, and then just when things are looking up, bam, another binge.. I could not break myself from this cycle. I was seeing a therapist who told me about Suboxon. I know about methadone, I know about trading one addiction for another. But he told me that sub was different. I told him I would think about it.
Then, a tragedy hit. My Mom, who I was continue to live with, was diagnosed with late stage lung cancer. And suddenly, there were huge quantities of drugs in my house. Hundreds of 80mg Oxys, liquid morphine, dilaudids, Percosets, I knew that the only way I could make it though is by getting onto long term Sub. This was around August of 2007, so a little over a year.
And being on subs saved me from being in a position of stealing huge amounts of drugs from my Mom. Even on sub, I relapsed more than once. But it was not like it could of been. I started at 16mg of sub, and got as high as 40mg a day. So I have taken a lot of suboxon.over a long period of time.
This last winter was hell ... watching my Mom being in tremedous pain, the agony she felt. And it was so hard to take care of her. Finally, on April 5th, my Mom Beverly Summers passed away and is no, thankfully, at rest.
And now I am left with picking up all the broken pieces. And it has not been easy, to say the least.
Through this time period, incidently, I applied for Social Security Disability and it was approved the first time, which I guess is pretty rare thing. Maybe my mom, up there in heaven reunited with her husband (and my Father) Sanford, asked my higher power to hear my prayers. So at least that has been taken care of. And now I am going to have to figure out how I can live the next 20 years or so being in chronic severe pain and not be treating the pain with narcotics.
My health insurance runs out in February, so I need to try and be done with the suboxon by then. I am now down to 16mg a day, which is a lot less than I was taking, but it is still a pretty big dose. I need to continue to taper off these next five months, and I am not sure I can make it. I just lost my Mom. And these upcoming holidays are going to be really tough.
I have been reading a lot of your posts, and I have read many, many people having such a bad withdrawal from Suboxon. You guys have me pretty freaked out about the whole thing. So we shall wait and see how it goes.
I don't regret going onto sub. If I hadn't, then I am 100% sure I would have stolen a lof of drugs from my mom. Stealing drugs from your dying mother ... It doesn't get much lower than that. But that is where I would have been.
So when I see my doctor on Thursday we are going to talk about whether I am ready for another drop, down to 1.5mg. I am not really sure about that.
I just wanted to introduce myself. I know there are a lot of loving, kind, compassionate people on this board, and I am sure times will come soon where I am going to need all the help I can get. And who knows, maybe a year from, now I will be the person that might be able to share my experience, strength, and hope with someone else.
Thanks for reading this far ... I temd to rample, especially when I am feeling good. And right now, all things considered, I am doing really well. But that can and does change frequently. That is what happens to a person who screws up thier brain chemistry for years and years. It is going to take time. But I know in my heart that it will be worth out.
So, again, my name is Kent. And I look forward to being an active member of this board,.
Kent
Welcome to the forum. ITs a great place for help and support. You have been threw so much and i am very sorry about your Mom. When you are ready there are so mnay here to help. Stay strong and best of luck to you.
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