I can not believe I'm alive....Hope

[DarkEyedCreature]

I did it. I am here, alive and 9 frickin months clean!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I remember how desperate I used to be when I came on here.

I was on 95mg of methadone daily, well that's what the clinc thought. Whenever I got take-homes, I double dosed, and got more on the side.

I also was popping bennzos like candy. I would go through 90 xanax in a couple days. Really. Speaking valium, I took 60/10mg in 2 days.

I went to jail on Nov. 5th 2012. It was an agonizing HELL! Looking back, I know I would have been dead if I wasn't arrested that day. There is hope for all!

With compassion,

Me :)

[weaver71]

I felt better at 4 months, I felt good at ten months. My memory is a little foggy, but I checked my journal. I should have been more clear headed. It keeps getting better, so it's hard to say a specific time that I felt awesome. I do remember 13 months though, about a month ago, just before my last bipolar cycle, I felt the best I ever have in my life. I felt love and loved in a new way. I felt caring and cared for, like everything was fitting into place. Those moments are priceless and am searching for them all the time. I'm trying to collect a whole brain full of good memories.

[ROSYouralright]

Congrats to you my friend ❕❗ nine months is truly something to be proud of ❕❗ sometimes God has to do something drastic to get our attention.ie: jail. I'm so glad you are alive and well. Now you can help people with the knowledge and experience you have gained. Keep on keeping on my friend

[EvolverU]

Nine months Weaver? (You told me 4 mos. ages ago...Tricky you are! [laughing]) I'm looking forward to 9 mos. now. (A month is a lot less than it was back then!) Thanks.

[weaver71]

I have mad respect for anyone who gets off drugs, opiates especially, and methadone in particular. Keep sharing your story and inspiring people. Never stop growing and get used to those natural highs, lots more aheaded yo way.

9 months was when I finally started to feel better. Right On!

[Ballgame]

Nice job!
Assuming you were stealing. Only ask because we've been getting some pharma forgeries lately.
Proud of you. It's nice to see/hear success stories. Keep it up!!!

[EvolverU]

Hey, I'm one week shy of 8 mos. clean off 20 yrs of Methadone & 30+ off H but everyone ahead of me & behind me is an inspiration. I hear you on being a different person (benzos are particularly heinous for that & for the getting arrested thing -- my ex is into them & that's why he's my ex..well, one of the reasons, anyway!)

Thanks for sharing your 9 mos. with us! I'm grateful to you.

[HappyDays2Come]

Wow what a powerful testimony! Thank you for sharing your experience and congratulations on 9 months clean! That is amazing and you should feel so proud of yourself! You are truly an inspiration.

[DarkEyedCreature]

Sorry, I am on a high today -- a natrual one. Weird. I have to get used to these.

I am proud of you who are still on here struggling. Your being on here says to me that you care, and in 9 months you could be posting the same post.

These kind of posts used to bother me because I felt like it would never be done and drugs would be the death of me. I passed out in court and all kinds of crazy things happened while on them. I was 30 with no criminal record, by the time I was 31, I had felonies. They changed me into someone I'm not. Now, I am still paying the price for drugs.

Don't let them bring you to rock bottom. Ttry to fix this now. If you are at rock bottom, you can still claw your way out. At the top, you will come out with more strength and knowledge about life then you ever can imagine,

[DarkEyedCreature]

Thanks sweetheart :) It kills me to see that, too!! I felt that way. I mean, my CT could have killed me with all the benzos I was on... they had me on the highest amount of seizure meds they could give in jail bc I had 3 in one day! I still have to take them. My nervous system is fried and I still can't sleep. I know it's a process, and even with all that being said, I am still better than I was by far.

If you are on so many drugs you think it will kill you to CT, contact your doctor and get medical supervision! However, most CT's won't kill you! Mine was dangerous, but I think I would have lived.

I am proud of you!

[EvolverU]

I hear you! I kicked both & I agree that benzos are horrible but so then was the M'done! Again, massive respect to you on both counts. (It kills me when I see people write/say that c/t will kill you!) You never know how strong you can be til it comes down to the crunch, eh?

I keep my mugshut to remind myself how bad I looked and how beautiful I am now :)

Rock on!

[DarkEyedCreature]

Thank you all. You are 100% right about the benzo effects lingering and not so much the m'done. I got on benzos trying to get off oxys, then m'done and we all see where that led. Yes, it was pure hell!!! I didn't have a choice until day 19 in jail. My dad was there to pick me up. I was yelling so loud because I heard his voice outside my pod. I told him NOT to get me. I was so surprised I had that in me. The girls in jail gave me a lot of respect. From jail, I went to a 21 day rehab. It was heart-renching to be away from my little children. I blamed doctors for addicting me. I had intense surgeries, and I pretty much was getting 60 10mg oxy's every 3 days.

I am still reading in here that " cold turkey will kill me." No, it won't. Gather up all the strength you have and do it. You wouldn't be here if you didn't want it. Get yourself ready. Say your bitter-sweet goodbye to the high, and then start recovering.

My mom cried when she saw me at jail. Not because I was there, but because I looked like myself for the first time.in a long time. I keep my mugshut to remind myself how bad I looked and how beautiful I am now :)

Thank you all for the support <3

[EvolverU]

Man,....Benzos & M'done!! (Rough, rough!) -- A hearty Well Done & Congrats on your 9 mos! Don't ever look back.  All Good Things Your Way!

[ariley13]

Congratulations on your 9 months clean!! I am so glad that you got this opportunity. Thank you for sharing your inspiring story. Keep up all of the hard work. Here's to many more months and soon years clean, sober, and happy! :)

[ricart70]

so happy for you !!!  awesome post great job friend !!!!  ;))))))))))))))))

[Rubber_Duck_Dog_Bone_in_the_pool_WhyNow]

Welcome back and welcome back to the new you... the one that you loved the most.  :-)

[VICourageous]

Great Job. I came off the Methadone and 2 other meds c/t.. I will tell you that the Methadone was not so much the "lingering on" forever in my detox; I know it was the Benzo. SO I am very proud of you because I know what h**l you had to have gone through..Heck almost 11 m it took me to turn the best corner yet!! VERY PROUD OF YOU!!!!
Bless

[toothfairie]

Congrats on 9 months!!  I am 9 months clean as well off hydros!  way to go! and thanks for posting!!  

[DarkEyedCreature]

oops! Nov. 15th! So technically, a few hours for the count.