Helping my spouse

[movnon]

As most of you know I have 9 days clean, still not feeling great but it is getting better. My H is still taking pills. We agreed we couldn't wd at the same time because of our kids. I am holding his pills (I know, huge test for someone with only a week clean) but I have never wanted anything so badly so on my worst days when the racing thought would start, just a quarter of a pill to ease the pain, I would get up, get busy. I have done better than I ever thought I could because I have had the support of this forum. It is now time for my husband to do it and he says he wants it and so we are doing a quick taper. I gave him his 90mg morphine tab and he took it at 11 and by 6 he was sweating. I am afraid he will get access pills elsewhere so I am watching the money but he owns his own business and could write himself a check without me knowing. His addiction goes back 10 years although he was not a daily user until about the same time I started. I think we should go the suboxone route for him but not sure. He says he wants this and I want to believe him so I am giving him a chance. He has very few pills left and he says he is done and I want to believe him but I know how hard it is and how many time I wanted to quit. I could use some advice and help.

[movnon]

Thanks for your replies. KNB, it takes a whole lot of determination as I am sure you know being around it. My DOC was lorcets not morphine which is what he is tapering off of. The money is huge to me, a thousand dollars a month gone, every month, that's 12,000 a year! That alone makes me say no more but it still took 3 1/2 years for me to quit although I didn't become a daily user until a little over a year ago. I am weak and truthfully after feeling so horrible I dread it for him but I can't do it for him. He says it will be so much easier to stop without me asking daily for meds but I just don't know. I still have a way to go, over most of the physical stuff but now dealing with the mental. I don't know what the future holds or if he can, if he will, if he wants it as bad as I do. I think he does but its just so much to deal with right now. It is time to close this chapter in our lives for sure. I am gonna fight like h*ll for this because I know I deserve it and that it will be worth it.

[kmb22]

first off you should be EXTREMELY proud of yourself.  i am on day 19 right now and for this whole 19 days i have been surrounded by the same blue devils that got me in to this mess.  my roomate deals them and does them like he's popping jolly ranchers, but up his nose or in his veins.  having that sort of catalyst put me to the test BIG TIME, but like you  i have never wanted something so badly.  i even went to the dr.'s today and she was going to prescribe me something for my pain (i have crohn's disease and since i have been off of the pills, i have had several severe attacks) and i said NO.  

so first off you should pat yourself on the back and then.

it's very hard to have your partner let alone your husband be addicted as well, my boyfriend still does them and i have extreme feelings of jealousy, so again job well done, i don't know how you do it, how you hand them to him.  

if you HAVE to go the sub route, then do it, but it would be so much better if you didn't have to, since we all know that will just be trading one addiction for another.

i would sit down with your husband before you start his detox and have a very open conversation, in this delicate time, make him know that honesty is the most important thing.  if he slips up HE NEEDS TO TELL YOU.  don't start on the hiding stuff from each other road.  

and maybe some counseling together.

the one thing i have learned through all of this is you really really have to want to quit.  let him know how much you love him and that you want a better life for him and you and be patient, as i'm sure you will, seeing how you went through exactly what he will be going through.

and don't be hard on yourself, it is going to take months to get back to normal....but think months, in a lifetime that you can actually now enjoy through sober eyes.

GOOD LUCK HUN!

[gizzy32]

This must be so tough, your just at the start of your recovery and trying to help someone else with theirs, that can be dangerous, but I guess you don't have much choice. I hope he makes the jump off everything and both of you looking into some type of aftercare, it can do wonders. When one partner is using and the other has stopped, it can be an enormous trigger and so hard to stay clean. Are you still gonna go to the N/A meeting? Good luck, I think your doing so good:)

[worried878]

dunno...seems like u have control,,but at a week u still have some mental challenges to come...if he does not seek aftercare he probably will not make it//maybe he will//chance r he will not...aftercare would help u as well....not sure how long u used...but taking charge of anothers addiction right now at a week clean seems like it would be hard...be sure u have charge of ur own as well

what was ur doc and daily dose?  how long?  and his?   suboxone may be the route for him...but he will still have to do the work//sub will help skip wds but it will not make him clean//only he can do that...and it comes from deep within

Perhaps have hiim/and urself go to some sort of aftercare....see how he does..if he is sneakin around using//u will know..but all the while u gotta look out for ur own cleandom as well...focusing on urself is important..he is ur hubby//so caring is good//great!  watching out for him is a noble thing...just remeber u r freshly clean..a week is great!  and congrats...but u r not there yet...u both need to work hard and support each other