How to deal?

[Jeni1182]

So i have been reading this forum for a while now, and have just now decided to post.  I have been taking hydro's for close to 2 years now and so has my husband.  i am on day 4 of being clean and hope to have many more to follow.  i tapered down this time, and did find it much easier.  i have to admit that i wasn't taking that many to begin with though.  i have (according to my dr's) a sensitivity to narcotics, they make me very sick if i take to much.  so much so that when i first started taking the vics for my back i could only take a half of a 500!  but that half of a 500 would make me feel the same as when my husband would take 5-500s at once.  i should have known from the beginning that just being so sensitive to them i should be careful.  but i didn't and i was taking 4-1000's a day just a few weeks ago.  

anyways, that's not my question.  my husband is my question.  he was taking 10-15 1000's a day when sh*t hit the fan.  i knew he was taking them, it wasn't a secret.  but i was high too so i didn't care.  then i found out that he had sold ALOT of his stuff to buy them, had borrowed money from everyone we know, and had stopped paying some of our bills.  that's when i said, we're done with these evil pills.  and we started to taper.  

he is still tapering because he took so much more than me.  but he is down to taking 3-1000's a day (so he says) but i am finding it VERY hard to believe him.  he just told me this morning that he took an extra 2 last night at like 4am because his neck was hurting so bad he couldn't sleep.  i know he has arthritis in his neck and sometimes it hurts him pretty bad, but i said what are you going to do when you quit.  you can't just take the f-ing things anytime you are hurting.  you have to find a different way to deal with it.  i don't even know if he was really in pain or if the addict side of him just wanted to take more.  i KNOW how much he will be hurting when he quits.  and i know he is scared to stop taking them.  and i am trying to sympathize with him, but i'm trying to be clean.  and he's p*ssing me off.  i feel like i can't be with him when he is taking the pills still.  he swears he is going to continue tapering and he wants to taper down to only taking 1 a day at night before he quits.  so he has 3 weeks left.  but i am finding it really hard to believe him.  he is an addict and i know how he is thinking.  if he can just keep taking them for a little longer it will be okay and he just keeps telling himself that.  but i feel like he's never going to really quit.  i'm trying to be supportive but it's hard when i've already stopped taking them and i just want him to do the same.  does anyone have any idea how i should deal with this situation?

[sweatinit]

Hi Jeni,

What everyone has said here is true. PLease keep something in mind though...while I was getting clean (my husband still uses) I couldnt even look at my husband! I had so mych anger and resentment for the fisrt 2 weeks i wanted to spit! But as time went on, I started taking care of me and I am no longer worried about what he does. Our marriage isnt perfect by any means. Try and give it a little time. Your emoitions are most likely a little out whack right now.

Take care of yourself. Kathy xxoo

[troubleinohio]

the pain he is feeling right now is exagerrated pain...he is already in WD (if he is really tapering the way he says he is). ONce you get totally off the narcs, the pain will subside to a more tolerable level in a high % of people.  A lot of people dont realize that, and when they are in WD, the high level of pain freaks them out and they think "oh hell no, i aint gonna live with this pain the rest of my life!" and they go back to taking them again, without realizing if they had waited a little while longer, that those exagerrated high pain levels were only part of WD and would be much better after some time! I have been through it many many times. I am a vicodin addict too. I also have a bad back. Ive been clean again over 220+ days now (I made it almost a year clean too before i relapsed). I had been doing pretty well with my bad back with the exception of some bad attacks. one of which i just had that started about 2 weeks ago. HORRIFIC pain, took me out for a long tiem and i just thought I might relapse it hurt so bad. BUt i made it through. it was hell but i did it.  I hope your husband can manage to quit...and btw at this point...i think his taper is being dragged out too long and wont make much difference if he jumped off CT right now...3 pills a day vs 1 pill a day arent much of a difference IMO... I would encourage him to just jump off now... good luck to you guys and congrats on your 4 days! keep us posted

[witsend0603]

I will be real honest with you... to tell the truth .. neither me or my husband either one wanted to quit ... but knew we needed to ... I know alot of advice will say that you will quit when you want to .. I guess in my case the need was stronger than the want.. but after we did.. that's when the want came in.. we realized we were happier without them and that's what keeps the want going.. if you can get him to read any of the posts tell him to read this one and let him know that there is someone here who has done the exact same thing under similar circumstances... and I can tell you the after effects are much better than the crap you are living in now.... believe me I know cause I have been there... you can pm me anytime if you want to talk or just vent

[Jeni1182]

i really do want to support him and i am so proud of him for dropping down to only 3 a day, but i almost feel like he doesn't really want to quit.  and i know if he doesn't WANT to, he won't do it.  i feel like he is continueing to taper because he still gets to take some and he thinks it will keep me from leaving him because he wont quit.  i know that if he is going to continue to take them and not try to quit, i can't be with him.  i can't be around it.  i do feel like i should give him the benefit of the doubt and wait to see if he continues to taper.  but there are times when i'm ready to throw all his stuff out of the house because he gets a phone call from someone looking for pills or he's calling everyone looking for his pills for the day.  we have no script for them, so the amount of money being spent on these pills is enough to end our marriage alone.  i just don't know if i'm feeling this way towards him because i'm not taking them anymore or if i really feel this way.  

[witsend0603]

I understand where you are coming from... but I know in my situation.. my husband and I quitting together is what made us make the change... supporting each other is what helped us get through it all ... I know everyone is different but focusing on him and his recovery seemed to help me in my own.. but that could be just me.. I don't know

[Jebs317]

Hey there,
  I am reading your post and the whole time I keep thinking.......she has to worry about herself first.  I know that he is your husband and you love him and are concerned....but....if you are going to get clean it's going to take every ounce of your energy and will power to get there and stay there.  I just think if you are able to get clean, you will be more helpful to him in the long run.  He needs to take responsibility and own up to his own addiction....you can't do it for him.  If you were taking less and he sees that you are suffering less, he may resent that.  Resentment could turn into him saying "f*** it.....I am taking them again."  
My advice to you would be to keep going...you have 4 days already!!  That's awesome!!  Now that you will begin thinking with a clear head again....things will begin to come to the surface...(money he spent, things he sold.....)  You can deal with that when you have to, for now you need to concentrate on you!
Take care and be very proud of yourself!!!
(I am on day 23 and it feels great!)

[witsend0603]

I can completely understand everything you are going thru... me and my husband both quit at the same time.. Lortab 10/500.. we were up to taking like anywhere from 6-8 per day each... we quit together .. cold turkey.. we don't have the will power to taper.. so for that I give you your props.. that takes alot of will power to do ... I know if we had them in the house we would take them.. my husband has had back surgery and has alot of scar tissue and also nerve damage but he has told me since we quit that his pain isn't nearly as bad now as it was when we were taking the pills... I also have artheritis in my knees and have noticed that I too don't have as much pain anymore.. maybe you could show this post to your husband and let him read.. I know it is tough when there are 2 doing the same thing .... again.. I was there.. but it is amazing how alieve or ibuprofen help when you quit taking these little devils.. the pain will not immediately go away but with some time it will ease up .. my husband goes to his chiropractor now on a regular basis to actually fix the problem rather than masking it with a pill... you can do this with alot of strength.. I just knew my marriage was worth more than these pills.. tell your husband to read.. it took my husband some time to start reading some posts but once he did it turned a light on for him and we are now completely clean... best of luck and let me know if I can help in any way...