Here we go again! This is it!

[Secrets-Lies]

Ok so I've been here before.  I've been getting my Tramadol on line for the last 5 years after about a 5 year addiction started from a legit doc before that.  I've been taking 20 pills -1000mg pills a day for a year.  I've always gone cold turkey and went through the most extreme hell and felt like I was going to die of course.  I recently went to a Med Clinic with the flu and the doc said there was a large amount of blood in my urine.  I've been hearing this for a few years every time I go to the doc with a sinus infection or cold and It's starting to REALLY freak me out that I am killing myself.  I asked the doc why there was so much blood and he said "cause something is bleeding" (he was a sarcastic ***) but now I can't get it out of my head.  I picture my insides bleeding and me burning a hole in my own stomach.  So... I'm tapering this time. I've never read any posts on here where someone was taking as much as me, so I wasn't sure how to do it.  I went down to 10 pills 500mg day before yesterday and I def feel it.  It's what I would call mild compared to my cold turkey experiences.  I'm just gonna take it slow and easy this time.  Not exactly sure how this will go, I'm gonna let my body tell me.  I will keep posting daily if anyone is interested in my progress or going through the same thing.  So, lets see, this morning, cold sweat, stiff muscles, tingly skin.  Gonna get in the shower and get to work, we'll see how it goes and I will keep a diary for anyone that would like to follow or would like to give me some advice or words of encouragement. Thanks to everyone!

[Devonlee]

I think it would be a great idea to see a psychiatrist or therapist!  Care is care no matter if its meeting or therapy. Good luck!

[Secrets-Lies]

Aftercare, duringcare, lol yeah a lot of thought. I know I need help. Mostly with the phycological withdrawl. My reason for taking it was that I knida looked at it as an "anti-depressant" that's what I would tell myself. Having said that I'm afraid of the reality that awaits me when I'm clear and sober. The last few times I tried NA and that was NOT right for me at all. I had nothing in common w anyone there, except for the obvious. I wasn't there by court order or anything. I haven't "lost everthing" like most at the meetings. I'm an exrtremely high functioing addict. I'm attractive, successful, popular, respected. If they only new the "Secrets and Lies" even my Husband has NO idea. He would leave me if he found out I was using again. He thinks I've been clean for 2 years. Yup, a 20 pill a day habit right under his nose. I'm thinking this time it should be a medical doctor, a phyciatrist. I saw a phyc for about d years, many years agoand it helped me a lot. I'm thinkin this is the way to go again, unless u hv any other suggestions. Oh and thank u so much for response!

[dominosarah]

You need to find out what is going on with the blood in the urine.  Tapering down on the tramadol is a must so am glad to see you are doing that.  Have you given any thought to aftercare?

[0421]

I hope you get that checked out, I had high liver enzyems and that scared me I have had another blood test and they moved down a little but I am doing good and hope in 2 more months on the next test they will  be normal. So just cutting down for you should help, but I used to work for an uroligiest, and blood in the urine always means something so have it checked please. Good luck and you can do this, prayers to you

[Devonlee]

Have u ever been checked for the bleeding? Any tests done? I would definitely do that along with ur taper. It something that should also be addressed....I wish you the best of luck with everything! pls get checked tho.