Aa
Used to be cassie415 - free from oxycontin, my story
To anyone who remebers, I was on this site a few years ago as cassie415, I made a new screen name and wanted to post an update.
I started using oxycontin three years ago. That drug got ahold of me and blindsided me in a way I could never have imagined. I didn't think the horror stories of addiction were possible for me. How wrong I was. By the end, I was snorting and smoking 4-6 80's a day, spending all my money on it almost two hundred a day, waking up in the morning sick in opiate withdrawals. It had completely taken control of my life, and I had become a shell of a person. Completely empty, hopeless, worthless, miserable, the life had been sucked out of me. I used to numb myself from the world, to put up walls between myself and people, to escape, to cope, to answer to nobody, to care about nothing. I thought that was freedom, again, how wrong I was.
Anyways I tried to get off oxycontin for a long time using this site. I kept relapsing because I was acting on will power and hoping I could do it on my own. I never surrendered to how powerful this disease is. I thought I knew everything, but I knew nothing. At some point I was granted what I think of as the gift of desperation. I really could not go on the way I was, the drugs stopped working. I was in a dark place, and my only coping mechanism that I knew of, oxycontin, wasn't doing the trick anymore. I was at a place where I was honestly willing to do whatever it took to get sober. I had tried everything my way, and it only got me deeper into my addiction. It was this moment of desperation and willingness that has helped me get to the other side, and for that I am so grateful.
I now go to AA meetings and work the steps with a sponsor. I know some people get turned off by AA thinking it's cult like, or it brainwashes you, or you don't need AA. For me, it's just another aspect of my life. I have many aspects of life, many interests, hobbies, work, friends, school, family, AA. I keep it all in balance, and as long as I have a foundation of AA to build the rest of my life off of then it all stays in balance. I am so grateful to have a place to go where I can relate to what is being said, to the feelings, and experiences of the people in those rooms.
I am four months sober now, the longest i've ever had of real sobriety, where I am honestly working a program of recovery. If you had told me I would be able to live like this four months ago I wouldn't have believed you. Many days are still hard and really uncomfortable, but I am understanding that that is life, and I am learning to cope with the bad feelings without drugs. The fact that I can get out of bed in the morning and go about my day without having to be on oxycontin is incredible to me. It is a freedom I never knew, but was always searching for. The obsession that used to plague my soul, and keep me chained to that drug is not there anymore. I know it's always waiting around the corner, but as long as I am honestly working a program and focusing on staying sober for that day, then I will be OK. I still have those thoughts of using, but I know I don't have to act on them, and as long as I don't pick up, I know that I still have the power of choice.
There is so much I am grateful for today. I have to keep myself in check throughout the day by reminding myself what I am grateful for, that I am right where i'm supposed to be in life, that I do not have control, and that things will work out how they should. KNowing that gives me a sense of relief, a layer of calmness.
I pray that anyone struggling with their disease right now can get a life of sobriety for themselves. It is there for the taking, but believe me, I know how hard it is. It takes a lot of work, reflection, facing what you've been running from, dealing with the darkness, but by walking through it, you'll get to the other side. And one day, maybe you'll have the oppurtunity to use your experiences to help another person. I know, that's what I hope for.
So please, don't give up. Just keep trying and don't lose hope. You can do this and you are worth this. Don't let the drugs, alcohol, and your self destructive thoughts keep you hostage, you deserve more in life. I promise you that.
To anyone who took the time to read this, thank you, I appreciate it. And owe a thanks to this site and the people on here, it was a big part in getting me to where I am at today.
I started using oxycontin three years ago. That drug got ahold of me and blindsided me in a way I could never have imagined. I didn't think the horror stories of addiction were possible for me. How wrong I was. By the end, I was snorting and smoking 4-6 80's a day, spending all my money on it almost two hundred a day, waking up in the morning sick in opiate withdrawals. It had completely taken control of my life, and I had become a shell of a person. Completely empty, hopeless, worthless, miserable, the life had been sucked out of me. I used to numb myself from the world, to put up walls between myself and people, to escape, to cope, to answer to nobody, to care about nothing. I thought that was freedom, again, how wrong I was.
Anyways I tried to get off oxycontin for a long time using this site. I kept relapsing because I was acting on will power and hoping I could do it on my own. I never surrendered to how powerful this disease is. I thought I knew everything, but I knew nothing. At some point I was granted what I think of as the gift of desperation. I really could not go on the way I was, the drugs stopped working. I was in a dark place, and my only coping mechanism that I knew of, oxycontin, wasn't doing the trick anymore. I was at a place where I was honestly willing to do whatever it took to get sober. I had tried everything my way, and it only got me deeper into my addiction. It was this moment of desperation and willingness that has helped me get to the other side, and for that I am so grateful.
I now go to AA meetings and work the steps with a sponsor. I know some people get turned off by AA thinking it's cult like, or it brainwashes you, or you don't need AA. For me, it's just another aspect of my life. I have many aspects of life, many interests, hobbies, work, friends, school, family, AA. I keep it all in balance, and as long as I have a foundation of AA to build the rest of my life off of then it all stays in balance. I am so grateful to have a place to go where I can relate to what is being said, to the feelings, and experiences of the people in those rooms.
I am four months sober now, the longest i've ever had of real sobriety, where I am honestly working a program of recovery. If you had told me I would be able to live like this four months ago I wouldn't have believed you. Many days are still hard and really uncomfortable, but I am understanding that that is life, and I am learning to cope with the bad feelings without drugs. The fact that I can get out of bed in the morning and go about my day without having to be on oxycontin is incredible to me. It is a freedom I never knew, but was always searching for. The obsession that used to plague my soul, and keep me chained to that drug is not there anymore. I know it's always waiting around the corner, but as long as I am honestly working a program and focusing on staying sober for that day, then I will be OK. I still have those thoughts of using, but I know I don't have to act on them, and as long as I don't pick up, I know that I still have the power of choice.
There is so much I am grateful for today. I have to keep myself in check throughout the day by reminding myself what I am grateful for, that I am right where i'm supposed to be in life, that I do not have control, and that things will work out how they should. KNowing that gives me a sense of relief, a layer of calmness.
I pray that anyone struggling with their disease right now can get a life of sobriety for themselves. It is there for the taking, but believe me, I know how hard it is. It takes a lot of work, reflection, facing what you've been running from, dealing with the darkness, but by walking through it, you'll get to the other side. And one day, maybe you'll have the oppurtunity to use your experiences to help another person. I know, that's what I hope for.
So please, don't give up. Just keep trying and don't lose hope. You can do this and you are worth this. Don't let the drugs, alcohol, and your self destructive thoughts keep you hostage, you deserve more in life. I promise you that.
To anyone who took the time to read this, thank you, I appreciate it. And owe a thanks to this site and the people on here, it was a big part in getting me to where I am at today.
Hey,
I'd be happy to message you. I am running out of the house right now but I will send you a message later today. I'd love to talk to you, anytime! Thanks for taking the time to read my story.
I'd be happy to message you. I am running out of the house right now but I will send you a message later today. I'd love to talk to you, anytime! Thanks for taking the time to read my story.
Hey Cassie, if you have time can you direct msg me on how exactly you got clean? What did you do? How did you get through withdrawls? This is one of the greatest and inspiring stories of yet to hear however if you can pass on the formula on how you got there it would help me out so much more. Respect.
Also BmDad, I didnt see you responded up there til now. Thank you for responding, it is good to see you are still around here. I hope you are doing well, and I will be on here more now.
10356,
I am glad you got back up after the relapse, and especially glad you didn't go back to the pills! As for your sister and friend, I am so sorry to hear that. Truly sorry, but I will keep them in my prayers. It is situations like that, where we must really trust in something bigger than ourselves, and really trust that it will turn out the way its meant to, but it is hard to come to terms with, and be in total acceptance when it is such a sad and difficult situation like that. Like I said, theyre in my thoughts and prayers. I will be seeing more of you on here, it's good to be back, glad we got to talk!
Lucky2bAlive and FassFeat
It means so much that you say that. I never thought I could be an inspiration to someone, it means so much to hear that from someone. Thank YOU.
I am glad you got back up after the relapse, and especially glad you didn't go back to the pills! As for your sister and friend, I am so sorry to hear that. Truly sorry, but I will keep them in my prayers. It is situations like that, where we must really trust in something bigger than ourselves, and really trust that it will turn out the way its meant to, but it is hard to come to terms with, and be in total acceptance when it is such a sad and difficult situation like that. Like I said, theyre in my thoughts and prayers. I will be seeing more of you on here, it's good to be back, glad we got to talk!
Lucky2bAlive and FassFeat
It means so much that you say that. I never thought I could be an inspiration to someone, it means so much to hear that from someone. Thank YOU.
Thanks for sharing Cassie. It is so good to read a story like that, it will help so many because it is real. Thanks for taking the time to post it. Congrats on 4 months, I know what you mean about enjoying life and being able to look in the mirror and being OK with what you see. Best of luck and God Bless. You are an inspiration.
Geez Cassie you sound so different !! You will not be a statistic !! I could not be more proud :) I'm so glad you will be around more You have the ability to help so many.. I have been clean off opiates 2 years and 18 days :) I blew it on booze for about 6 weeks but back on track.. it has been a while I did not keep track of the days off as I was pissed with myself so I say a few months lol It could be years but it will always be a few months... I'm doing well... my sister is battling stage 4 breast cancer so I have been a lil melancholy lately but other then that doing well another friend is also battling cancer that is incurable she was paralyzed for a bit but now has function again.. it is in her brain. other then that I'm good still taking pics and exploring nature.. It sure is good to hear from you as I have thought of you often... hugs and again Congratulations !! You have a wonderful exciting life ahead of you.. lesa
10356,
Thank you so much! It's really nice to hear from you and see that you're still around here. It's nice to come back and post something positive. I truly am grateful for where I am in life right now, to not have that obsession holding me down everyday and to be able to actually break out of that horrible cycle, is the greatest gift I could have been given. I will do all that I can to stay on this path, and to help anyone else trying to get sobriety. I am appreciative for your support, and plan on being around here more often now. Hope all is well with you, how long have you been sober now?
Thank you so much! It's really nice to hear from you and see that you're still around here. It's nice to come back and post something positive. I truly am grateful for where I am in life right now, to not have that obsession holding me down everyday and to be able to actually break out of that horrible cycle, is the greatest gift I could have been given. I will do all that I can to stay on this path, and to help anyone else trying to get sobriety. I am appreciative for your support, and plan on being around here more often now. Hope all is well with you, how long have you been sober now?
Hi Cassie ! :) You sound wonderful.. I'm so Happy and Proud for you !! I can see your dreams coming true now.. Congrats on your clean time !! Life looks and feels so different when we are clean :) warm hugs lesa
gnarly1
Thank you, your words mean a lot to me and I will definitely be sticking around because I have a lot to learn myself, and I want to give back what has been given to me as much as possible. It truly is a gift, and I am so grateful for everything I have today.
Thank you, your words mean a lot to me and I will definitely be sticking around because I have a lot to learn myself, and I want to give back what has been given to me as much as possible. It truly is a gift, and I am so grateful for everything I have today.
Nicole1105
I know how hard it is. I remember I used to see people out in the world, smiling laughing, being present in life, and I just didn't understand. I didn't understand how people could be happy without drugs, but through this process I am finding out what it really means to live life. To be present in my life, to be able to sit with myself and be okay with that, to actually go to bed at night and feel good about the person I am, it is indescribable. And it is possible for you too. You deserve the chance to live a real life free of drugs, we all deserve that chance. I know you can do it, you have an inner strength, and I truly believe that. This is such a tough battle and for any of us to still be in it, to still be fighting for our lives, no matter how many times we relapse or get knocked down, no matter what we're put through and the pain we've experienced and seen first hand, takes an incredible amount of strength. Something out there wants you to beat this, otherwise drugs would have taken you out a long time ago. You're here for a purpose, and one day all the experiences you've gone through, you can use to turn around and help another person still lost in their own struggles. I believe in you.
I know how hard it is. I remember I used to see people out in the world, smiling laughing, being present in life, and I just didn't understand. I didn't understand how people could be happy without drugs, but through this process I am finding out what it really means to live life. To be present in my life, to be able to sit with myself and be okay with that, to actually go to bed at night and feel good about the person I am, it is indescribable. And it is possible for you too. You deserve the chance to live a real life free of drugs, we all deserve that chance. I know you can do it, you have an inner strength, and I truly believe that. This is such a tough battle and for any of us to still be in it, to still be fighting for our lives, no matter how many times we relapse or get knocked down, no matter what we're put through and the pain we've experienced and seen first hand, takes an incredible amount of strength. Something out there wants you to beat this, otherwise drugs would have taken you out a long time ago. You're here for a purpose, and one day all the experiences you've gone through, you can use to turn around and help another person still lost in their own struggles. I believe in you.
Wow, what a beautiful story! Thank you for sharing. I'm in the beginning stages of tapering (again...tried this before and relapsed). It's sometimes hard to imagine that life will be good without these things. Stories like yours give me hope...
HI what an inspirational true life story of you finding recovery CUDOS to you and congrats on 4 mo clean....I hope everybody starting out on this journey reads this its what it takes to break out of this....A/A and the 12 step program has helped so many myself included
im happy to here you got you life back and truly back living in recovery life can be a beautiful place once again...there is so much more to this then just detoxing like you said
with a little work...ok a lot of work you can keep addiction in remishine ...I hope to see you stick around we need positive recovery storys to encourage others to make the effort to get well again good luck and God bless.....Gnarly
im happy to here you got you life back and truly back living in recovery life can be a beautiful place once again...there is so much more to this then just detoxing like you said
with a little work...ok a lot of work you can keep addiction in remishine ...I hope to see you stick around we need positive recovery storys to encourage others to make the effort to get well again good luck and God bless.....Gnarly
Thank you everyone for the words of encouragement. It means a lot to me. I will stick around definitely.
BallGame,
I was fortunate enough to have the oppurtunity to go to Rehab followed by AA meetings when I got out, and working the steps with a sponsor. AA has given me a chance at sobriety, it is a program of recovery, but you can make it your own. It's definitely a lot of work, but I know I feel good. Not good all the time, but that's unrealistic. But when I do feel good it is genuine and real, It's not pill induced, its because i'm doing something I enjoy, I am caught up in a moment of life, I am helping someone else. It's real, and that's the best gift ever.
BallGame,
I was fortunate enough to have the oppurtunity to go to Rehab followed by AA meetings when I got out, and working the steps with a sponsor. AA has given me a chance at sobriety, it is a program of recovery, but you can make it your own. It's definitely a lot of work, but I know I feel good. Not good all the time, but that's unrealistic. But when I do feel good it is genuine and real, It's not pill induced, its because i'm doing something I enjoy, I am caught up in a moment of life, I am helping someone else. It's real, and that's the best gift ever.
Glad you came back to share. Oxy is my problem too! 3x 40 per day. I go to pain Mgt but still use mire than I should to ease the pain. I'm hooked, no doubt. But I find it interesting when people get clean how good they feel.
I wish I could get off 100%. I feel like I could stay off.
How dis you get clean?
I wish I could get off 100%. I feel like I could stay off.
How dis you get clean?
I remember you well Cassie. Way to go!! I know how bad you wanted it and knew you would get there. Everyone can get there if they want too. They just have to realize that it normally can't be done on our own. If our way worked we all would've been clean a long time ago.
I'm so proud of you Cass. You keep fighting and never look back!
Glad you came back on here. You should stick around!
Best of luck to you in everything you have to look forward too!
Brian
I'm so proud of you Cass. You keep fighting and never look back!
Glad you came back on here. You should stick around!
Best of luck to you in everything you have to look forward too!
Brian
COMMUNITY LEADER
Way to go cassie!! Congrats on that clean time. You wear it well~~~sara
I remember you!
Good job, Cassie!
It keeps getting better and better
Keep up the good work.
CATUF
Good job, Cassie!
It keeps getting better and better
Keep up the good work.
CATUF
I second that. Thankyou so much. If youve never been to a mtg you have no idea what your missing. I to struggled without help. I to was so proud, to proud I just knew I could do it by MYSELF. I wont take the credit for going to the first mtg. I give that to my poor family that stood by myside while I used and wd putting them through hel. You need help they said. I was shaking like a leaf before I walked in that door. I ALMOST didnt go. I started my truck to leave actually. The thought of my familys broken hearts made turn the truck off and go inside. It was at a church-most are. I never feel comfortable around strangers,NEVER! I did that night. How powerful was it. I didnt touch a drug for 6 weeks. Again, I thought the one mtg was enough. Ok, wrong again. Ive returned and am still in the beginng stages of na. If one meeting could do that to me I thought man if you go and stick to this it will be your very best chance to beat this. Im going every week at least once if not more. I to will make it part of what I do. No biggie. Its free. They meet every single day of the week at all times of the day. I know its not for everyone. I do believe in my heart its for everyone that really really wants to turn their life around forever and ever.Thank you for your story. It just lets me know Ive made the right decision but I already knew that. Once again, Thank You!!!
I am at the beginning stages and just love love love to read stories like this, I was glued to every word!! Thank you so much for sharing that- Congrats!!
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