Hi guys,
Today is a bit better than yesterday and the day before because it has been a relaxing day. My medication regimen has not changed yet, except now I am taking my norco PRN, as opposed to no less 5 a day and I've only had one today as opposed to being on at least number 3 today.. I think I can make it until tomorrow without more, at least I am going to to try my best.
So, this week is a VERY big week for me. First, I am scheduling an appointment with my prescribing doctor and have a face to face talk with him on how to get me off of these pills for good. I am anxious and nervous about this meeting because doctors so often drop you overnight and refuse to treat you once they see you having problems. Maybe this is the addict in me, or maybe this is my fear of feeling pain.. but, I am very scared of not being able to be prescribed medicines anymore after this talk. In other words, I'm scared that if I go into severe pain again, like in a few years or sooner, the doctor won't give me anything because of my current stance.
Also, I got a message today from a clinic that deals with opiate withdrawal, Suboxone, etc. I will call them BEFORE I call my prescribing doctor because there might be a chance I don't need my doctor, the clinic will be my next step. It's tough times, and money does matter so I don't want to be all over the place seeing doctors. If I go to the clinic for an assessment and feel that they have more to offer me (withdrawal help, group therapies, psyc therapies, etc.) than my other doctor who'd just wean me off.. the answer is clear, go to the clinic.
Whichever way it works out, I'm soooo pleased that this is the week where I am turning my life around. However, I do worry about the medical expenses. I'd hate to have to borrow money from family as I've been unemployed for years, but hopefully they will empathize with the problem. Sometimes my family shows concern until money is brought up and coincidentally the concern has passed.
So for the week to come, I'm excited, anguished, and nervous and don't know what to expect. The clinic I'm in contact with hours are 6am-noon, that seems a little awkward. Maybe people go in the mornings for medicine because they won't let you bring it home? I'm not too sure. Some one here wrote me and said I should partially be withdrawn before i go, why would he say that?
Thank you all soooooooo much for being here for me.. I don't think I would have keep coming back every day like I have been if it weren't for y'all. Y'all give me purpose and pride.
My sincere thanks to everyone. I need your help and am glad to be getting it.
You're so great, girl... <3
First I want to say I hope you are feeling well Max..
Thanks to worried878 for sharing her thoughts. I think we can all relate to the cycle and feeling worthless over relapse after relapse.
Quickrick makes an excellent point. I have to agree in regards to mind altering meds that eventually take you back to your drug of choice... It is like shutting the door to a path you never want to take but leaving it unlocked. Eventually when your mind isn't as strong / clear as it should you open the door again to find yourself back in the same location. I take back the comment about the herb. For LONG TERM recovery... Quickrick is right. During your sudden cold turkey wds I was mentioning to eliminate the nausea and anxiety etc. I don't want you to think replacing one drug with another is what I meant. I think you know what I meant...
I am glad you took my / our advice and consulted with your pych doctor. As mentioned earlier they really know YOU best. With you also mentioning that you are bipolar... I think you should again talk to your doctor and try and tackle one aspect of your life you want to change at a time. Even if they are small steps you are still making progress.
Keep your head up...
My belief is that you are born with instructions if you do believe in God. The instructions are very clear ...if you read the bible.
luv,
nauty
Very good, max......as long as you talked to your psych. and she thinks its okay, then hold on to your britches. Withdrawal may feel like an E-ticket to hell at first, but It does end. Just keep reminding yourself of that. Your doc may make some adjustments in your other meds to help you get through this as best as possible.
So, when does this begin for you?.....Please keep us posted.
Luv,
Nauty................
Wow! That is impressive. NA or AA? I find working the steps a little creepy because (i know this is so far fetched, but bare with me) they prepare you to die. You turn your life over to the care of god, you admit everything you've done wrong, you forgive yourself for it, and you have a a clean slate. In my opinion, it prepares you for "heaven" because you resolve all you past discrepancies.
In other words, it cleanses the soul and gives you a life of "god" or whomever your higher power is.