How to save the Good & toss the Bad after were clean?

[Ms_im_doin_it]

I was thinking...something I seem to be soaring at these days between the insomina {which is surely getting better.} And the new perspective on finding me...discovering just how I got here...what led me to love myself so little that I remained inside my own little world for 10 yrs?...You know that world as It would seem life doesnt discriminate...it tosses each one of us a mixed bag of things we are actually just un~prepared for...rather it be our environment....mates...our family...unfair circumstances....or ADDICTION.
The problem then becomes how to deal....the other problem is we make our own choices in those circumstances...our choices and way of processing life makes for a difficult task once we realize its on us when it comes to...... BEING FULLFILLED & HAPPY! First we set out to succeed & make a big impression on ourselves...and then the  decision making process begins...I know all to well the different points..the preverbial fork in the road that happened in my own life requiring a MATURE decision making mind set...where I went left and should have went right...that said, today I am working on my intuition...tuning up all the nuances of how I think..how I used to think & how I'll think tomorrow.  I believe if we get in touch with the ends & outs of who we are...who we were then and who we are after detox...when true recovery begins, and the light in our eye's return we will find things are much different than our addicted brain and the people in our lives would have us believe! I guess what Im saying is...life may throw us things we feel arent fair but if I can find my role..take responsibility for that role. I'll grasp the good I should save and the BAD I should toss.....Therein, leaving me with something to work with! My good quality's picked up from my parents or my environment before the path of addiction...maybe I'll build a fine decision making skill set...the one I've seen others portray with avengence...while Ive somehow given so little thought of until NOW! Question: who among us sorted through who you truly are....done an internal inventory of the character flaws that seemingly made this disease possible in our lives and while not in others....you know the lucky ones who'll never understand this road! Nor should they...decisions pay off! Big Time!

[ActingBrandNew]

Nice to meet you too.

[michael1953296]

".I think the important thing is to be in touch with ones own self."

Thank you and I love your comment above as I could not agree more with you.
Nice to meet you
Michael

[ActingBrandNew]

I respect your opinion and thinks its very interesting and thank you for sharing it. I just got done taking biological anthropology this Summer and if I walked away with one thing it would be that things are always changing...theories and all. You can go from Buffon to Cuvier to Lamarck and Darwin...and so on. There will always be someone in science challenging the next man in search for answers....its all good.

Ive read about pre-disposition and brain mapping as well as all the other theories that accompany addiction. I chose to take a little from them all combined with my own life experience to form my own opinion. Like I said...its all good. I just try to not get stuck on just one thing because then bias takes over. There are many theories to consider:

Biomedical Model
Neuro-endocrine Action
Homeostatic Theory
Infant Attachment
Social, Religious, and Governmental

Theres tons of info out there...everyone's searching for answers...I think the important thing is to be in touch with ones own self.

[VICourageous]

GREAT POST..I would like to put my 2 cents in. First of all like OpenMide24Hours said, the 12 steps were out here way before most of us were even born. As you process in your recovery you will find that you do these steps over and over as life bring on more within your self.
Now when I was 14 and now 57 I started to use..All I would see is a egg being fried in a pan and say this is your Brain on Drugs. Well I still used here and there but was able to walk away at any time and never experienced a w/d. For some reason back in the later 90s is when I could not stop. SO I feel it takes time to really become a full blown Addict and it depends on the drug itself that gets you really hooked..NOW I am 100% in to learning all I can about the Map of the Brain and how Substances can alter or suppress our Brain Transmitters. Now to this day it saves my Butt to know this BUT would of it stopped me in my Teens..Well Maybe a Bit but maybe not. There is so much more that plays into this. Like Environment, Friends, Family etc.
There was a Time in my 7-8 month I started to Over Analysis it all. I would go back and ask WHY..Why did I do this at 14 was I depressed, why did I do this in my 20s was I running from something, Why did I get so hooked in my late 40s..WELL I stopped doing this and just do not care WHY anymore. I am walking in 11 months and when I was at that concert Fri night I had the Biggest GRATITUDE and ATTITUDE to be happy about myself and the decision I made to make a New Life and a New World for myself. SO be that said it does not matter WHY anymore I am just keeping my Chin up and Giving into all the Faith I can to know that there will be good and bad and I am not driving the Bus any more. I gave my license to my God because I am a bad driver and he will get me to were I will need to be..I am very aware of the Dopamine surges in Addiction as well and how the tape in the Mid Brain (pleasure) can play this tape over and over again to feel this pleasure one more time..SO I just do not give it nothing but healthy things or go swimming or listen to music for pleasure and it will just have to get used to this new pleasure besides a Synthetic one..Haha
Thank You for the Post
Bless

[michael1953296]

"Note I said chronic pain...because I have seen some get prescribed opiates for surgery than walk away but those who take it for a lengthy period of time usually become addicted. "


Yes because of the way they are wired. You see even those in Chronic pain will not continue to use for a lengthy period of time because they DO NOT like the way the meds make them feel so they would rather take a non narcotic pain med and feel some pain than be numb and feel the power of the opiates.
Michael

[michael1953296]

You could walk away because you built up enough history in your brain(mind mapping) to do so. Yes we are wired differently but it does not mean we cannot change but you see in the beginning we did not know this ie no history was there and you(we) become hooked. Even now once your history falls below what you are wired for you will then again become addicted. Since we never really know where are history  savings account is on the bar it's playing with fire to use again for whatever reasons.

[ActingBrandNew]

"But in the very beginning it's a crap shoot as you are probably young see others try drugs and so you do the same  the difference is now you are hooked and the others can walk away."

Ive never seen that...ever. I...along with all my friends growing up started IV drug use in our teens. Nobody was able to just do it once and walk away. Ive met many addicts...literally thousands that will sing the same song. then there's those who started on the pharma drugs that Ive met...you know, initially for chronic pain. Note I said chronic pain...because I have seen some get prescribed opiates for surgery than walk away but those who take it for a lengthy period of time usually become addicted.

Ive heard your theory before...many times. Ive also read other theories of how we change our brains after using for a period of time to where we need the drug to just feel "normal". But see...both of those theories start with one thing...a DECISION to use. Pre-disposed or not...I took that first drug therefore it is MY fault. And of course...this is just MY opinion.

Ive been clean 3 1/2 years..and Ive done this by treating my underlying issues. Now, I had bilateral inguinal hernia repair in 2012 where I was prescribed Vicoden. I had been clean 2 years 4 months at the time. It was prescribed for 10 days...I took as prescribed for only 3 days and tossed the rest. If I was pre-wired for addiction which explains the past 20 years...then why didnt those Vics cause me to go into a full blown frenzy? Why could I just walk away? After all...I never could in the past.

Im dealing with the underlying issues.

[michael1953296]

No it's not really a choice. I will explain to a non addict brain they can experiential with drugs, booze whatever and just walk away or they can use only on certain occasion and that's it but with a addicts brain in the way it's wired many times it only takes once and you are hooked. Now I am not saying choice does not enter the picture sure it does as far as aftercare etc. But in the very beginning it's a crap shoot as you are probably young see others try drugs and so you do the same  the difference is now you are hooked and the others can walk away.

This is Not a theory already they have found the genes that can tell you if you will be a alcoholic and with new mind mapping they have shown how different a addicts brain is from a non addicts NOTE this is BEFORE ever using any drugs.

Now you may ask how can they tell this well it took many many years to do this
Scientist deliberately  mind mapped young children brains and kept good notes then many years later the ones with substance abuse were compared to those that were not addicted and they saw the same and very different patterns in the young children brains that were addicted when they became older and began using. So the science is there your brain is simply made with different wiring than a non addicts brain.
Best

[NIB350]

I am new to this sight, but your comment is totally right, at least in all the research I have done. I am addict with any and every substance I put into my body. I could not explain why this was when I was so deep in my addictions, I kept asking myself how did I get to this point. I also believe that with this gene I am not only wired to be an addict but to have the drug or alcohol not affect me as someone without this gene. That is another reason I become an addict so fast, I lose the "high". Well that is my unscientific answer coming from a carpenter that's been an addict since I was 8 years old. Thank you for letting me talk, that's a good thing to do, and I haven't had much opportunity to do so.

[ActingBrandNew]

"Question: who among us sorted through who you truly are....done an internal inventory of the character flaws that seemingly made this disease possible in our lives and while not in others....you know the lucky ones who'll never understand this road! Nor should they...decisions pay off! Big Time! "

Ahhh....every day Im sorting. I think this is an ongoing process...the taking of internal inventory of character flaws and learning more about who I am. I do think as addicts we have to own our part in this...disease or not. We made the choice or bad "decision" to use in the first place and therefore opened that door. The whole pre-wired disposition theory...well, it would seem that the whole world would be this way then. I mean...if someone starts using for whatever reason...physical/emotional pain and then changes the biochemistry of the brain...that seems like messing with the wiring that was initially placed there....you know, endorphin's and thangs. I think true recovery is owning ones part in the whole thing.

Great post BTY!

"life may throw us things we feel arent fair but if I can find my role..take responsibility for that role."

Well said. Taking responsibility is huge. I definitely think as addicts...theirs some things WE messed up in our brains by using...but I also see that we have to deal with the underlying condition that brought us to addiction in the first place in order to succeed.

Always,
ABN

[weaver71]

I relate to your post on a very personal level, though I think recovery begins as soon as we accept the truth, we are addicts. It took 2 1/2 years for me to stop taking drugs, but I was recovering from the moment I decided I wanted to. I just went through a major spell of feeling like life isn't fair, but I held on, I took inventory of past, present, and future. Though I have no control over my moods, and sometime my behavior, I know that I have had the happiest days of my life, since I quit opiates. Some of my problems are worse than they were on opiates, but i have really awesome, pure, loving, simply wonderful days and weeks now. I never had that on opiates. So I flip out every so often, but I also hug and laugh with my kids and feel connected to my wife in ways I had never known were possible. I am grateful to have made it this far, though much work is ahead of me, I get to be happy some of the time. That's progress for me. I love how thoughtful you are of your truths. I do think it helps a lot in recovery to sort those things out. It's like this whole thing is happening in stages. The revelations build on each other. Today, sorting out life's experiences may be the most important thing in recovery, in 6 months, it may be the feeling of helping someone else sort through those things, it may be that meditation is your saving grace, who knows what is next. Recovery doesn't sit still. Each issue has a different solution, all of them are equally important. Thanks for sharing, I needed to read what you wrote. Only yesterday I took inventory, again. As long as I keep working on being better, I believe I will be. Sometimes I don't feel it, but I always know it is true. I can't expect the world to treat me fair. I have had lots of bad luck, from birth, but my kids have it better than I did, even with a drug addict/bipolar dad. Again, progress over perfection. It is all I have at times, that is a lot more than I used to have. Congrats on your progress, you have really done an awesome job and are obviously very thoughtful and caring. Thanks for being YOU.

[ariley13]

Thank you for this wonderful post. Very thoughtful. I think that getting to know ourselves again is very important. We have been numbed out and not in touch for so long. Addiction really can take a lot out of the old self esteem. I know for me it has been a journey of self discovery. I have really focused on myself and tried to learned who I really am. I have accepted myself, flaws and all and dare I say I am learning to love myself again. I do something every single day for myself and my recovery, even if it's as simple as being on MH and trying to give back a little. We are all on a journey of self discovery and self acceptance. I wish everyone luck on that journey!

[ROSYouralright]

GREAT post.. Thank you so much for sharing. I enjoyed reading it and I think you are exactly right on!

[OpenMind24hours]

You wrote "I believe if we get in touch with the ends & outs of who we are...who we were then and who we are after detox...when true recovery begins, and the light in our eye's return we will find things are much different than our addicted brain and the people in our lives would have us believe!"

Good stuff you wrote. I'm a 12-step lunatic, NA, AA and Al-anon. In those programs, we have steps 4 thru 9 which take us through the wreckage of the past, help us accept and clear up our past, take stock in who we are, and prepare us for our future as we continue on in recovery. We learn to love ourselves. We start to feel we're actually worth it to ourselves to stay clean and sober. That's important. We're doing this for us, not for our kids, jobs, and anything else. All we need to do is stay clean just for today and everything else will fall as it will. We learn to accept life on life's terms.

I enjoyed your post, keep on keeping on!

[michael1953296]

A very thoughtful post thanks..
I do not believe it's our character flaws that made us addicts. I think the real answer is more simple and complex. Addicts imo and from what I have learned from my studies are wired different from birth. We are wired to become addicted while others can try drugs do the same as us, have the same character flaws and never become addicts.

This is very akin to homosexuality . People that are truly gay are born that way. They certainly would not make a choice with all that is going or has gone against them if they were not wired to be attractive to the same sex.

A good book I have is by Harold Urschel "Healing the addicted brain"
I have the ebook if any members like a copy pm me your email and I would be happy to share it with you.

All the best on this adventure that really we did not choose. The choice was made for us while we were developing in the warm, safe womb of our mother.
Michael