Day 4 begins

[Amaryllis1974]

Actually, it began at 5:30 am, but I have been quite the busy bee today. I have moved around much more. I have driven for the first time in over a week, I have tasted things that I forgot were so delicious. It's not perfect, and emotionally I am stagnant, and mentally I am finding it hard to hold thoughts or find the right words, and also, my memory is HORRID.
BUT!
I was blacking out because of pills. I was missing parts of my life- they went into a black hole somewhere, and though some I remember, others I do not. Pieces of my life that I was "awake" during, but do not have recollection of.
Scary. I barely remember Christmas morning because of the combo of drugs I was using for my taper.

The nights were worse. I have had to go back and re-read all posts around the 8th thru Jan 1, just so I could make sure I wasn't saying "space cadet" words...

I am better today, and will continue my journey forward, just for today.

Amy

[Amaryllis1974]

I did get your message, but haven't responded yet. I will momentarily.

Regretful, thanks so much. I do feel ill, but not SICK and there is a difference!! (:

[Regretful239]

Maybe this will encourage you a little more-

I'm only on day 8, I feel amazing, the only issue right now is some lower back pain - I'm not even sure that has anything to do with the withdrawal. So, you know you're pretty much at the end right now and from here on out every hour you will feel better!! Honestly, the mental part really got bad for me I was severely depressed, today I feel like I would if I took a Perc - only this way I have more energy.

Good Luck And Congrats, just keep reminding yourself that you beat this - see if saying that doesn't make you smile :)

[kmb22]

amy i hope you got my message.  i snowboard every day and work every night so i normally only get on here at like 1 a.m. when no one else is on.  

i CANNOT wait until you get to clean days in your thirties...you are going to be amazed at how different you feel.

i never ever thought i would truly be happy.  i have been chasing some sort of high since i was 18 and now i am high on myself and life.  i cannot wait until you feel this, and you will I PROMISE!

guess what...

with all of the money i have saved i have not only bought myself all new snowboarding gear but i am going to lake tahoe/heavenly in california in one month with my best friends in the world.  

keep up the good work...you rock!

[sail_fan99]

Congrats! Congrats! Congrats!
Day 4 was the absolute worst for me, and you and Regretful responded to my posts and it helped so much and then on day 4 and especially into the night on day 4 I started feeling so much better and now today on day 5 I feel totally normal so I'm so happy for you as well that you have made it through the worst of it. I think I was a day ahead of you but just know that it gets so much better so fast and before you know it, it will just be a bad memory!

[ThisIsIt983]

Congratulations are in order here. Congrats to you Amy!  Thank you for all the loving support you have given me!   God Bless  ))

[Amaryllis1974]

Thanks so much!
Maria, I write CONSTANTLY, I journal everywhere...on MH, in journals, on blogs....
I have that one down.
I am so grateful today that I made it thru the end of the using without killing myself purposely or thru an overdose. At the end, I would use so many things that I would throw up. That was a new one for me...
I was dying. I KNOW THIS TO BE TRUE TODAY!
Peace,
Amy

[Regretful239]

Congrats on day 4, that was a hard day for me but that night it got better - and even better the next day. Keep up the good work and keep reminding yourself how far you've come.

[guv338]

Great to see your doing well.  Just keep pushing thru.  Congrats on all you've done so far.  Keep up the meetings.  Praying for you.  Guv.

[merrymaria]

Amy...good for you....day 4 was kind of the turning point for me...when you start to thaw out and everything is clear...nights are always bad...so were the mornings for me...but instead of popping pills i tried every day to get on med help and read...read....read...we can never learn to much about addiction....sometimes it helps to keep your own private journal and write down all your feelings...i did and i read it when i m feeling low and it really helps...you remember all the agonizing thoughts and things you did to stay clean.  so glad you re feeling better and tomorrow will even be better...keep your strength up...eat all you want...relax...this is your time..time for you and only you...prayers and hugs..maria