I'm a horrible person

Question

I fell off the wagon just about 2 weeks into feeling great and now I'm on this downward spiral of addiction again! And to top it all off I found out I was pregnant now I'm starting w/d's all over again and I'm 8 weeks pregnant is this safe? Has anyone done this? I'm just so sick about this plus I have 2 kids already and a full time 3 rd shift job I don't know how to survive this!

dominosarah · Answer

You need to talk with your OB about this and have him/her help you taper down.  What happened to get you using again?

Conjen · Answer

Nothing just pure weakness

overopiates · Answer

Yes u DEFINITELY need2talk2an ob RIGHT AWAY.If u r feeling w/d right now go to the emergency room.Its incredibly dangerous to withdrawl c/t when ur r pregnant u can easily miscarry.When u feel w/d so does the baby.U need to be slowly tapered under a drs care(thats why I said if u r n w/d now go to the e.r.Either way u need to call be100%honest about ur drug use,the amount u take etc explain how u feel physically(withdrawl) .I know this is probably not gonna b easy2admit to but I promise u that this is very common,drs c this all the time.U will b surprised how u r treated as most of us get so worried&assume the doctors,nurses etc r going2freak or just n general treat badly but they dnt&wnt.They wanna make sure1st that u dnt lose the baby.They c many who try2c/t w/o any dr supervision+w/o the doctor having any knowledge simply because she doesnt want2b honest w/he doctor).Tthats very selfish.Ur lucky ur only2months along which gives u and ur dr(s) plenty of time to get a proper,slow taper&b clean well b4giving birth w/o the baby having w/d after birth.Im not familiar w/ur history,what exactly r u taking,how much a day,how ur ingesting(oral,snorting,I.V.) wanna help more w/ur options(such as avoiding suboxone or methadone id@all possible)unless thats ur addiction now.Please answer all the questions.U have2kids already&work3rd shift(btw thats why u would do a medically supervised taper so u will still b able2function and do what u need2).U didnt mention if u r single,married,if the unborn babies fathers around.Do u want2keep this baby?I know these may seem like very personal questions just wondering ur support level(financial help4ur kids&emotional support4u)I assume u didnt have aftercare:N.A.meetings,getting a sponser,therapy/something like that.So important2maintain sobriety.U need2make a plan&stick2it4u,the2kids u have&the baby ur carrying.Its a huge step,real sign of honesty and personal awareness that u admit lack of willpower is why u relapsed.That also shows u DESPERATELY need a strict aftercare plan.I genuinely wanna help u(I make a point of going out of my way to help women who r pregnant who come her w/an addiction)My heart goes out to u.Just remember medical attention&TOTAL honesty w/ ur Dr asap.Thats how u will get help&insure that u wnt lose ur baby(miscarriage or to the state)u wnt have2wry about family services ir whatever its called where u live will NOT take the baby as long as u r honest as early as possible so they can help&take EVERY precaution.Were here2help please respond&answer my MANY questions so we can help u n a more specific way.God bless,congratulations on the baby.

overopiates · Answer

Oh and most important u r NOT a horrible person.U r an addict.U relapsed which is very common and usually part of the process especially w/o aftercare u stick to.Its really tough that u happened2get pregnant after relapsing BUT u r here,wanting help,being brutally honest.If u were a horrible person u wouldnt care and u definitely wouldnt b here asking what to do.Cut urself some slack.Its repeated constantly u NEED aftercare2prevent relapse,to learn about ur addiction,triggers,signs ur about2relapse so u can recognize&b proactive.U need a support system for ur addiction.Ur a good person who loves her children and is doing all she can for her unborn baby.

Conjen · Answer

I have RA fibromyalgia and ankylosing spondylitis not to mention a blood clotting disorder I get when I'm pregnant that I take heparin shots for I have a standing script for hydrocodone 10/500 and now that I'm pregnant my family dr has taken me off of every med but this one because this is the only safe one I guess I took to many and I'm going to run out and I'm not getting my script filled if I can go without it depending on what the dr says. I'm married to a wonderful man he just doesn't understand and wants me to be super woman all the time I wish for a break every once in awhile and yes I want the baby I'm just worried and scared and haven't really wrapped my head around it yet

worried878 · Answer

talking to ur OB is a good idea...I think u know that using while pregnant is not safe, but to re-enforce..no..it is not safe to use while u r pregant nor drink to excess.  Falling off the wagon is sumpin most have done, u just gotta get back on again.  Most do not make it the first time...or the second etc.  Just gotta keep trying
have u tried aftercare?
U r not a horrible person!  U just have to slow down and take care of business

keep posting

worried878 · Answer

also, how much are you taking each day and does ur OB know?  What type of clotting disorder do u have if u dont mind me asking?  ankylosing spondylitis is rare, a genetic disease and I am sorry you were unfortunate enough to inherit this.  Fibromyalgia is common and seems to be a catch all name as of late as they told me I have this!  I have deg disc disease...scoliosis and rods everywhere in my neck..i hurt where i have a reason to hurt so dont accept that diagnosis for myself
Chronic pain and addiction are not a happy combo!  I know this from past experience and finding alternative modes of pain relief is crucial due to tolerance of narcotics.  I quickly saw a 5mg dose of hydro turn into 1 10mg dose then a 20 and so on.  There is no end and it doesnt get better, only worse.  I dont know how old u r, but u can just about triple the dose u r on now 5 years from now to gat any sorta pain relief.  It gets to the point where its not even about physical pain anymore and becomes mental pain instead

good luck to u

dominosarah · Answer

You are in no way a horrible person. This is a very common feeling among addicts. I think you feel very overwhelmed right now and that is not a good feeling to have. You arent superwoman, none of us are and it sets us up for failure. Being a wife and mother is stress enough. Have you thought about talking to someone about all of this?

keith600 · Answer

Addictions strange huh? We use and use till we"re sick and tired of being sick and tired, then we get the courage to stop,feel like crap and swear we"ll never go thru this again but as the physical pain subsides the mind takes over and then we think we can do it again but the right way this time and soon enough we"re back to being sick and tired of being sick and tired. As those who know say "AFTERCARE". The #1 way to not use is to not use but without aftercare  your just a user who isnt using right now,,,with aftercare you can be a RECOVERING addict. good luck to all,,recovery can and is acheived every day in every way.

Conjen · Answer

I'm 31 and before I was up to 200 mg a day I'm at less than 100 right now I'm trying its just hard

Conjen · Answer

Oh and the blood clotting disorder I have is called anticardiolipid syndrome I was diagnosed with before my first child

Teresa1717 · Answer

HI Conjen. I just wanted to tell you that you are not a horrible person. You suffer from the same disease we all do! And thats what addiction is, A disease! Relapse is something most of are very familiar with and in alot of ways is necessary IMO to get us to really look in ourselves. So please, dont be hard on yourself. Sh*t happens!

What you do need to do though is pick yourself up and figure out what you didnt do this last time, tha you can do this time. Now You being pregnant obvisouly changes things a bit because you should not be detoxing c/t right now only being 8 weeks along. What you feel, that baby feels! And although you may be strong enough to suffer through them, A baby at 8 weeks likely is not. Your risk for miscarriage goes up so please talk to your Dr right away!! This is serious and your Dr should be informed of everything so he/she can help. 

Put a plan in place now! And Once the baby is born or once your Dr says its safe to detox, then thats when you can put your plan in action so you can take back your life and get off these pills. Aftercare is a must! So start looking into that!

Were here to support you, so lean on us and dont give up on yourself

toothfairie · Answer

just wanted to say good luck to you with everything!!  you have our support here...so just keep posting and please give yourself a break.....you're not a bad person!  addiction is a horrible disease and just know that you can get thru it....we are all pulling for you!

HappyDays2Come · Answer

Take a deep breath and just calm down and make a plan. Yes, it's time to stop taking the pills but since you are pregnant you definitely need to consult your OB before quitting. Pills are becoming such an epidemic in our country that he/she probably won't even bat an eye when you confide in her. I understand the "super mom" phenomenon. I was there. I'm a career woman AND my husband expects me to do all the cooking, cleaning, running the house...oh, and bathing, feeding, getting our daughter ready. On top of that being a great mom (not just doing the necessities). It's hard and pills became my crutch to do it all. Eventually I spiraled out of control and wasn't half the mom and wife the pills had be believing. Now that I'm sober I've learned to chill out and not to feel like everything has to get done in one day. I know you're scared but it's okay...you can do this. You can be a great mom and wife without the pills. Please talk to your OB...be honest and make a plan to get off the pills. Good luck and keep us posted!