As hard as it is to admit, even in complete anonymity I NEED HELP. I've been addicted to pain meds since 2003. I started taking them after injuring my back playing Junior College baseball. Numerous MRI's and scans continued to show nothing, so I turned to self medicating. Over a period of 6 years of numerous Doctors telling me they could find no reason for my pain, I went from taking maybe 2 tylenol 3's a day as needed for pain to spending upwards of $300 a day on whatever narcotic I could find, and if it did happen to quell a bit of my pain in the process of getting high then so be it. In 2009, I did finally have an elevation of pain one day that put me in the hospital, where 5 compression fractures were finally found in my spine, so I was prescribed OC 20's and Roxy 15's. Ofcourse I continued to abuse those, having 100-120 of each pill per month, and that amount would last maybe a week and half. Cutting to the chase, I finally got my **** together and in November of 2010, got off the Oxycontin, got on Opana and brought in others to dispense my medicine to me so I couldn't abuse them. I've maintained that up until about 2 weeks ago, however I have never dealt with any of the psychological and emotional issues associated with the addiction (guilt, anger, embarassment, anxiety, depression, isolation, self hatred, feeling worthless etc). 2 weeks ago I realized that even though I had seemingly turned the corner and things should be looking up, I found that I was just as miserable as I was while I was actively abusing perscription meds. So I did what any rational person would do - I jumped right back into trying to get high figuring If I was going to be miserable I mine as well enjoy a few mins out of the day. I have realized where this is heading, and wish to get a handle on it, but I'm terrified that admiting to my Doctors that I'm having this issue will permanently put an end to the only medication that has given me a measureable quality of life I have tried numerous non-narcotic meds with no results towards pain relief, and my back pain is such that with out enough relief it is debilitating. I would appreciate anyone's point of view who has dealt with being an addict, yet needed legitimate pain relief, as well as anyone who has any help to offer dealing with all the emotional aspects that come with being an addict. I've thought about going to a rehab facility, but I don't have any income currently to pay for it, and my insurance doesn't cover any rehab facilties that specialize in addiction and pain management. I obviously can't deal with the emotional stuff on my own, but dont know where to turn to for help either. Thanks in advance. Any help or in-put at all is greatly appreciated.
You did what any rational person would do??? I know you were being funny there...
Listen, have you been to a pain clinic or pain management clinic/doctor? You might try that. There's a way for this to be managed along with your apparent depression. Medhelp has a pain management forum, as well, and you might want to take a look over there. At the top of this page just click on "forums" and look under "pain".
What are you taking now...exactly?