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Intervention
As most of you all know, my daughter is addicted to opiates and using the needle. What my question is is how do you do an intervention?? What is the best method and how do I aproach the subject. I know she has to go on her own, but it is out of control and I am trying to figure out a way to push her possibly over the edge? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks and God Bless!
My opinion, I dont believe you will succeed doing an intervention if she is not into it 100 per cent. I tried it with my son and surprise he did not stay and is back to where he was. I would move heaven and earth for him if he came to me and said I dont want to do oxys anymore, I need help. My only choice after 3 years is to detach. I will not be sucked into enabling and I cant see him as it only breaks my heart. I dont know your full story but if you are enabling at all taking that away may do something. My son has od'ed twice so now I play the waiting game, will he change or ........ I do sneak on facebook just to see if he is still around. I miss him each and every day, my old son that is not the new one. Be strong and there is decisions you can make. I would like to talk more.
Thank you for you reply. I am down to the final stages, and basically I am grasping at anything to save her. I know she is so far into her addiction that I dont see her coming out anytime soon, unless its the enevitable, which will eventually happen. She has a child and I am raising her. So I dont know what to do. If it was just her and not the child I would of cut ties long ago. Its horrible to say the least. My hands are tied and I am mentally exhausted. But I know i need to let her hit rock bottom and hope it will open her eyes. But wow is it hard. How did you do it???
A young man close to me, had to destroy every relationship he had, before he admitted the problem, and got help. Noone would talk to him. I took the day off from work, and took him to rehab.
He got clean.
He got therapy for the problems that brought him to need to be numb. He hoisted himself up, when he realized he was going to die. He now has his own landscaping business, and married a lovely wife , and they have a nice home. His wife is my daughter. She hid her ongoing support for him, from me after I told her to leave him to his recovery. (I worded it something like... I'll kill him If you don't leave him alone...)
I accepted him as my son Last spring.
I guess I would say that expession of HONEST LOVE AND CONCERN and the willingness to help, is the best anyone can do. It gives them a glimmer to remember when they hit bottom. A light to follow in the storm.
He got clean.
He got therapy for the problems that brought him to need to be numb. He hoisted himself up, when he realized he was going to die. He now has his own landscaping business, and married a lovely wife , and they have a nice home. His wife is my daughter. She hid her ongoing support for him, from me after I told her to leave him to his recovery. (I worded it something like... I'll kill him If you don't leave him alone...)
I accepted him as my son Last spring.
I guess I would say that expession of HONEST LOVE AND CONCERN and the willingness to help, is the best anyone can do. It gives them a glimmer to remember when they hit bottom. A light to follow in the storm.
Thank you for advice, I have considered that too and I agree with you. I just am so fustrated with it all and actually just plain angry. Her addiction has her good. She is not even remotely the child I raised, and with her reaction I know it will be bad, cause she has always been a brat and you add addiction on top and you have a really bad combo. Thank you again and God bless.
You need to back off her... you don't know her story, and I'm not going to stand by and watch you do what you do best (make her feel bad about herself).
She came here for support. She very offhandidly called her daughter a brat, which she has every right to do as it's HER daughter, and you jumped her.
Back off MZLAUREL.
Teetime4u- there's no need to explain yourself to MZLAUREL. She's a bit challenged.
She came here for support. She very offhandidly called her daughter a brat, which she has every right to do as it's HER daughter, and you jumped her.
Back off MZLAUREL.
Teetime4u- there's no need to explain yourself to MZLAUREL. She's a bit challenged.
Dude, MZLAUREL... where do you get this stuff? Back off her. She came here for advice on an Intervention, not a class on Parenting.
Try not to get too worked up over what MZLAUREL said. If she's messaging you offline (private messages), be sure and let one of the admin's know. They'll jump her.
As for your 'Intervention' situation, IBKLeen said it... e sure you have a professional present. It's pretty difficult to stage an intervention, so professional help is always advised.
Do you think your daughter is ready to be done with the pills (or whatever it is that she's doing)?
As for your 'Intervention' situation, IBKLeen said it... e sure you have a professional present. It's pretty difficult to stage an intervention, so professional help is always advised.
Do you think your daughter is ready to be done with the pills (or whatever it is that she's doing)?
I am suggesting that she is seeking attention.
You said you gave her everyTHING... STUFF.
I am not suggesting you are a bad parent. I am suggesting that she may be more sensitive than you think.
That she needed more than you realized. Or that what she truely needed, she did not get.
If you give a child something they have a tantrum about, you are not teaching them the difference between want and need.
And the thing they are having a fit to have, is not what they need. They need boundaries.
I have a daughter that is 25. She does not want to be my best friend. I don't want to be hers. I am her Mom. I love her more than life itself.
I was willing to go to prison for life, to protect my girl, and 20 years of my life parenting her, too.
My point is, all the STUFF she ever had, was no replacement for "NO". And my daughter expressed that to me.
You said you gave her everyTHING... STUFF.
I am not suggesting you are a bad parent. I am suggesting that she may be more sensitive than you think.
That she needed more than you realized. Or that what she truely needed, she did not get.
If you give a child something they have a tantrum about, you are not teaching them the difference between want and need.
And the thing they are having a fit to have, is not what they need. They need boundaries.
I have a daughter that is 25. She does not want to be my best friend. I don't want to be hers. I am her Mom. I love her more than life itself.
I was willing to go to prison for life, to protect my girl, and 20 years of my life parenting her, too.
My point is, all the STUFF she ever had, was no replacement for "NO". And my daughter expressed that to me.
you know mxlaurel we are not talking about a 6 year old here. It is impossible to win with an addict. Please read:
What Addicts Do
My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fufilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.
My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.
My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decison to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.
And until I make that decsion, I will hurt you again and again and again.
Stop being surprised.
I am an addict. And that's what addicts do
What Addicts Do
My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fufilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.
My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.
My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decison to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.
And until I make that decsion, I will hurt you again and again and again.
Stop being surprised.
I am an addict. And that's what addicts do
MZLAUREL:
Once again, you're talking about parenting. We're not talking about a 'normal' child here. We're talking about an ADDICT. All parenting skills go out the window when you're dealing with an addict. You may have a 25-year old daughter, but unless she's an addict (and you just haven't told us about that yet), then I suggest you stop trying to hand out advice.
Once again, you're talking about parenting. We're not talking about a 'normal' child here. We're talking about an ADDICT. All parenting skills go out the window when you're dealing with an addict. You may have a 25-year old daughter, but unless she's an addict (and you just haven't told us about that yet), then I suggest you stop trying to hand out advice.
I will definately not jump the gun to soon, with an intervention. She tells me she wants to get clean, usually while she is trying to get money off me or enroute to her dealer. So right now I honestly think it is mostly smoke. She is using pills and shooting them up. So she is very far into her addiction. She has lied stolen lost all jobs she had blah blah blah. Its really bad. Thank You.
Islandcat,
Thanks for sharing that saying, It is so true in every sense of the word. I am living it right now with my daughter. Thank You.
Islandcat,
Thanks for sharing that saying, It is so true in every sense of the word. I am living it right now with my daughter. Thank You.
If you're enabling her in any way, that has to stop, first and foremost. Cut her off at the nutz and stop giving her anything or doing anything for her that'll keep her in her addiction. I know it's easier said than done, but it's something you're going to have to do.
So
LMNO
You just said what I said.... She needs boundaries. But she still needs appropriate love and attention.
If she asks for something she can't have say NO... But you can have a free trip to a spa rehab.... Boundaries.
LMNO
You just said what I said.... She needs boundaries. But she still needs appropriate love and attention.
If she asks for something she can't have say NO... But you can have a free trip to a spa rehab.... Boundaries.
I have basically done all that. I think I need to get even alittle hard core with it. She is relentless. I just hope she wakes up before its too late.
The Idea:
YOU CAN'T HAVE THE DESTUCTIVE THING YOU WANT...
BUT I WILL MOVE HEAVEN AND EARTH TO GET YOU WHAT YOU NEED.
She may just need a Rehab nurse, not a Mom.
YOU CAN'T HAVE THE DESTUCTIVE THING YOU WANT...
BUT I WILL MOVE HEAVEN AND EARTH TO GET YOU WHAT YOU NEED.
She may just need a Rehab nurse, not a Mom.
Sometimes a 'rock bottom' has to be reached before you can help someone. I know that's how it was for me, and I feel quite sure that's the way it was for a lot of folks here.
There are different 'rock bottoms', and not all are near-death experiences or anything that sever. Different people have different bottoms. Some have what are called 'high bottoms', but everyone will tell you the same thing... a rock-bottom is a rock-bottom, and different for everyone.
Maybe she just hasn't gotten to hers yet. All you can hope for is that it's a high-bottom and not a near-death, as a lot of folks here have had.
There are different 'rock bottoms', and not all are near-death experiences or anything that sever. Different people have different bottoms. Some have what are called 'high bottoms', but everyone will tell you the same thing... a rock-bottom is a rock-bottom, and different for everyone.
Maybe she just hasn't gotten to hers yet. All you can hope for is that it's a high-bottom and not a near-death, as a lot of folks here have had.
COMMUNITY LEADER
UNTIL her daughter is ready to put down the drugs there is NOTHING that she or anyone else can do so trying to find out what her daughter lacked isnt going to happen right now. Only in recovery will this happen. I understand you are trying to help but we are dealing with a person who is using and that is a whole different ballgame, something that most of us know a great deal about as we ARE recovering addicts. I am very proud of the progress Teetime has achieved here. Her daughter is a very lucky person to have such a loving mother who is willing to go the distance here. sara
Thanks Sara, Its hard seeing her in this situation for sure. And with winter coming I am worried she is going to ride her addiction into the streets. She is holding on to her apartment by the seat of her pant. And I know I cannot and will not enable her addiction, if she need help into rehab I will be there packing her bags. But other wise what else can I do??!!
Please pay attention to my message here.
You asked how to get her in rehab.
When she asks for something, offer what she needs:
A TRIP TO REHAB.
That is the only way, other than hitting bottom.
If you are not sitting there saying to her... "YOU NEED TO GO TO REHAB"
Then you are not being truthful.
SAY IT
Being afraid to say it could cost her life.
When you say it... She will know you care, no matter how mad she is at you.
Even an addict was once a child.
You asked how to get her in rehab.
When she asks for something, offer what she needs:
A TRIP TO REHAB.
That is the only way, other than hitting bottom.
If you are not sitting there saying to her... "YOU NEED TO GO TO REHAB"
Then you are not being truthful.
SAY IT
Being afraid to say it could cost her life.
When you say it... She will know you care, no matter how mad she is at you.
Even an addict was once a child.
COMMUNITY LEADER
You are doing all you can for her right now but dont forget YOU. Make sure you are getting healthy also so when your daughter does decide to clean up you both can make a fresh start. What else can you do? Pray and pray some more~~~~
My heart breaks for you. I can see how much it is hurting you to see your baby girl like this. I know it is hard but you need to protect yourself. Let your daughter know you are there, but will not enable her. Let's pray she comes around.
I can suggest that you look into Al-Anon for yourself and any other family members. It is a supportive group of people who can share their experiences, strength and hope with you and maybe give you some answers that you desperately need. If you need help finding a group near you, let someone know.
I can suggest that you look into Al-Anon for yourself and any other family members. It is a supportive group of people who can share their experiences, strength and hope with you and maybe give you some answers that you desperately need. If you need help finding a group near you, let someone know.
I'm proud of you for cutting her off and standing your ground. That' the first step.
Be ready and waiting for when she hits that rock-bottom. Hopefully her rock-bottom won't be all that harsh, but sometimes it takes a hard bottom to wake us up.
Stay strong. We're always here if you need us.
Be ready and waiting for when she hits that rock-bottom. Hopefully her rock-bottom won't be all that harsh, but sometimes it takes a hard bottom to wake us up.
Stay strong. We're always here if you need us.
I have mentioned Rehab to her for the past 2 years. Made calls to get her connected to them. got times for na meeting in our town. Beged and pleaded till I can do no more. She knows I care and would go to the end of this earth to help her. But right now her addiction is stronger than any love and until she is ready to take that step there isnt alot I can do. I got on here to see what an intervention consisted of and if people thought it might be a good idea. Thanks.
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You cannot push her over the edge. She has to find that cliff by herself. Intervention is tough business and is not guaranteed. I always suggest that you have a professional present for the actual intervention (or meetings) and a plan for treatment to follow.
If you attempt this without professional help it could be dangerous. Addicts do not take well to confrontation as I am sure you know. She could become physical or she could just stomp out, or both.
Please do not attempt this unless you research it thoroughly.
I will say a prayer that she finds her way.