Just need some support....

[jossysmom]

Well, I don't guess this is a question so much as just reaching out for some support. Today has been exceptionally hard for me. I'm experiencing emotions that I've been putting off for a very long time. Now that I've started working the steps I've been getting into some very deep rooted issues that are hard for me to even think about, needless to say, I won't be sharing them. Basically, I said all of this to say that I am sooooo extremely hurt at how I've been treated by my extended family since I came out about my addiction and went into treatment last November. I have a cousin who has been closer than a sister to me my ENTIRE life, well, since all of this happened, she hasn't spoken one word to me. I've seen her at family functions and such and she goes out of her way to avoid me. I've written her several emails trying to talk to her about what happened and to tell her that I'm sorry for not telling her what was going on with me...no response. We used to talk on the phone everyday. She was my matron of honor. She was there when my children were born, holding my hand. I don't know what to do. I didn't directly hurt her, as in, steal from her or lie to her but I know she's hurt about all of this. I don't know, it kindof seems like she's just disgusted with me and doesn't want anything to do with me. I have avoided this for a long time and just didn't want to deal with it. I really thought that she just needed some time to figure out what happened but now it seems as though she has just completely cut me out of her life. I just wish I had some closure and I hate that I hurt her. I wish I knew why she was so upset with me that she won't even talk to me. I know it sounds as though there is more to the picture than what I'm saying but I can assure you that is not the case. We were on good terms until Nov. 2008, I went into treatment on the 17th and we haven't spoken since. Do I keep reaching out? Do I continue to write her, or call her...? What to do? Do I just let go and let what is,,.be?
Thanks for listening. I can barely see through the tears. It's been so long since I've cried like this...My heart is truly broken because I caused this.

[jossysmom]

Thank you all....really!

[beatingthis]

Good advise you got from sara. You have to worry about you right now.
If it is meant to be she will come around. Give her some space and continue in
your recovery.

Terry

[IBKleen]

Hi Hun,

I can hear the pain. I have been there and I felt exactly what you are feeling.

I had someone walk away from me in much the same way and to this day, almost twenty years later, I still don't know why. I had to get to the point of accepting it for what is was and stop analyzing it or it would have driven me crazy. Sometimes we just don't get answers.

I am glad to see you are working the steps and you are "feeling". As much as it hurts, it is healthy.

Keep talking and working with your sponsor.

Hugs............

[dominosarah]

Let the tears fall, feel the pain, deal with it head on and then find the proper place for it.  There is nothing you can do or say right now to her.  Our actions  will and do speak louder than words.  The relationship may take time.  Sometimes our family members dont always act the way we want them too after they find out about our addictions.  My daughter is still very angry with me and very hateful.  Work on yourself now and continue in your recovery......if she comes around great and if she doesnt then it is her loss.......sara