21 days and really struggling

[Sharon0255]

Hi all I'm 21 days today and I'm striggling. I'm going to meetings and work is really tough. I'm taking Ambien at night but still no sleep. I got the Whey protein shakes that everyone recomended and drinking them daily. Taking the supplements. Hey anything is better than where I was but I guess I thought I'd be better than I am. Well some days are better but I'm very weak, emotional depressed....
I'm really trying to have a positive attitude and I'm praying all day every day.

Any support would be great,thanks Sharon

[lulu747]

Well said Just!

I needed to be reminded about the sleeping less thing....Thank you(:
And I totally agree with you about the 'more' thing...I am 'more me' than I have ever been...It does get better every day....

Sharon-almost 22 days(:  You are doing great.

[justme1119]

Sharon,  I am 37 days off of Norco and 100+ days off of low dose methadone.  One thing I have noticed is that I'm doing more.  I'm cooking more, I'm talking more, I'm parenting more, I'm working harder.  I still have pain and I'm doing more to help it that doesn't revolve around medication.  During the day, I can be doing great and thinking, "Man, things are great." And then in minutes, I'm miserable again.  As Lulu has said many times, you have to live in the moment and celebrate the good things.  Clonodine helps me.  Tylenol helps me a little.  Don't try to do it all at once.  I would think it would be best to taper off one thing at a time and don't be hard on yourself.  I ran out of ambien once for a week, and I didn't die.  I took some over the counter stuff and just slept less.  I still struggle with sleep.  I used to think that I needed at least 7 or 8 hours to function.  But once I got that notion out of my head and relaxed about just getting 1 1/2 to 2 hours at a time, I felt better.  I wake up a lot, but I just try to go back to sleep.  For me, 1/2 ambian works for as long as a whole one.  So I half them and take one when I'm ready to sleep, and then when I wake up I take the other half.  Sometimes I put out 3 halves and I take the last one if I wake up two hours before I have to get up.  Usually that's only on the weekends.  I wait as long as I can to go to sleep, watching TV or reading posts.  Hang in there.  We're all in this together.

[ricart70]

Sharon I really have nothing much to say to you other than   GREAT JOB!
you are doing so well and have 21 hard days behind you now.It will be getting way better for you really soon.Keep up the great work!

[lulu747]

Hey Sharon!

Yes I think it's smart to stop taking the L-Tyrosine...It really helped me for the first five days but then it made me jittery too...
Are you taking vitamins?  I'm just about 13 days ahead of you and they are making a HUGE difference in my life.  A good multi, plus C, B6, b12 and Probiotics (for the gut)  Also...I am hiking three to four km's every morning with the dogs and this is saving me.  I gain about an hour sleep a night.  I am with you on the benzos and am really frustrated....I was almost off of them (20 mg of oxazepam) at night to sleep prior to detox...Then my doc increased dosage to 60 mg at night....Now I am tapering down...and it's not going fast enough for me.  Ugh.  I just want to be free...But it's about patience and tackling one problem at a time....

And congratulations on 23 days....You're doing awesome....Lu

[jennybreeze]

Just wanted to say that I only took the L-Tyrosine once and it gave me CRAZY anxiety - which I've never had before! It was awful. Never taking that again. I bet the less medicine and supplements you have in you at this stage, the better and better you will feel. You're doing sooooo wonderful!

[Sharon0255]

Well I'm a little better and I'm tapering the Valium and only took half an Ambien last night. I stopped taking the l- tyrosine though it was giving me more anxiety. I'm on the protein shake but never expected to get bit by the benzos. Should have known better but at least it's a very small dose I've jumped at 5mg before so I'm going to give it a week and hopefully I will keep getting better from the oxy cold turkey 23 days today

[Sharon0255]

I'm addressing the Valium taper. I thought  2 mg every other day was a joke but it's not. So I will be tapering that starting  today. I slept better last night thank you God. Woke up and realized I had forgot to take the Ambien so that will be after my benzo taper. For now I'm so happy to not be taking 120 mg of Oxys every day and trying to step back into my life. The stress in work this week was tough but it felt like I hadn't been there in so long because of the Oxys. I'm going to meetings regularly and my family is awesome.

[kyle505]

21 days!!! That's wonderful. Congrats!! I'm in day four of a ct detox after taking a lot of Norco 10s for a very long time. I know, especially after reading posts on this site, that we all detox at various rates, but for me 21 days sound amazing. Although you are still struggling, you should be very, very proud of yourself. if I make it back here at 21 one days, clean and human again, I'll be happy about my accomplishment. i too am going through the depression that is a part of this crap, but you making the 21 day mark is an inspiration. Thank you.

[IBKleen]

You don't have PAWS. That is POST acute withdrawal syndrome. You cannot have something "post" when you are not through the original withdrawal process yet.

I have to suggest that you speak with your doctor regarding a taper with the Valium. that is the safest way to go and a slow taper is recommended to avoid any side effects and to minimize the withdrawal. Also speak with him/her about any natural supplements that you can take to help ease the process.

Stick around and post when you need to talk. Someone is always here to help you.

[Greatgreebo]

don't sweat the PAWS......sometimes people get it (more often if you were a heavy, long time abuser)..........you probably don't fit the bill. DO NOT freak yourself out about it. Forget about it and just realize that you are really doing a great job!!! Like I said, you didn't get in this pickle in 21 days so it's okay to have 'bad days'!

Recovery comes in waves.......a good day, 2 bad days, 2 good days, 1 bad day....and so it goes......Take sleep when you can get it and don't work yourself up. That's the problem with getting clean-every little dust molecule seems like a mountain and our recovering brains will over react.  Congrats on day 21.....because of my lil hospital stay I'm only on day 11 now. You can do this and do not give up. Once you are done with the benzo's you may need to taper the ambien....it can cause rebound insomnia if suddenly DC'd...........but don't worry about that now. Just forcus on staying OFF opiates. Congrats

Greatgreebo

You are SO close feeling okay.

[Sharon0255]

I was off the benzos in May I used the Thomas Recipe to cold turkey from oxycodone, but it took me 3 attempts to get 21 days. So I was only on the benzos the other times through the cold turkey. As I said I can go a couple days without them and I almost flushed the rest last night.
i was on them originally through the chemo then I did a six month taper and have been off off them completely for 8 months. The most I'm on right now is 2 mg every other day it is valium so the half life is very long can be up to 100 hrs. I'm going to start a taper from 5mg and see what happens.
My body is so beaten from the opiates and sleep deprivation. So my goal is to be off of everything but I've just become aware of the benzo withdrawal since returning to work. I push through it and don't take any during the day.
Anyone with any suggestions or experience please post. believe me I've kicked benzos before and what I'm feeling is fairly mild and could be still messed from the opiate withdrawal. What is PAWS that is freaking me out.

[lulu747]

Hi Sharon...
First of all-I am so proud of you for your 21 days!!!  I am just ten days ahead and I remember when you started posting...I knew you could do this as you are in every sense of the word-a survivor.  Listen-I know the sleep thing is awful...I still struggle with it but I turned a corner at thirty days and am feeling so much better...At 21 days I was positive but felt like a basket case.  I also wanted to tell you that I get it about the benzo's.  I have been on oxazepam for 2+ yrs for sleep and I really wanted off...to be medication free.  However, they are tricky and my doctor told me I needed to be less ambitious with my taper...So I am and it's starting to work.  What length of time were you on them?  Have you talked to your doctor about what's been going on?

You are doing all the right things-vitamins, supplements, exercise, aftercare...Be proud of yourself and I know it's hard but try to be patient....I promise it will get better if you stay the course.  Also-I know I say this on here a lot but deep breathing exercises and meditation really work for me...Calming the CNS down and quieting the brain.  Keep posting and keep your faith....You're doing awesome....Lu

[Greatgreebo]

Hang in there....Post Acute Withdrawals can last a while. They are the psychological part of your addiction. If you go to my Journals there is a part one, two and three about PAWS. Remember, this too shall pass.
I would start a taper down on the Benzos......they are WAY worse to be addicted too....don't be discouraged. Can you talk to a doctor about a Benzo taper plan? You are getting there and you will make it. You just have to remember you didn't get to this bad place in 21 days, so it will take a little longer than 21 days to get out of it....but you can do it!!!
Start getting off the benzos and I bet you will be feeling much better very soon.
hang in there and stay strong
Greatgreebo

[Sharon0255]

Thanks Sara yes I'm walking every day and I'm always running around in work.I think I stayed on the Benzos too long and they bit me. I can go a couple days without taking any and then I have to take like 2 mg at the end of the day because the shakes are so bad.
I', trying all the natural remedies but my pain level is through the roof but I know that will calm down. I really think my HEAD and this disease is messing with me.
Any help from this forum is appreciated, I didn't post a lot through the holidays but I got through flushing my pills cancelling my supply and going cold turkey here and i really need some guidance here, this is really tough.
I'm getting on my knees every morning and askingGod to remove my obsession and I will keep posting. Thanks

[dominosarah]

Congrats on your clean time!!  That is a great accomplishment so be proud of that~

I know the emotional part of this is tough but you will get thru it.  You are in control of you now, not your addiction.  Are you getting any type of exercise?  That helps as it gets our endorphins working.  Keep moving forward Sharon.  Lean on us as we will help you~~sara