LIFE REVOLVING AROUND TRAMADOL

[TMF1224]

I have been on tramadol for the past 8 years! I was perscribed it because i have an extreme bloating issue!(wenever i eat by stomach looks like im 8 months preg. An it hurts BAD! On top of that i only have a bm evry 20 to 30 days! The dr's can not figure it out so the kept putting me on all kinds of ibs drugs an sending me to gastro speacialists in the mean time they had me onhydrocdeine(sp) an after awhile i asked 2 b takin off of it becuz it made me sosick! So they put me on tramadol! That was the first day of the rest of my addicted life!
I am 28 an have 4 children (2,3,5,10) an have been with my husband 7 years! My dad is addicted to crack cocaine my sperm donor (bio dad) is an alcoholic an my mom is an alcoholic (just passed away from alcoholism) my oldest brother is addicted to alcohol. Etc... addiction is nothing new in our family HOWEVER! I dont drink i dont do 'drugs' an went to college did everything the way i was suppose 2! My family looks to me as the 'one who made it' i am there ALWAYS to pick up the pieces of my family finacially emotionaly physicaly u name it i have done it for my family! I have 2 younger brothers who i raised an went to school an took care of my own daughter!(yup teen mom:(
About 6 months ago i ran out of tramadol an 4got to call my perscription in the night b4! OMG. The feeling i had was un bareable! I felt like i had to keep flexing my muscles i was so damn hot an sweaty yet my skin was cold i felt very VERY aggrivated to the point i was yelling at my husband for looking at me! Then started crying when i found out the pharmacy was closed for another 2 hrs!( this was at 6 am) i couldnt go back to sleep or sit or stand nothing all i wanted to do was sit in walgreens parking lot an wait for the open sign to turn on! I had no idea what was happening to me! I felt like a totaly different person! If u know me i am 'super mom' the party thrower the car pooler the coach the pta an the mom 2 everyone! All my fam an friends call me martha (stewart) because im always pre pared on time an ready for the day! Yet heres what they dont know i set my alarm 1 hr b4 i need to wake up to take 2 pills, then when i get up i can actually function i chug a mountin dew get ready for work an take two more when i get to work i repeat this every 2 or 3 hours during evening (4pm an after) is my busiest part of day so i take 3 0r 4 every 2 or 3 hour by the time i get home i can barely sit because i am still in 'go' mode so i clean house get kids in bath cook dinner homework. An sit on couch till i can think straight !(mind u i also drink at least a 12pack of mountin dew a day!) Then i lay down lay there 4 an hr trying to fall asleep wake up an do it all over! I have a bottle of pills in my car,swim bag,purse, at work,bathroom,second car!! I guess i always felt like it was ok because it wasnt a narcotic pain pill! Boy was i wrong when i woke up that morning an had none i thought omg addiction snuck in an got me too!!
I want to start tappering off but what will happen to my family if im not there for everyone?and what will my family think? They'll think i have failed !i was suppose to b the 'good'one!=( the burdon seems overwhelming without the 'support' from tramadol! I no i havent hit rock bottom because i dont want to call my dr an tell him i need help to tapper because im scared then if i change my mind he wont perscribe anymore:( i get 300 pills a month for $30 if i had to get them offline i wouldnt be able to afford them!
Is this normal does anyone else have these feelings of worthlessness when ur not on tramadol? I feel like my body is being so dramatic yet i dont no how to say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! I FEEL VERY ALONE AN VERY SCARED! AN HONESTLY WHOEVER IS READING THIS IS THE ONLY PPL THAT NO MY HORRIBLE SECRET!:(

[LeaAnn807]

There are some things you can get to help out a lot along the way with the symptoms of WD.  I couldn't have lived with out a few of them when I stopped the tram for good last year.  I finally figured out that I couldn't tough it out on my own....in more ways than one!  But I didn't go down without a fight! : )

If you can, go to wal mart (or something similar) and get some imodium, nyquil, hyland's leg cramps with quinine and a supplement called Cal-Mag-Zinc.  I had restless arms, kinda arms but everywhere it seemed, and the things I listed helped me so much!  I had to try them to believe it!  Trust me....they work!  

[trace340]

I wish you well,i am recovering now from taking ultram although i have only took them for 2 years and maybe 4 a day on and off i have serious pins and needles in my exremities ,i am currently taking just 2 a day until eventualyl down to zero and then its day to day,but just remember your body will start making its own endorphins once again and then you can be free of the little devils.

[TMF1224]

Well not gona lie im getting nervous:( 2moro seems so real now. I just keep wondering what the dr will say an what his plan will b! My husband know has all my pills an bought me a pill sorter an puts the pills i can take for one day in it an then takes the rest of the pills to work with him! He did give me a half of one last nite at 3am becuz i couldnt sleep an felt like i had restless leg in my whole damn body i was so irratated an tired i was crying(wich is something i never do)

[LeaAnn807]

Having your husband keep your pills and give them to you during the taper is good advice.  Your doctor should be willing to help you without any reservations!  Getting off of them will be the best decision of your life! : )

[mydecemberblue]

Hi,

I began taking Tramadol for bad back pain. My job was physical so while I was working that job, I took the max allowed, which was 8 a day.

It took me a while to realize that the energy I felt, was from the Tramadol.  I liked the energy I had, and everyone noticed it and my mood was better.

I still had pain but it didn't seem to bother me, if that makes sense.

Anyway, I told my doctor after I quit that job that I began taking less and noticed that when I missed a dose I felt bad.  My BP went up pretty high actually, she checked it to verify it.  

So I was taking 8 a day, and she had me do such a slow taper it didn't affect me much.  I think 7 a day for a month. Then 6 a day for a month.  Then 5  a day for a month.  Then 4 a day for a month, then 3 a day for a month, then 2 a day for a month, then 1 a day for a month, then 1/2...we tried to go faster but I still had a lot of pain to deal with so that's why we went so slow.

If you can have your husband count them out for you, and dispense them for you, that would be great,..since you feel you may slip up.

After being off of them for a long time, I notice if I take one, I am very impatient.  I don't like to admit it because sometimes I tell my husband I'm impatient because of all the crap I have to deal with but most of the time he is right.  He can tell when I take one.  I don't take more than one IF I am in a LOT of pain..and that's in a day.  I take them only if I cannot stand the pain.

I've learned over the years that my body has adapted to the pain..it's not easy.  I am happy that you have a supportive husband.  I pray that you let him help you and you do the right thing.

[Dane74]

WOW!!!! Good for you, i am sure you feel so much better now that hubby knows???   But cheers to you for taking charge of your life and you will do just great, keep up the good work and keep us posted.....Dane

[ImDONENoMore]

This is such great news!!  Good for you - you're making a plan and that is a wonderful start.  You've opened up to your husband and now you're accountable to someone else.  You can do this TM and you've given yourself a real fighting chance to begin a life without the pills.  And it will be a much better one I can promise you that!!

Keep going!!  :)

[TMF1224]

I made an appt with my dr. Kind of mixed emotions i also sat down with my husband an told him he needs to help me round up all the bottles an pill stashes(starting tonight). I told him how bad it was an that i am 100% running solely on tramadol. I told him i will commit myself to the fullest of kicking this. I also let him read some of the side effects an crazy stuff u go thru during withdrawl so he can be prepared. I told him he mite need to take a couple of days off work when it starts to get bad because the stress of 4 kids going in all different directions mixed with mom having withdrawls is just asking for a freak out!! Tuesday at 145 is my appt. Here goes nothin!!

[Dane74]

Hey there, I totally understand what you are going through as i was the same way towards my husband and Yes he was a saint.  I would flip out on him for everything and he always use to say to me "I can never do anything right!"  And girl, he was right, everything he did just drove me crazy.  But on a good note the hardest thing i had to do was tell him the truth and i mean the real truth and that was harder for me than quitting.  But i did explain to him the reason i have been such a irate bitchhh was because i was addicted to Tram and percs.  The next step,  i gave him all the control of my pills and i had him hide my supply around the house so i cant get to them and binge like you did, and believe me i did many times, it would be a bad day, or a busy day, you name it i found the perfect excuse to just take a handful to just feel good.  Be prepared Tram sends your emotions running wild and you will find yourself crying allot but it's all good because you are starting to really "feel" again and that's what you need to do is "feel" on your own and not through a drug.  YOU CAN DO THIS AND YOU WILL!!!!  Your hubby has taken all this crap from you and believe me he now will want to help to get his old wife back.  Im almost 2 months clean and my marriage has been great for the last 6 weeks or so and he even said that the old me is back.  It is so worth it  for yourself and your family.  Be careful and ask your doc for a taper plan or if you can CT off the tram.  When i went to my doc and mentioned to him i am addicted he wanted to put me on more meds so just be careful.  Keep posting on here you will get lots of help for sure.  If it wasn't for medhelp i would not be in this position today, and i promise you this,  life is great once you conquer these demons!!!!  Best of luck to you....Dane

[ImDONENoMore]

How you doing today?

[selfinduced]

I completely agree with Dav. A Dr. that prescribed these pills in the first place will not refuse to help you wean. You can always relay to him , you want to reasses your pain level and try to get off your medication. Let him know when you miss doses you feel bad and think your dependent. I would be SHOCKED if he didn't give you a very sensible weaning schedule. If after that you find your cheating, then you need to do plan "B". Just think, the havioc in your life from pills may be minimum now, but that will increase. Stop the maddness before it gets worse. I;m here for you!

[Dav125]

TMF,,Breath,,slow down and breath..Need to get with your Dr and figure out a plan asap..You need some help here. You've got to slow that mental battle down in your head and talking with your Dr is the first step..You will find your way out of this but right now your trying to do too much on your own..You need to reach out for help and your Dr is the first stop...

[TMF1224]

I keep telling myself im strong enuf to do all this on my own an then i walk by a pill bottle an UGH!!
SO YESTERDAY I ONLY TOOK ONE IN THE MORNING THEN 1130 TOOK 1 AN WAS VERY ON EDGE BUT WAITED TILL 2 AN TOOK ANOTHER ....I WAS DOING SO GOOD UNTIL I COULDNT FIND MY SON(WHOS FIRST YEAR IN KINDERGARDEN) FREAKED OUTBECUZ HE WAS NO WHERE AN BECAUSE I HAD TO MAKE IT ACROSS TOWN 4 MY DAUGHTERS EYE APPT. IN 10MIN. I CALLED MY HUSBAND AN THE FIRST THING HE SAID WAS...DID U CHECK IN HIS CLASSROOM, OMG I FLIPPED OUT ON HIM! Duh ! Like i didnt check the damn classroom! So i hung up on him grabbed the bottle out of my purse an took 4! :( 2seconds after i found him an i was driving to dr office for my daughter it hit me what i had just done! :( that days hard work down the drain!!
Ok so if i call the dr to tapper.....what if he doesnt give me ANY to tapper with:( i think thats what im most scared of=( an i no i just need to tell myself WHO CARES DAMNIT DONT LET THESE DAMN ROUND STUPID WHITE PILLS RUN UR LIFE!! But they do:( i wish one of u were here so i could come running when i am on the verge of taking to many!

[ImDONENoMore]

trama's right - the OTC stuff does help SO much - and the thomas recipe and amino acid protocol are great - I too thought that stuff wouldn't help, but it really does.

And I was, on average taking up to 20 pills a day (sadly sometimes more) and quit cold turkey.  I didn't know at the time that tapering was a better, and safer way to go, so definitely connect with the Dr. and get a good plan in place.  It's time to take BACK control in your life.  You can DO this!!!

And GOOD for you for asking for support from your husband - baby steps here right?  Seems that's the way to go for real change to take place.

I'll keep rooting you on!!  :) p.s. and yeah, the bad mood thing and yelling at your husband?  I know ALL about that and so does my DH (this poor guy!) - but they're good men right ?  They can take it.  lol

[LeaAnn807]

Hey!  Hi, sorry!  I was in bed sick yesterday and just saw this.

The thing is that you have to get the "I can't do anything without it" thought out of your head.  You can.  You will.  Trust me!!!  It takes a month or so to get energy and sleep back, but everything else that you are dreading is over in about a week.  

The BEST thing you can do is tell your doctor.  You want to stop the flow of pills.  PLUS.....you need advice on the best way to stop.  Tell him you want to taper and stop.  He should give you a plan.  I stopped cold turkey.  I was done and didn't have the self control to taper.  That takes HUGE discipline to do successfully!

Ok, also look on the health pages at the Thomas Recipe and Amino Acid Protocol.  Both have good info.  The OTC stuff really does help the WDs.  I didn't believe it, but it does work! : )

[Dav125]

You got your hands full for sure TMF. I personally didn't get caught in the tramadol trap, but as Vicki and the other's have said, get with your Dr and taper..You've got alot on your plate..I know. I have 4 myself..The potato chip bag thing really reasonated with me..God, at times I felt like I was walking on egg shells when I finally parted company with oxycontins last January..Tramadol is a different animal though..Everything I've read from people's experiences in here lead me to believe taper is the way you want to go..Hopefully Tramahater will pick up on your thread here too. She can offer up alot of advice with her experience with getting away from it...Just do the best you can. Thats all you need to ask of yourself...

[TMF1224]

Thank u candi an selfinduced! This morning i woke up an only took one instead of 3! Feeling irrattated but holding strong. Took one at 7am my goal is to make it to noon. I went to drug store an got a multi vitamin an this stuff called ensure.? It said protein an other good stuff for u. I told my husband to b prepared for the worst an him (being the swwet guy he is) said he can take anything he just want 'me' to feel better. (He doesnt no how TRULY addicted i am:( well this is the first time i have ever even tried so here goes nothing!!

[Candi_RN]

Totally agree with the other posters, being an addict myself,(and yes, I am an rn), the first step is admitting it, which u did Here, but u do need to admit the problem to your md, so a plan can be made for the least uncomfortable detox. Anyway, congratulations on realizing you don't need this stuff to run your life! Life gets better when you are thinking clearer!

[selfinduced]

Your scenerio sounds JUST like mine was. My drug was different (vicoden), but everything else about our situation paralelle. The worst is having so much on your plate that dropping out of life for 3 days or so to withdraw was not an option. I met someone on here that was an amazing coach and had all the right words. I will ask if it is ok to pm you his name. The advice and infor on here will scare you and relieve you at the same time. Listen and try to impliment at least some of the advice now as you are considering what to do. Start the vitiams, amino's,protien shakes, so your body can be ready. Keep posting, you will do this!

[TMF1224]

Wow thank u 4 the overwhelming response! I really didnt know if anybody would read (my rather long post) i know i need to stop or at least tapper! I dont even know that the tramadol is getting me the energy i need anymore i litteraly take it to stay away from withdrawl. Most of the time i very moody an inpatient i yell at my poor husband for no reason:( i yelled at him last nite because when he was walking he kept clicking his ankle! I lost it because little things like that annoy me.he can chew food by me or eat a bag of chips because the crinkling of the bag makes me feel SO irratated!! I wake up an im litterally a zombie with an attitude problem until the tremadol kicks in!
U had asked how many i take...well everyday is different some days 10 some days ALOT more!:( good example...this last sunday i threw a back to school pool party in my backyard with my kids an all there friends an my friends! Of course being the 'martha' i am everything had 2 b perfect!! At one point i took 6 at one time because it hit 5pm an party had been going on since noon an i was losing my energy an had already taken 2 so i took 4 more!! Sad thing it only made me shaky an full of anxeity! Also gives me horrible stomach aches an noo hunger! I only eat once a day an was always a healthy 5'6" an weighed 115lbs. Now i am maybe (its been awhile since i weighed myself) a 100lbs. How come it is soo hard for me to just STOP! IM SO ANGRY WITH MYSELF! THIS IS NOT ME! Everytime i say im gona cut down i have an excuse! Like i just put in for a new job...what if i get a call for an interview on a day im going threw withdrawl? An i take care of my kids 24/7 what if i lose it or i take it out on them! U guys have no idea how much i envy u! I want to have your strength to quit!! I dont want this anymore an i know i need to suck it up an b a better me for my kids i just dont know i have the dtrength to do it! How did u guys muster up the courage to do it? An when u did did u get irratated an mean like i do? How much should i tapper?
I hate the 'me' i am but im very thankful someone on this earth knows the truth! Thank u for your support! I look forward to checking my post evryday so i can read back thru all of it an tell myself someone believes in me enough to do this! ICAN DO THIS!(i hope:(....

[vicki595]

nightowl-  How much Coricidin do you take?  Have you ever talked with anyone about it?
I think some of the residual symptoms that you have are from that and not the Tramadol.
Please get with your physician,okay?  And maybe start your own thread so we can keep track of you?

Good luck!

[selfinduced]

What is coricidin? Can you talk to the same Dr. that rx'd the tramadol about the new dependency?

[nightowl22]

You should definately get away from the tramadol. I had a seizure from abusing this medication. I didn't even have a clue that I had dropped until paramedics were all around me. I was so embarrassed, but that wasn't the half of it. This happened in front of my children at a restaurant. They thought I was playing around when I clutched my chest and my eyes rolled back into my head. I fell right off of the chair and slammed my head on the tile floor, shattering my teeth and knocking myself unconcious. I had a severe concussion that took me a long time to recover from. I couldn't even tell the paramedics my children's dates of birth or other information that usually was so familiar to me. I have never been the same and I wish I had never taken that drug. My dr prescribed it to me like candy with seemingly no thought to what kind of problems taking it long term would be. It has been 8 yrs ago and my life has never been the same. I have an addictive tendency that is found in most of my relatives on my father's side. I know it has to be in our genetics because it is rampant with pills and some alcoholism. While I don't abuse tramadol any more, I have gone on to Coricidin and have used it for the last 7 yrs!! I have no idea why this is so hard for me to give up. My kidneys are hurting all of the time and I have developed horrible neuropathys in my body that I hope are reversible, but I don't know for sure, cause I can't string more than 1-2 days without taking any!!!!!! I hate myself and feel like I am dying. I just want it to stop, I feel completely hopeless about it. I'm so tired of praying but not being able to really kick it. It is ruining my life in so many ways. No one would believe that I am addicted to such a thing,and I am ashamed to admit it. SO TIRED OF THIS CYCLE!!! I want off!! I WANT MY LIFE BACK!!!!!!

[ImDONENoMore]

OH boy is right.  I know EXACTLY where you are right now T1224.  G-d do I know.

I was hooked on that poison for over six years and it RAN MY LIFE.  Getting them, counting them, getting them early, then getting in trouble.  Finding new Dr.'s - running out the pharmacy at all hours of the day (yup, I'd sneak out in the middle of the night WITHOUT my husband knowing to pick them up.)  It was HORRIBLE.

Now, that being said, it is totally POSSIBLE to stop.  I never thought it was, but I was more wrong about that than I have been about anything else in my life.  I too thought I had to "keep" my family together - what a joke.  They have done just FINE without my constant invovlement and your family will too.  I know, the tram messes with your head and you're not thinking straight right now (this drug will do that).  It's an almost "paranoid" feeling right?  That if you stop the entire world is going to BLOW UP?  But nope - it didn't and it won't.

So tell me where you're at - I totally agree with vicki - you need to start with the Dr.  And that too was the scariest step for me because I thought like you're thinking now - if I tell him, he'll never give the drug to me again.  And that's EXACTLY what you have to do.  I even did it with the pharmacies I used - told them (yeah I was a member of quite a few pharmacies) I could no longer be given narcotics because I don't know how to take them responsibly.  And yes, it was hard - really hard.  But it has to be done.  Once you know you can't go back - and you are finally accountable to someone else other than yourself, can you begin finding your way back.

Feel free to message me direct if you want and I'll share with you what I did to deal with the symptoms of withdrawal from this crap.  And vicki is also right when she mentioned the other members here - who are amazing people - they will be of great support to you now as well.

You only have to start with one step - admitting you have a problem to those who matter.  Now whether that begins with your Dr., only, or your family and/or friends as well is up to you.  But I have to tell you - "our secrets keep us sick" (thanks gnarly - another great member of this place).  It wasn't until I finally told my husband how completely out of control it all was, could I finally look at what I was doing - look at myself, and realize there had to be a better way to live.  And you CAN do this!!  I'm here if you want to talk.

:) (welcome back)