LIFE REVOLVING AROUND TRAMADOL

[TMF1224]

I have been on tramadol for the past 8 years! I was perscribed it because i have an extreme bloating issue!(wenever i eat by stomach looks like im 8 months preg. An it hurts BAD! On top of that i only have a bm evry 20 to 30 days! The dr's can not figure it out so the kept putting me on all kinds of ibs drugs an sending me to gastro speacialists in the mean time they had me onhydrocdeine(sp) an after awhile i asked 2 b takin off of it becuz it made me sosick! So they put me on tramadol! That was the first day of the rest of my addicted life!
I am 28 an have 4 children (2,3,5,10) an have been with my husband 7 years! My dad is addicted to crack cocaine my sperm donor (bio dad) is an alcoholic an my mom is an alcoholic (just passed away from alcoholism) my oldest brother is addicted to alcohol. Etc... addiction is nothing new in our family HOWEVER! I dont drink i dont do 'drugs' an went to college did everything the way i was suppose 2! My family looks to me as the 'one who made it' i am there ALWAYS to pick up the pieces of my family finacially emotionaly physicaly u name it i have done it for my family! I have 2 younger brothers who i raised an went to school an took care of my own daughter!(yup teen mom:(
About 6 months ago i ran out of tramadol an 4got to call my perscription in the night b4! OMG. The feeling i had was un bareable! I felt like i had to keep flexing my muscles i was so damn hot an sweaty yet my skin was cold i felt very VERY aggrivated to the point i was yelling at my husband for looking at me! Then started crying when i found out the pharmacy was closed for another 2 hrs!( this was at 6 am) i couldnt go back to sleep or sit or stand nothing all i wanted to do was sit in walgreens parking lot an wait for the open sign to turn on! I had no idea what was happening to me! I felt like a totaly different person! If u know me i am 'super mom' the party thrower the car pooler the coach the pta an the mom 2 everyone! All my fam an friends call me martha (stewart) because im always pre pared on time an ready for the day! Yet heres what they dont know i set my alarm 1 hr b4 i need to wake up to take 2 pills, then when i get up i can actually function i chug a mountin dew get ready for work an take two more when i get to work i repeat this every 2 or 3 hours during evening (4pm an after) is my busiest part of day so i take 3 0r 4 every 2 or 3 hour by the time i get home i can barely sit because i am still in 'go' mode so i clean house get kids in bath cook dinner homework. An sit on couch till i can think straight !(mind u i also drink at least a 12pack of mountin dew a day!) Then i lay down lay there 4 an hr trying to fall asleep wake up an do it all over! I have a bottle of pills in my car,swim bag,purse, at work,bathroom,second car!! I guess i always felt like it was ok because it wasnt a narcotic pain pill! Boy was i wrong when i woke up that morning an had none i thought omg addiction snuck in an got me too!!
I want to start tappering off but what will happen to my family if im not there for everyone?and what will my family think? They'll think i have failed !i was suppose to b the 'good'one!=( the burdon seems overwhelming without the 'support' from tramadol! I no i havent hit rock bottom because i dont want to call my dr an tell him i need help to tapper because im scared then if i change my mind he wont perscribe anymore:( i get 300 pills a month for $30 if i had to get them offline i wouldnt be able to afford them!
Is this normal does anyone else have these feelings of worthlessness when ur not on tramadol? I feel like my body is being so dramatic yet i dont no how to say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! I FEEL VERY ALONE AN VERY SCARED! AN HONESTLY WHOEVER IS READING THIS IS THE ONLY PPL THAT NO MY HORRIBLE SECRET!:(

[selfinduced]

Your scenerio sounds JUST like mine was. My drug was different (vicoden), but everything else about our situation paralelle. The worst is having so much on your plate that dropping out of life for 3 days or so to withdraw was not an option. I met someone on here that was an amazing coach and had all the right words. I will ask if it is ok to pm you his name. The advice and infor on here will scare you and relieve you at the same time. Listen and try to impliment at least some of the advice now as you are considering what to do. Start the vitiams, amino's,protien shakes, so your body can be ready. Keep posting, you will do this!

[Candi_RN]

Totally agree with the other posters, being an addict myself,(and yes, I am an rn), the first step is admitting it, which u did Here, but u do need to admit the problem to your md, so a plan can be made for the least uncomfortable detox. Anyway, congratulations on realizing you don't need this stuff to run your life! Life gets better when you are thinking clearer!

[TMF1224]

Thank u candi an selfinduced! This morning i woke up an only took one instead of 3! Feeling irrattated but holding strong. Took one at 7am my goal is to make it to noon. I went to drug store an got a multi vitamin an this stuff called ensure.? It said protein an other good stuff for u. I told my husband to b prepared for the worst an him (being the swwet guy he is) said he can take anything he just want 'me' to feel better. (He doesnt no how TRULY addicted i am:( well this is the first time i have ever even tried so here goes nothing!!

[Dav125]

You got your hands full for sure TMF. I personally didn't get caught in the tramadol trap, but as Vicki and the other's have said, get with your Dr and taper..You've got alot on your plate..I know. I have 4 myself..The potato chip bag thing really reasonated with me..God, at times I felt like I was walking on egg shells when I finally parted company with oxycontins last January..Tramadol is a different animal though..Everything I've read from people's experiences in here lead me to believe taper is the way you want to go..Hopefully Tramahater will pick up on your thread here too. She can offer up alot of advice with her experience with getting away from it...Just do the best you can. Thats all you need to ask of yourself...

[LeaAnn807]

Hey!  Hi, sorry!  I was in bed sick yesterday and just saw this.

The thing is that you have to get the "I can't do anything without it" thought out of your head.  You can.  You will.  Trust me!!!  It takes a month or so to get energy and sleep back, but everything else that you are dreading is over in about a week.  

The BEST thing you can do is tell your doctor.  You want to stop the flow of pills.  PLUS.....you need advice on the best way to stop.  Tell him you want to taper and stop.  He should give you a plan.  I stopped cold turkey.  I was done and didn't have the self control to taper.  That takes HUGE discipline to do successfully!

Ok, also look on the health pages at the Thomas Recipe and Amino Acid Protocol.  Both have good info.  The OTC stuff really does help the WDs.  I didn't believe it, but it does work! : )

[ImDONENoMore]

trama's right - the OTC stuff does help SO much - and the thomas recipe and amino acid protocol are great - I too thought that stuff wouldn't help, but it really does.

And I was, on average taking up to 20 pills a day (sadly sometimes more) and quit cold turkey.  I didn't know at the time that tapering was a better, and safer way to go, so definitely connect with the Dr. and get a good plan in place.  It's time to take BACK control in your life.  You can DO this!!!

And GOOD for you for asking for support from your husband - baby steps here right?  Seems that's the way to go for real change to take place.

I'll keep rooting you on!!  :) p.s. and yeah, the bad mood thing and yelling at your husband?  I know ALL about that and so does my DH (this poor guy!) - but they're good men right ?  They can take it.  lol