I have been reviewing the posts here and am not surprised to see so many people with a Vic problem.
Without going into to much drama about myself; the details aren't important, all I can say is at 53 years old, I have found myself in an uncomfortable position in life. I am starting over from ground zero. Everything I owned, loved and knew in my old life is gone. My health is failing, I used to be a real "gym-rat". At about age 50, I learned to trian properly, eat everything I could to gain, (I have a very fast metabolism); at 5' 4" I weighed 170 lbs and benched easily 250 lbs. I had such a strong personality and my new physic landed me a part time job as a bar bouncer.
I had my thyroid removed a couple years ago, and although I was battling depression before that, once the thyroid was gone, I plunged into uncontrollable depression. I had no motivation to live any longer, I couldn't force food down my throat, became very reclusive and fearful of the world outside my door. I soon lost all the muscle I worked so hard to gain, I dropped form 170 to 125 lbs. In a very short time
I have no hobbies, no interests, and nothing at all gives me any kind of pleasure or peace. I am on disability and consequently can't afford to do much of anything, not that I care to anymore.
My new wife, (no comparison to the former wife of 29 years), introduced me to Vicodinland. I found that by taking 2 7.5s, I could manage the simple tasks of life, such as bathing, balancing my checkbook, etc.
I got my Dr. to prescribe me Vicodin along with the already prescribed Soma for back pain; which is why I draw SSD.
Before the Vic exposure, I literally could not function, I was a zombie. Smoking 3 packs a day drinking coffee all day and often sitting in the dark staring at a TV that may or may not have been on.
Anyway, to the point. I have been diagnosed in severe clinical depression. The counselors and shrinks are no help.
I tried celexa and most recently zoloft fot the depression to no avail. I am tired of the experimental treatment and have found that the only thing that helps to motivate me are the Vics. I start my day at about 6 a.m. by popping 2 7.5s on an empty stomach, (otherwise they don't do anything). I drink a few cups of coffee and smoke a bunch and wait for the buzz. YEAH I'M HOOKED! I am just glad to find a place I can admit it anonymously. I can't let my friends or old family know my secret. Life really *****.
Without the Vicodin, I have racing thoughts; all terror of what my life is becoming, how long do I have, will my grown sons ever accept me again. Thoughts of my former "good" life depress me to tears.
I take more Vicodin than I am supposed to in a day, and sweat out the last 4 or 5 days before my refills by only have 1 a day to try and survive.
Someone suggested Ridilin for the racing thoughts, but I have heard that is about as addictive as Vicodin. I am in school and trying to build a new life and begin a career once I graduate in a year.
I am completely unable to function without the Vicodin, and that not only angers me that I have become an addict, but it naturally scares me as well.
I don't know why I am even typing this, but I am thankful for this forum. I have gleaned a little info on some vitamin supplements that may help, but my depression is overwhelming.; not to the point that I would ever hurt myself or anyone else, I just curl up in a ball and cry, hoping to go to bed and not wake up the next day to the same vicious cycle over & over each day.
I am not happy with anything about my life or myself, but I am trapped, due to a number of things I have no control over. I won't bore you with the details if you made it this far, I thank you for at least reading my post.
A trapped soul