i am drud addict

[chriskat777]

i need help and i cant afford rehab... i am pissed off at the world... i quit oxys and 3 months...  

[chriskat777]

I am sorry... My friend gave me $100 today and I went to go get a refill... I was and still am very depressed...  I feel miserable using and being sober... I don't know what the awser is anymore...  Thanks for your help and I will come back when I am ready to jump...  Thank you...

[ready4mylifeback]

understandable that u r scared to black list yourself..some people HAVE to do it to stay sober some don't i stayed clean for over 3 yrs w out black listing myself BUT i also wanted it w EVERTHING in me to be clean and off the pills... i would not be doign this again if it werent for them surgeries... i have a very happy life a beautiful home 2 wonderful babies and a great husband i have NO reason to want these things or be on them except for the fact my body got used to them again which caused me to have to detox again.. however i was only on them for a couple months and not near as high as dose as before so it isnt as bad but still not cofortable.. bottom line it boils down to YOU wanting to be done u will quit when u r ready if you are not ready u will get the refills when they r avail.. hopefully u decide to quit sooner rather than later.. the reason i say it is harder is because the longer u use you usage just gets higher and harder to quit.. good luck hope things go well for you as everyone deserves a clean lifestyle... esp if u have been on drugs a better part of 15 yrs obviously it isnt working for you

[chriskat777]

Also I burned with a lighter a script for oxys last month FYI that was awesome... But, if I hadn't I would be back to square 1

[chriskat777]

I am a little confused on the longer the usage the harder to quit... Cause the majority of the last 15 years I've been on hydrocodone and quit a few times the last time was like 4 years ago sober for 6 months and thought I could control it...  But I wasn't on hydros for a year while I was on oxys except for getting a little once in awhile which I relized weren't doing anything...  I am out of hydros now... ANd scraed to death to black list myself... Just being honest...

[ready4mylifeback]

been reading your post and just wanted to say to keep going toward your goal to get free of these pills.. w d are not fun but they don't last very long and your life w out pills will be amazing u will start to get all your senses back it really is amazing.. i would def say cancel those refills when your body starts hurting or your mind you will be re filling them.. the longer the usage the harder it is to quit.. before long u will possiably be back on the oxy... u just have to make up your mind that you want this and then do it.. i know it is hard i have done it already was clean for over 3 yrs best part of my life.. had some surgeries a few months ago and after a few short weeks of being on them from post op pain i was hooked again physically.. now i am on day 4 and am already feeling better.. i can see clearer and it gets better w every new day!! my prayers are with you that you find the strength to get clean for good those pills just take your life and everything in it.. i am sry for everythign you have been through that is a lot.. everyone of us on here started this addiction w painful things happening in our lives or just dumb dr's mis prescribing these meds.. but they won't ever take any of the blame to this day they r crazily mis prescribing that is when we just have to stand up and say NO!!! keep posting there is lots of support on here when u r up at night cuz u can't sleep sit and read post i have read post that are 5 yrs old lol... it really does help and good thing u have your sense of humor keep that mind set and stay strong.. and get rid of those refills:)

[weaver71]

If you call the pharmacy and tell them to red flag you as an addict, they will not give you any pills ever again. You will be in a data base that will pop up at any pharmacy. I think it is a good idea. As you know, if you pick back up, it only gets harder each time. As you get clean, your mind will start to tell you it's okay to take one every once in a while, or at least that's what happened to me over and over. I told doctors, friends, dealers, everyone. I felt a sense of surrender when I had done that. You will have money again some day. I lived in the streets and now own a house, I can afford pills financially, but not mentally or physically. Keep that go get em attitude. I gave up on making life easy, I'm focused on making it worth it.

[chriskat777]

oh yeah and my cat died...

[chriskat777]

My Story....

Well, its long... Well not long, but it would take me a month typing to explain a little of it so I will fast forward to the last 5 years.   My mom got sick and now she is dying... I got a divorce becuase my wife cheated on me...   My aunt jumped of a bridge and tried to commit sucide, I don't know how she lived but she is messed up now..   I went bancrupt  was homeless for a little while, lost my job, car got repoded... And picked up a oxy addiction after I hurt my back...

And now I feel like I want to scream but I can't becuase I would wake people up in the house... I guess I could go outside but that would make the neibours mad and call the police...   I guess I can't scream....  Well I want to punch my pillow but I would feel sorry for it...loll..... At least I have my sense of humor   Well I guess I could jump off but but all there is buts   god help me.... I have no money.... That i s a good thing becuase I can't pick up my script....

wow....I am like a baby again have to learn everything all over again.... . Well I was superman and my dr was lex luther and gave me crptonite sp?  Welll us mortals must deal with hell before we can fly... I just ranting and it feels good...

peace
chriskat

[chriskat777]

They told me to go to rehab and I said yes yes yes........ Well, I am down to one pill now........ Even that the withdrawl symptoms are not as bad as the oxys I can't stand it... Well, I am up at 2am and I feel like well I can't type that because it would be blocked out...

[chriskat777]

I don't know what happened with my title to this post... But, I want to clarify that I AM A DRUG ADDICT and not a drud addict what ever that means... Its kinda of funny  Well very funnny ... lol

[chriskat777]

Thank you so much...   I am done getting high I am not getting high anymore... These hydros are doing nothing anymore for me...  I am jumping these last 2 pills are annoying.... I just want to be better now...  And I know what is ahead of me.. No sleep... And I love I mean LOVE sleep... I am dreeding insomina it will not be any fun....  you guys are great and thank you for being there for me... I will fight like a boxer and never give up either I am going to knock out my opponenet or he will knock me out... But, I am not scared I will get in the ring like ali and feed off the crowd to WIN!!!!

[smartgirlbadecisions]

i am going on day four right now. i am so glad i made the decision to quit. you can do this, you can only go up from here, please, have faith. this site has helped me through my WDs. i was doing so many pills. so many pills. but i want sobriety more than i want to get high so i guess thats just me. i want you to make the jump too. you can do it!!!!!!! trust me, if i can do it, so  can you sweetheart. we have life to live. not chemicals. they lie to us, and leave us with nothing. they dont care. but we care. please, please, find the strength. yeah, you might feel like crap but what is a few days compared to the rest of your life???
hugs and love

[chriskat777]

Yeah, I've been reading this forum for a long long time before I even diceded to post... It helps but right now I can't sleep and craving candy not pills its wierd...   How do I cancel a script never done that before...  I am scared I don't feel good...   I know this is best for me to stay clean I just don't understand why these crack head doctors perscribe such meds.... I am still pissed off..... But love you all... Stay clean.. peace.... btw my story is long and when I feel up to it I will share... thanks

[weaver71]

When I jumped, I kept reading posts and peoples responses to keep my mind off my own pain. I found that it helps me to step outside of myself. The Thomas Recipe at the bottom of this page helps a lot as well. I haven't been able to sleep for weeks, so I find myself passing time here. I also keep in mind that no matter how huge a problem is, drugs CAN make it worse.

I would call and cancel those scripts. Tell anyone that might give you pills not to. When you are ready you are ready. I remember having a little conversation with my pills and saying goodbye. It may sound strange, but it helped me let it go and surrender to my path. I still had some attachment that I can't explain. You have support here.

[chriskat777]

Do i want to quit hydros.... yes... they don't do anything and my tolerance is all screwed up...   I am going down in flames... I need to jump out and pull my parcute....

[chriskat777]

Thank you... I think I am a hyprocondriack sp?   I thought I might have paws.... I just hate this feeling of sober but hate being in a haze more... I am confused.... I never done this I mean I have quit before but this is different why becuase I quit hardcore oxys it is no where to hydros.... sorrry for the rant I just want to scream.....

[vicki595]

You don't have PAWS...you're not post acute withdrawal...

You should cancel those refills. It will go a long way toward your goal. Yes, it really bites but it's not forever, as you know.

Just keep yelling and keep posting. We know exactly how you feel!

[weaver71]

That's great that you switched to hydros and have been tapering, maybe not perfectly, but it seems better than the oxys you where taking. The point is, progress rather than perfection. Progress is success in the making.

I know how hard it can be with sponsors. I had a sponsor share my fifth step all over the small town I live in and it hurt other people. Man I was mad. I had trust issues when I tried to work a program and my sponsor made it worse. I didn't trust the program for years. Now, I'm back in NA and don't care what people say, as long as I stay sober. I grew to a point that I was going to die if I didn't quit. Death is worse than hypocrisy or gossip. I am careful about who I share with, because I don't want to hurt anyone anymore. You are in a good place with this forum.

If you make a plan and reach out, people here are real and will help in any way they can. I'm glad you want your life back, you can do this. Do you feel ready to jump off of hydros and do whatever it takes?

[chriskat777]

Oh... the 30mg 4 times a day went up in 2 weeks it sucked then I tapered and went thru hell that was 3 months ago....  Did I metion this *****...




lol...

[chriskat777]

The last time I had oxycodone was 3 months ago.. Now the last 3 months I tapered with hydrocodone...  I am dropping off right now...  I have 2 pills left and a 2 refills but I don't want them... This *****...  I don't want to relapse I am trying hard but think I have paws...

[vicki595]

Could you explain once more where you are with the drugs? When was the last time you used anything? What happened to the 30mg?  Sorry...I'm easily confused. LOL

There are many great people here so you've come to the right place!  Keep writing...

[chriskat777]

THank you free freee and weaver you guys are real...l My inspiration to quit was emiem,,,,  I watched not afraid video many times and it gets me amped to quit... I am sick of people juging and not taking responibity for there own actions.... its bs...

[chriskat777]

Yeah, I was on oxycodone for over a year 10mg 6 times a day and the last time 3 months ago they raised it to 30mg which made me feel like it was out of control...  So the last 3 months I been on hydrocodone 10mg 6 times a day but I am quiting that tooo.   I jumped off the hydrocodone and got amped for 3 days and now I am crashing.l...

This suckssssss.....   I feel like i want to go to rehab but I blew all my money on drugs...  I can't stand it I have a friend that was supposed to be my sponseer but he uses like cocane meth and stuff and he said I am beyond a drug addict and he is just self medicating... I think he is full of it and I am pissed..;. really pissed cause I realized everyone around me is on something... And they look down on me becuase I amidt I have a problem and they agree but are in denial about there ownl..

[weaver71]

Hey chriskat, I'm pissed of at the world too. Talk to us so we can tell you how we deal with it. Opiate addiction is too much alone. We need you. Tell us you story.