Mental Issues

[witsend0603]

I know I posted a little while ago but I'm just sitting here reading some of your stories and I need some help with the mental aspect of all this... I am sitting here right now with the thought of Lortab completely comsuming me... my mind is just idling on tabssssssss......I heard my husband call a friend of his this morning to see if he could get some... I can't tell you how my mood changed til I heard him say his friend wasn't home.. complete sinking feeling.. I just don't understand how I got here... I have always been a responsible person, never even took Tylenol until it was a last resort.  I have a family history with genetics and abuse and I knew this which is why I never wanted to take anything... too afraid I could become addicted... and now here I am ... guess I was right all along.....  :*(

[Charetti]

Yes the ebbs and flows of our addictions.  I remember being enraged at my sister becuase I knew she had pills and hadnt offered me any!  I had to take a step back and look at myself.  Like you this was never going to happen to me. I am the designated driver most of my life, and if I drank more than 3 drinks I took a cab.  But those lovely little pills didnt intoxicate me, the just made life a little softer...at first.  After years of use I no longer even got that cloudy feeling, just the absense of sick.  Thats no way to live.  I am 11 days clean now.

I wish you the best of luck on your journey and truly hope you can find the inner strength to find your way back.

[Fergman]

It's awful isn't it?  We've become slaves of the feeling a few little pills gives us.  For me, it's downright pathetic.  I can't tell you how I've messed up my family, my job and, in general, my life.  All because I couldn't walk away from pills.  Sick, sick and more sick.  I don't know what to tell you about the cravings.  I guess you have to ask yourself if you're really "done" or not.  Sounds like you still have one foot in the mess.  All I can say is that it took me a long time (and lots of heartbreak) to desire a sober and clean life.  And it hasn't been that long........the mental effort becomes focused on what needs to be done in my life and not in medicating it.  Had enough of that but sometimes really miss it because it was getting to be all I knew.  I loved that glow and energy that the opiates gave me.  I miss it, but I don't miss all the troubles that came with it.  I didn't buy off the street.  It was all legitimate pharmacies that supported my habit, so I never thought I was an "addict."  My parents were severe alcolholics, so I knew that my genetic path was probably going to be clouded.  Don't feel alone.  The worst part of my old life was when my scripts ran out.  Witdrawals.  I got on suboxone for 6 weeks and then tapered off that.  It was a miracle drug for me.  Perhaps you should look into it???