Methadone Withdrawal at home 10mg started!

[BamaIndian]

I want to start off saying "Hello!". I've spent the last 72 hours reading this website. I've combed through countless threads (old & new), looking to see if my topic has been covered or answered. Either I haven't found it or it's never been posted.

It's taking a lot of guts for me to be honest, I mean - a lot. No one knows I'm on methadone. I have self medicated from a recovery off of pain pills. The semantics of how many pills, what kind - these no longer matter as methadone is what I'm dealing with. Of course, hindsight is that I should have toughed / braved the withdrawl from pills but, I was not ready to make the mental recovery. I am now.

I self medicated myself at 10mgs (wafer) in the AM, every day for 1 year. I'm done. I've moved to another state and again, no one knows. I have zero plans to get into the system here. We all have things we could lose so I won't go into some tirade how I'm more special than others. I'm not. We are all equal here. Regardless, my choice is a home detox. There is no chance for subs or bus. This is it folks.

I took my last 10mg wafer on Weds. It's now edging on Friday AM. I slept great of course Weds night, although I have strep and I'm not feeling over all great. I doubt I have symptoms of W/D now although I do hurt all over (like a body flu) and I'm having the shivers and chills. Again, it could be the flu but I've felt W/D before. I feel "gritty" all over and just achy. I didn't have this with my sore throat. I also am starting to feel "out of body". Nothing alarming. Nothing that's upsetting, if anything it's a relief in a sense because if I'm headed for anything I've read- I know these hours or this day is a precious rarity. I'm also due to get my monthly (Oh, I'm female) so that should add in a decent amount of pain. I swear, I picked the WORST time to cut myself off. Oh well. Is there ever a perfect time in ones life? Hardly.

Since I became sick 3 days before detoxing, it's already in the mindset of family that I'm "ill". I should be able to pass this one off. I work at home, although I'm a single mother. The kids are in school all day (and self sufficient too), I have nothing planned till next week (and it's nothing I can't cancel if need be.). What I didn't find much of an answer to, and while I know that you can't predict how bad it will be ; how bad is this going to be? ;)  Here's my "health" background.

33. No diseases, illness to report (other than being sick at the throat).  110 lbs, 5 ft 7

No depression other than general laziness from methadone. Wait, did anyone else become highly agitated while on it and anti social? Good god! Anyway..

Single (no one at home other than kids.)

work from home.

NO INSURANCE.

Here's my detox

As of right this second, I'm around 36 hours sober.

I was on 10mgs wafter of methadone (NOTHING ELSE)

I have no xanax etc here and personally I won't take it.

Going through this withdrawal I will only have my inner strength, imodium, Tylenol PM and vitamins. I've taken my vitamins, cut out red meat but ate well (I do anyway these days). I have bad back cramps from my period so that should be expected.

I feel:

1. Cold toes but warm hands and body

2. Constant chills

3. body aches (like the flu starting)

4.Oily in the face and skin (I've already taken a shower)

5. No hunger

I know that the average "kick in" time for w/d is 5 days. Is that expected too because of the 10mgs / 1 year?  As far as pain is concerned, I've read it's more depression and upset (plus body aches). Is this true? I found it so hard to find answers that would be near mine, everyone that I had read had the option of sub's, bus or began taking xanax etc/ heroin and I don't / won't have those options. This is it. I have the mentality of being "done" and while comfort meds are a god send, they aren't an option. The most I would accept would be something for anxiety as I'm prone to it and blood pressure meds. Again, neither are even close to optional. I don't have the reserve (funds) nor insurance at the moment. I just relocated and this is seriously it. How long will I be ready to rip out my hair? I don't have vital things to do but I'm staying busy and keep up with the house work while I can. I'm active as a parent so my days of being in bed or in a shower for long periods are rather limited. I did work out today (again, trying to get in while I can) and did some minor work.

Any advice, help or kind words are so badly needed. I've never told anyone other than my done suplier about this. It's very private for me and I want to come to terms with it too, not just w/d and bury the issue. I know what made me an addict and I will fight this temptation as long as I live. I'm not blind to this fact. My goal is to not waste anymore time or stall time I should say. I did live while on methadone and I did work on me. Everything is in the right place. I want to meet people now. I want to meet someone. I didn't want to do those things before, mostly because this issue is private and I didn't want to pull someone in on this. They wouldn't get "me" they would get a very hurt woman who's being dishonest. That isn't fair.

Just losing one dose has made my mood much more "even" and I'm definitely nicer. I don't feel good (being sick and w/d fear) but I'm not confused feeling or even preoccupied. It's nice although I'd like to feel together not w/d + sick with strep.

Okay, that's it. That's my novel. I'll check this frequently while I detox. I chose to sign up not just for selfish reasons but also so this thread will exist. If anyone ever is in my place, this will exist. They aren't alone.

[BamaIndian]

Thank you Gnarly! Nothing to report as far as psychological. I'm just now considering going to the DR for help in the sleep department. I can't tell if I am having energy crashes as I'm going without much sleep so I always feel exhausted. I work 9 hours a day, traveling 2 hours both ways to work and I'm in high heels and busting my butt. I work very hard and strange hours too. I don't feel terrific but I also don't feel as bad as people kept claiming I would. I'm sure there are still detox like effects (beyond insomnia) taking place but for the most part I feel I'm 80% better. I have moments where I feel like garbage and gritty, but I don't pay it much mind and I stay occupied. I do have to say that I feel I chose the correct time of year to do this. I think if I decided to detox in the winter or fall, I would have failed to some extent. Because it's warm, the sun is out and summer is nearing - I wanted to feel better much quicker so i applied myself to the fullest. I wouldn't go back on methadone if they gave me all the money in the free world. I really wish they would make it harder for people to get it and require addicts who are fearing detoxing from opiates - a 10 day medical detox instead. Methadone has little to no advantage for the addict, I don't care what anyone has to say about it. It's easier to get through 72 hours of dope sick (with 5 days of recouping physically) then it is to go through essentially 20+ days of TOTAL detox with 2 months post with your body attempting to realign itself. I will maintain that it's not the answer, not even close.

[gnarly_1]

HI YOUR doing great!! if your up to snuff in 30 days your beeting the usual recourse with methadone the sleep thing is the last to return im really suprised you dident get hit with the energy crash but if not all the better just remember this stuff is cyclic so if you get hit with a few down days its normal and they will pass...I highly recommend N/A or one of the other support groups this is about the time the mind screw starts to mess with your head these groups will help with that comingo off this stuff you go threw stages its best to be ready for what it can throw at you again your off to agood start keep yu the good work cudos on your postive attitude it makes all the difference I wish you well in your recovery good luck and God bless......Gnarly
  

[BamaIndian]

Hey all, it's been 30 days as of today. Just a recap

1. insomnia still remains the beast of burden
2. Random detox smell when I sweat

that's it. I can't believe I white knuckled 30 days!

[BamaIndian]

I've noticed the cycling. I'm back to work on Monday (I teach ballet here now) . I have no worries about "wanting". I've not thought of it, in any capacity. I'm a bit of a unique ex "user". I don't smoke. I don't drink. I'm vegan and I can be around any narcotic and not care. If I feel a "need" I'll seek N/A. I"m not worried about my post recovery as much as I am just getting mobile.

I did take 1 xanax last night, slept 10 hours. I'm going to go without tonight - next Thursday. I've got pretty good self discipline and a stubborn mind lol. I'm also highly traumatized by the entire methadone withdrawal.

Symptoms? Since I slept 10 hours, I have zero. That's been my nightmare. I was out at a graduation and dinner last night for 6 hours. No problems to report.

[gnarly_1]

HI  dont know what causes the reaction in some people one of our members ''tramhater'' says its the antihistamine that cause it she is a wealth of info you my want to ask her....I also wanted to tell you methadone is very cyclic you will be feeling better then BAM it puts you down again this is fairly common so dont freak if it happens to you....your recovery is going really well im so happy for you the last few I have helped out have had relatively mild withdrawals .....this stuff is notorious for putting you down for 60 to 90 days thats whats beginning to make me think they have changed the formula just keep pushing forward and keep that positive attitude going on your doing good....now its time to start to look for some sort of aftercare b/4 the mind games start hang in there......Gnarly    

[BamaIndian]

Gnarly,

  Any idea what it is about the tylenol PM that causes the reaction? So friggin' weird! My dr gave me 7 day supply of xanax. I'm taking one tonight but saving the rest for anytime it's really bad. I don't want to take it 7 days in a row and my body get into a habit of some sort. I'm happy to sleep tonight! (provided it works).