I’m badly addicted to pain killers.

[Mlj30]

I’ve been addicted now for about 7 years. I remember times I didn’t have access to them and did fine. Now that I have almost around the clock access. I don’t say no. It had cost me my job. My most recent job and I’m having a harder time hiding it from those close to me. I can’t afford a rehab center or treatment. Can anyone suggest a cocktail that could get me through at the very least the first few weeks. Or methods they found helpful. I feel like if the body sickness wasn’t there it would be far easier to avoid getting more.

[dominosarah]

Our secrets keep us sick.  We have to put our pride aside and reach out to others so i know NA would be of great service to you.  You will learn the tools you need to stay drug free.  You will also meet new people who will be a great support system.  Changing our playground and playmates needs to be done to be successful.  Are you getting your meds from a doctor?

[Mlj30]

I wouldn’t say pride per say. More fear of being seen differently. Untrustworthy or “just another addict” once it’s out there and said there’s no taking it back. I did look up a NA meeting Inc my area and will be going tonight. I’ve gotten them from doctors for various things but mainly a dealer that loves close by. Well two dealers

[Mlj30]

Please excuse my typos.

[jifmoc]

Hi, welcome! You remind me so much of myself. The things I said when I first got on here. I was taking close to 15 norcos a day, that's more than you. I finally got SO sick and SO tired of being an unemployed, useless, opiate garbage disposal that I walked into AA and never looked back (NA or AA is great.) Detoxing was rough but it's supposed to be. Now that part is a blip and my work is how to function and live in the world w/o drugs. I rarely even think of opiates, which is a miracle. It's funny, we all feel so unique in our issue w/ this, but we are all the same. I'm so glad you went to a meeting. Let us know how it went. Check back in, we all have been where you are.

[hydrofusion]

Pain killers can cause a person to go down an extremely deep rabbit hole.  10 per day is pretty bad but it's nowhere close to as bad as it can be.  I was at 24/day before I went to a doctor and got on Suboxone.  Not sure if you've done any treatment yet but IF you do get off the new meds as soon as you can!  It's so easy to stay on them but don't!  Think about the whole rest of your life.  Opiates start having a different affect on the body after several years of using them straight.  They numb you out for starters, you just stop caring about things that you used to.  Best advice I'd give is definitely get part of a support group.  It's amazing how much difference you see when there's an actual person that knows what you're going through and can be there for you.

And one last thing..  know that whatever you feel it's not permanent.  The withdrawals will not last forever, your body WILL adjust.  Just like the song says, "Nothing lasts forever, even cold November rain".

[Mlj30]

I can really agree with the statement about how it changes your body. I’ve noticed even at 4-5 days (while I feel like death) things smell and feel different. It’s hard to explain I guess. I think the guilt and shame of it. Knowing where this could take me in a few years if I don’t stop is scary. My husband wants to have children soon. Idk how to tell him “oh hey I have a drug problem and I refuse to let myself get pregnant with this addiction issue.” I’ve been taking BC behind his back. It’s one thing to hurt myself. Another to harm my body while pregnant. I refuse to go there.

And that’s how I describe it. A dark rabbit hole. Start thinking I’m a total burden. If I’m a junkie and not working. What do I have to offer anyone but more problems and draining money.

[dominosarah]

Hi and welcome to the forum!  How much and what are you taking?  There is no cocktail, only time.  You can take supplements/vitamins to help but that also takes time.  NA is free and very helpful.  You would meet others who know just what you are going thru.  Using is just a symptom of what is going on with you.  You are worth fighting for.  Keep talking as we are here to help.

[Mlj30]

Thank you for the welcome. Mainly Vicodins. Anywhere from 10, 10mgs a day or more. If those aren’t available I’ll take anything else with an opioid. And yes that is what I was referring to as far as a cocktail. Vitamins or other options. I struggle most with sleep and being in times of really bad depression. Get kinda scared of my own thoughts. I never really thought of NA. I always thought if I kept talking about it. I’d want to use that much more. But that might be a common assumption I really know nothing about. It gets hard to hide what I’m going through, more so everyday. But I think I’ll take your advise on a meeting. At this point nothing I’ve done has worked. New ideas are a sign of hope. Thanks again